No Mow May

[Dave2002]

My father in law had a joke about gardening - he came from Yorkshire, and was proud of it.

A new vicar in the parish took to walking around to say "hello" to the villagers. One house had a lovely front garden, beautiful flowers, and neatly planted bushes.
There was a man he didn't know in the garden, working with a spade, so he introduced himself, and asked whether the man had lived there a long while. "Ay", he said, "but we 'only moved 'ere a couple of years ago. We used to live at other end of t'village."
The vicar remembered seeing the house before when he applied to work in the parish, and that it had a rather sad garden at that time. "Ah", said the vicar, "I see you and the good Lord have done wonders with this lovely garden."
"Indeed", said the man.
"You should 'ave seen it when the good Lord did it all by 'imself".

[Serial_Apologist]

My father in law had a joke about gardening - he came from Yorkshire, and was proud of it.

A new vicar in the parish took to walking around to say "hello" to the villagers. One house had a lovely front garden, beautiful flowers, and neatly planted bushes.
There was a man he didn't know in the garden, working with a spade, so he introduced himself, and asked whether the man had lived there a long while. "Ay", he said, "but we 'only moved 'ere a couple of years ago. We used to live at other end of t'village."
The vicar remembered seeing the house before when he applied to work in the parish, and that it had a rather sad garden at that time. "Ah", said the vicar, "I see you and the good Lord have done wonders with this lovely garden."
"Indeed", said the man.
"You should 'ave seen it when the good Lord did it all by 'imself".

There's the one John Cage tells in his book Silence about the gardener who improves his plot each year by throwing out the commoner varieties. One day his eyes are drawn to an even more attractive garden nearby. Jealously he asks the neighbours who is the owner. "The rubbish collector", they tell him!

[gurnemanz]

There's the one John Cage tells in his book Silence about the gardener who improves his plot each year by throwing out the commoner varieties. One day his eyes are drawn to an even more attractive garden nearby. Jealously he asks the neighbours who is the owner. "The rubbish collector", they tell him!

I attended a talk/piano recital by John Cage at York Univ in 1971. As well as talking about music, he read from his diary and told some jokes, only one of which I can remember (possibly due to its weird drollness):

A blind beggar on the street is pissed on by a passing stray dog. The beggar takes some food from his rucksack and offers it to the dog. "Why are you doing that?!" asks an astonished bystander, to which the beggar replies, "I want to know which end the mouth is so that I can kick it up the ass."

[Serial_Apologist]

I attended a talk/piano recital by John Cage at York Univ in 1971. As well as talking about music, he read from his diary and told some jokes, only one of which I can remember (possibly due to its weird drollness):

A blind beggar on the street is pissed on by a passing stray dog. The beggar takes some food from his rucksack and offers it to the dog. "Why are you doing that?!" asks an astonished bystander, to which the beggar replies, "I want to know which end the mouth is so that I can kick it up the ass."

There's another slightly different version, but, as the guy in the TV ad tells us, in Yorkshire they say "That'll do".

[LeMartinPecheur]

My father in law had a joke about gardening - he came from Yorkshire, and was proud of it.

A new vicar in the parish took to walking around to say "hello" to the villagers. One house had a lovely front garden, beautiful flowers, and neatly planted bushes.
There was a man he didn't know in the garden, working with a spade, so he introduced himself, and asked whether the man had lived there a long while. "Ay", he said, "but we 'only moved 'ere a couple of years ago. We used to live at other end of t'village."
The vicar remembered seeing the house before when he applied to work in the parish, and that it had a rather sad garden at that time. "Ah", said the vicar, "I see you and the good Lord have done wonders with this lovely garden."
"Indeed", said the man.
"You should 'ave seen it when the good Lord did it all by 'imself".

That one was hugely popularised by Sir Bernard Miles in his 'Ertfordshire Rustic' monologues, c.1950? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bernard-Mil...l%2C151&sr=8-2

[cloughie]

I attended a talk/piano recital by John Cage at York Univ in 1971. As well as talking about music, he read from his diary and told some jokes, only one of which I can remember (possibly due to its weird drollness):

A blind beggar on the street is pissed on by a passing stray dog. The beggar takes some food from his rucksack and offers it to the dog. "Why are you doing that?!" asks an astonished bystander, to which the beggar replies, "I want to know which end the mouth is so that I can kick it up the ass."

Was there a long silence of just over four and a half minutes before everyone cheered and laughed?

[LMcD]

I have steadily reduced grassed area over the decades in favour of shrubs and bedding and a bit more patio - especially since not needed as play area for long-gone kids - but wouldn't want to eliminate it completely.

Same here!

[Bryn]

Was there a long silence of just over four and a half minutes before everyone cheered and laughed?

Helps to have the whole of the Cage story, rather than just the punchline. Search for "Two men came to an intersection." in http://sigliopress.com/wp-content/up...50713_Cage.pdf or better still, listen to cage deliver it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Diary-Impro.../dp/3795760232

I see there is a newer, extended, paperbook edition which was published a couple of years ago: https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/j...6&gclsrc=3p.ds

[gurnemanz]

Helps to have the whole of the Cage story, rather than just the punchline. Search for "Two men came to an intersection." in http://sigliopress.com/wp-content/up...50713_Cage.pdf or better still, listen to cage deliver it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Diary-Impro.../dp/3795760232

I see there is a newer, extended, paperbook edition which was published a couple of years ago: https://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/j...6&gclsrc=3p.ds

Thanks for link. Did my best with the joke fifty years after hearing him tell it.

[Bryn]

Thanks for link. Did my best with the joke fifty years after hearing him tell it.

Thanks for mentioning the 'story'. It led me to discover not only the single volume edition but the newer paperback edition which has been extended to include what he left of the incomplete 9th, though one hopes no one tries to do an SMPC, Carragan, Letocart or Schaller on it.

[ardcarp]

Get ready for a No Prune June folks.

[Bryn]

Get ready for a No Prune June folks.

If June is hot and dry enough, I half-expect to see a fair few plums drying out on the trees.

[LMcD]

Was there a long silence of just over four and a half minutes before everyone cheered and laughed?

I was told by my friend Geraldine that there was, but they listened (on headphones of course) to Simon and Garfunkel's The Sound Of Silence to pass the time.

[Serial_Apologist]

I was told by my friend Geraldine that there was, but they listened (on headphones of course) to Simon and Garfunkel's The Sound Of Silence to pass the time.

Ronnie Scott's definition of the sound of silence was a banjo being dropped down a toilet without hitting the sides, I'm informed.

[Bryn]

Thanks for link. Did my best with the joke fifty years after hearing him tell it.

I collected two copies from WH Smith this morning (one for me and a second for a friend). Delighted to find that, unlike the serialisation in A Year from Monday, M, and X, this omnibus edition restores the colours of the original 'magazine' versions.