A rape victim meets her attacker

[Nick Armstrong]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25666416

Am I right to find this inspiring and revealing as well as touching? Or am I just a Sentimental Old Hector?

[Serial_Apologist]

I think stories of that kind should be restricted between perpetrator and victim, rather than publicised.

[ahinton]

I think stories of that kind should be restricted between perpetrator and victim, rather than publicised.

Why in particular? - and, for that matter, would you in so saying seek to visit your view upon victims in terms of what they should or not allow or encourage to be publicised in such circumstances? I imagine that many rape victims would not choose to do this in the first place and that some of those who might do so would not wish to do it in the glare of publicity but this particular case evidences that there are also those who are not unhappy for such reconciliatory gestures to go unnoticed by the public; would you not think it fairer to leave decisions about that kind of thing to the individual victims to make?

[Anna]

Some victims can find it in their hearts to forgive, even some people where a family member has been murdered can reach out and forgive the perpetrator, usually it's people who have a deep Faith. I wonder if the other woman he raped afterwards would feel the same or his other victims had he not been caught?
I suspect it made her feel better - and anyone can say sorry when it's expected of them can't they? Sorry, I'm with S_A on this, it's a private matter between the two of them otherwise publicising it may give the impression to would be rapists that forgiveness is only around the corner.

[Nick Armstrong]

Very interesting. The 'publicity' rights or wrongs hadn't even occurred to me. She has of course waived her legal right to anonymity to do this.... not sure if that makes it better or worse. Don't know what I think yet, need to ponder!

[Anna]

Very interesting. The 'publicity' rights or wrongs hadn't even occurred to me. She has of course waived her legal right to anonymity to do this.... not sure if that makes it better or worse. Don't know what I think yet, need to ponder!

Wot, and you a media lawyer My Dear Rumpole! :-) Well, you said you were a sentimental old Hector and in favour of this, I suggest you now do indeed ponder!
No, seriously, any forgiveness for such a crime (made worse by being by a total stranger aged 16 upon an unknown to him victim aged 40, the second woman he raped was 51) has to be a private matter, as, to my mind, this is the worst kind of rape. And I am not endorsing the statement by, was it that arse George Galloway, who said there are degrees of rape?

[jean]

The problem seems to be that women have very different reactions to attacks of this sort, and the wide publicity given to a reaction necessarily not representative could encourage people to say to other rape victims Well, she got over it, why can't you?

[Anna]

The problem seems to be that women have very different reactions to attacks of this sort, and the wide publicity given to a reaction necessarily not representative could encourage people to say to other rape victims Well, she got over it, why can't you?

Jean, I would say, it's impossible to completely get over such a brutal violation. Some think it's possible, I dare say they have never been raped.

[Nick Armstrong]

Wot, and you a media lawyer My Dear Rumpole! :-)

My narrow legal mind hadn't gone further than thinking it must have taken some courage to decide to waive the protection of anonymity....

[Serial_Apologist]

Anna and Jean are onto the nub of the problem I think - too many vested voices prepared to read their own agendas into this and other stories like it. To answer ahinton, I'd advise the woman not to go to the press.

[ahinton]

Anna and Jean are onto the nub of the problem I think - too many vested voices prepared to read their own agendas into this and other stories like it. To answer ahinton, I'd advise the woman not to go to the press.

Well, I did assume from what you wrote earlier that this is indeed the advice that you would gie to her and to anyone else in a similar position who might be contemplating what she nevertheless decided to do; the problem, however, is that, as far as I am aware, she has at present a legal right to forgive her attacker both privately and publicly as she may choose so, until and unless the law is changed to disallow the latter, there could be other similar cases and also in respect of other crimes besides rape.

Another question that this raises is that of deciding what if anything to do about forgiving a known rapist or indeed other criminal who has not been caught, charged, tried and convicted - i.e. where the victim knows well who did what but they've gotten away with it; the principles involved sould presumably be the same as in the case of convicted criminals, although the risks and possible outcomes might be considerably more questionable and dangerous.

As to the "vested interests" question, yes, you are correct, of course, but then that's really only because there's almost always someone or some organisation with a vested interest about anythying and everything that might muscle in on any decision.

[Nick Armstrong]

Not sure what to make of that, ah... No-one's denying that

she has at present a legal right to forgive her attacker both privately and publicly as she may choose

- the point is which is the better idea...

[ahinton]

Not sure what to make of that, ah... No-one's denying that

- the point is which is the better idea...

No, I know that no one here is (at least overtly) denying the legality of acting in that way in the glare of publicity but, in answer to your question about which is the better idea (i.e. acting in such a way privately or publicly), my answer is that it should be and remain a matter of personal choice because it is a personal decision to make. A further consideration here is that, even if done privately without inviting publicity of any kind, there can in any case be no guarantee that the perpatrator of the crime concerned, once forgiven, would not him/herself publicise the fact of having been forgiven by the victim at some point, even in wilful contravention of the victim's wishes.

My only reason for referring to the legality of such actionwas that, as long as the law permits individual victims to make such choices as to whether, when and how to go about this kind of action, the freedom to make and act upon such choices does and should pertain.

[Flosshilde]

could encourage people to say to other rape victims Well, she got over it, why can't you?

My thoughts as well; the pressure needn't come from other people - a story like this could lead the victim of a rape, who has had to go through a pretty traumatic process just to get her (or his) attacker convicted, to wonder if she (or he) is at fault for not wanting to meet her (or his) attacker.

She said that he was 'remorseful' - but did he express any remorse before she met him in prison? Does the Restorative Justice Scheme require that both parties have to express (independently) a desire to meet?

[ahinton]

The problem seems to be that women have very different reactions to attacks of this sort, and the wide publicity given to a reaction necessarily not representative could encourage people to say to other rape victims Well, she got over it, why can't you?

That would indeed be a most unwelcome outcome of any such case if indeed it were to occur, but why should it necessarily be thought to do so, given that a victim's forgiveness of his/her attacker is not of itself synonymous with his/her having "got over it"; the two things are, I think, quite distinctly different, especially in rape cases where a victim forgiving his/her attacker might still never completely "get over" the ordeal itself.