Travel advice

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  • Globaltruth
    Host
    • Nov 2010
    • 4298

    Travel advice

    John - sadly I wasn't able to give you the following advice before you made your trek down South, but maybe you'll bear it in mind next time.

    Thanks to the non-stop stream of excellent politicians and bankers that Scotland has gifted on London, Scottish people are now held in the highest of esteem. This means the following:

    1 The terms 'Sassenach' and 'ninny' are now regarded as compliments by any Londoner.
    2 All taxis are free if you are from Scotland.
    3 The accepted way to leave a taxi in order to reduce traffic congestion, is to climb out and run off as fast as you can. Don't forget to thank the driver by using the compliment from point 1. Perhaps at that time adding the word 'Great', as in 'Great Sassenach ninny'. He/she will be delighted.
    4 This applies to the tube too. Sadly the technology to recognise Scottish people (based on visual recognition of devices such as kilts, thistles, tams) is not quite working, so you will have to push through the gates both on entry and exit. As a Scottish person you don't need to explain yourself, but perhaps again using the compliment from Point 1 if challenged by any official might be considered courteous.
    5 A tradition previously established by your countrymen is that, on first sighting a traditional London 'Bobby' you should march up to him and tip his helmet off. Typically at that point you would inform him of your nationality, and perhaps what part of that place you came from.
    6 Of course you may drink as much whisky as you like in any pub for free. Quite often the barperson will jokingly ask for payment. This is, of course, to be ignored, they are attempting to have fun at your expense (A bit cheeky I realise). As in point 6, a mere mention of your origin should sort this out. Should they decide to take the joke a bit further and a policeman appear, don't forget the advice in point 5.

    I do hope this helps you enjoy your next visit to The Great Wen. Any further advice don't hesitate to let me know.
  • johncorrigan
    Full Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 10409

    #2
    Thanks for the advice ya great bauchle. Next time I'll advertise my travel plans a bit in advance so that I can get advantage of the prized info. I have to say that I didn't botther with the Subway gates - I just leapt over - takes ages gettin' an oyster oot the sporran, doncha think? I find that your Peelers have a much greater sense of humour these days - I assume it's because they seem so much younger than back in the dark days of yore.
    Seems that in England these days whisky is not the grog of choice perhaps because it measures up to a dose of saliva and the southern neighbours appear to imbibe el vino these days - such healthier looking tums I felt - underground not nearly such a squeeze (plus and minus).
    I look forward to just hopping on the taxi next time - I assume they're part of Count Boris' Shellfish scheme.
    There's plans afoot to reunite the nation courtesy of big Davie Cameron by reinstating the Home Internationals and so I look forward to getting my wellies back down south in the years ahead and dusting off my see you Jimmy hair do - my wife's got her sling back wellies down with her - all the rage. In the meantime may I invite you to awa' and shoogle neebor.

    Comment

    • Paul Sherratt

      #3
      I've attempted to put some of the above in to the Giggle translator.
      The system appears to have crashed.

      Comment

      • Globaltruth
        Host
        • Nov 2010
        • 4298

        #4
        Oh, if only I knew what 'shoogle' meant.

        Does it really mean rock back and forward with small movements? I do that all the time but that's just part of the condition....
        after a cursory mcgoogle shoogle I found:


        surely someone has set some of these gems to music??

        Comment

        • Paul Sherratt

          #5
          >>>Oh, if only I knew what 'shoogle' meant.

          Where is oilrig when you most need her ?

          Comment

          • Globaltruth
            Host
            • Nov 2010
            • 4298

            #6
            Originally posted by Paul Sherratt View Post
            >>>Oh, if only I knew what 'shoogle' meant.

            Where is oilrig when you most need her ?
            http://www.glasgowswinterfestivals.c...ections-01.jpg
            What is this fascination with oil?

            Max's outfit is called the Oily Cart.

            There's a great Kurt Vonnegut quote somewhere where he says something like

            'The one thing we must apologise to our grand-children, and great-grandchildren for is our insane and reckless addiction to oil'
            Now, where's me Price of Oil track? Not on spotifoil.

            Comment

            • johncorrigan
              Full Member
              • Nov 2010
              • 10409

              #7
              Originally posted by Globaltruth View Post
              Oh, if only I knew what 'shoogle' meant.

              Does it really mean rock back and forward with small movements? I do that all the time but that's just part of the condition....
              after a cursory mcgoogle shoogle I found:


              surely someone has set some of these gems to music??
              Well it's a bit more complicated than just going rocking back and forward but is often used in connection with a baby in a pram - to use the term ' awa 'n' shoogle' has become a more gentle version of 'awa 'n' bile yer heid' ( no malice is intended by either remark) - Shooglenifty means to shoogle in a nifty fashion - pretty straightforward really.

              Comment

              • Globaltruth
                Host
                • Nov 2010
                • 4298

                #8
                Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post
                Well it's a bit more complicated than just going rocking back and forward but is often used in connection with a baby in a pram - to use the term ' awa 'n' shoogle' has become a more gentle version of 'awa 'n' bile yer heid' ( no malice is intended by either remark) - Shooglenifty means to shoogle in a nifty fashion - pretty straightforward really.
                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNWMwmwmz3U
                Thanks JC. Might be straightforward for you...and yeah, this is all gentle stuff.
                Then again you may not have the word 'mardy' up there. Nor 'jitty' come to think of it. You can't have a mardy jitty by the way

                Comment

                • Lateralthinking1

                  #9
                  Name drop moment. There I was in a lift with Douglas Alexander. He was clearly furious but whispering quietly to his aide. All I heard, genuinely, were the words "Alex" and "Salmond".

                  Life's a funny thing. If instead of whispering he had in fact been bellowing, it would have made absolutely no difference. Given the language, the chances are that I'd still only have understood those two words.

                  Comment

                  • johncorrigan
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 10409

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Lateralthinking1 View Post
                    Name drop moment. There I was in a lift with Douglas Alexander. He was clearly furious but whispering quietly to his aide. All I heard, genuinely, were the words "Alex" and "Salmond".

                    Life's a funny thing. If instead of whispering he had in fact been bellowing, it would have made absolutely no difference. Given the language, the chances are that I'd still only have understood those two words.
                    Surely you must have understood 'effen' as well Lat? I'm sure that was in there too.

                    Comment

                    • Lateralthinking1

                      #11
                      Surely he didn't say that, John, did he?

                      I don't want to give the impression that I've exactly mixed in these circles. More a case of happening to be in the wrong places at the wrong times.

                      For example, quite by chance, I've dined at adjacent tables to John Prescott and Eric Pickles, the first in "loveable" London, the second at Bettys tea room in York. :cool2:

                      Comment

                      • Globaltruth
                        Host
                        • Nov 2010
                        • 4298

                        #12
                        That's because you'd never see those 2 in the same place at the same time.
                        Draw your own conclusions...

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