How to Select a Good Bottle of Wine

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  • An_Inspector_Calls
    • Nov 2024

    How to Select a Good Bottle of Wine

    You go into a wine merchant or the supermarket and there's a vast array of different bottles on the shelf: how do you pick a good 'un?

    Being of a scientific bent I decided sometime ago to research this question in a scientific manner: i.e. I selflessly dedicated myself to sampling many bottles of wine in order to evolve a surefire method of wine selection.

    After many false paths I stumbled upon a simple solution to the problem which I now use in all wine purchases with excellent results. I am now willing to pass this information on to a select band so you can share the fruits of my endeavouirs.

    It's quite simple. You need to select bottles of wine that have pictures of the chateaux on their labels. This approach recommends itself immediately since Australian wines fall by the wayside at step one.

    Next: count the windows on the chateaux. Not the individual panes, each total window counts as one window.

    The more windows on the chateaux, the better the bottle of wine!

    Now some of these pictures will not appear to you to be chateaux, more what you might consider to be no better than your own garage (if you have one) or shed. That's because they are, in fact, brewing in a garage or shed. I consider that here windows count as halves for the purposes of assessment.

    Of course it could be argued that correlation between wine quality and window count may not imply causation between the two. However, I believe causation can be explained by linking the success of the wine with the wealth of the chateaux, and thus the number of windows.

    Anyway: good hunting!
  • vinteuil
    Full Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 12788

    #2
    ... clearly I shall have to throw away all those bottles of romanée-conti, la tâche, and château laville haut-brion I have been carefully guarding

    Comment

    • french frank
      Administrator/Moderator
      • Feb 2007
      • 30243

      #3
      Hmmm. I'm not convinced. What about vintage?

      This is the one I bought in the Coop by mistake (not that many windows, but it was very good at £16.99; I think 2008, though):

      It isn't given us to know those rare moments when people are wide open and the lightest touch can wither or heal. A moment too late and we can never reach them any more in this world.

      Comment

      • An_Inspector_Calls

        #4
        Well, 11 windows (on my system) which should be very good.

        Comment

        • johnb
          Full Member
          • Mar 2007
          • 2903

          #5
          Oh dear, I'll have to dump all the burgundy I've bought!

          Comment

          • Anna

            #6
            Originally posted by french frank View Post
            Hmmm. I'm not convinced. What about vintage?
            This is the one I bought in the Coop by mistake (not that many windows, but it was very good at £16.99; I think 2008, though)
            Is this another of the Coop wines you bought by mistake, drank three-quarters of it, took remainder back and explained it was a mistake and got your money back?
            I must confess that a pretty picture does often sell a bottle of wine but I guess most people are guided by price for everyday purposes.

            Comment

            • Osborn

              #7
              If you have a big crumbly old chateau to maintain, you have to balance the books by retraining people who should be looking after the vineyards and jumping on grapes to clean masses of windows, paint their shutters, mend the central heating and chauffeur you about in your pink 2CV.

              The neglect results in rubbish wine which you need to market with a pretty label at ridiculously high prices.

              Comment

              • An_Inspector_Calls

                #8
                Do they have trouble balancing the books in Burgundy and Bordeaux?

                Comment

                • french frank
                  Administrator/Moderator
                  • Feb 2007
                  • 30243

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Anna View Post
                  Is this another of the Coop wines you bought by mistake, drank three-quarters of it, took remainder back and explained it was a mistake and got your money back?
                  No, it's the same one
                  It isn't given us to know those rare moments when people are wide open and the lightest touch can wither or heal. A moment too late and we can never reach them any more in this world.

                  Comment

                  • cloughie
                    Full Member
                    • Dec 2011
                    • 22115

                    #10
                    Originally posted by An_Inspector_Calls View Post
                    Well, 11 windows (on my system) which should be very good.
                    Many people are abandoning windows - is Apple wine an answer?

                    Comment

                    • johnb
                      Full Member
                      • Mar 2007
                      • 2903

                      #11
                      Originally posted by An_Inspector_Calls View Post
                      Do they have trouble balancing the books in Burgundy and Bordeaux?
                      Certainly not with the Bordeaux classed growths after the price hikes over the last few years due to an influx of asian buyers (though the prices have begun to decline slightly).

                      Burgundy is quite different (though its prices are never exactly cheap) - by comparison Bordeaux seems to produce wine on an industrial scale.

                      Comment

                      • jayne lee wilson
                        Banned
                        • Jul 2011
                        • 10711

                        #12
                        Don't think I can offer a rule of thumb, except that, the cheaper it gets, Italian Wine is the more likely to be at least drinkable, anonymous but at least inoffensive, especially if consumed with food...

                        And it seems much harder now to find anything good below, say, £6.99... At that point you're better off with apple juice (preferably mixed with Badoit).
                        And I'm sorry but, my fave Mondelli Prosecco doesn't have a single window on it, but I love it and wish I could stop buying it. You stress over money, then buy more when you can least afford... etc.

                        Comment

                        • Pabmusic
                          Full Member
                          • May 2011
                          • 5537

                          #13
                          I have never tried the 'window test' - it seems a complicated way of choosing wine. I use the 'bottle test' - after the first bottle or so, all wine tastes good.

                          Comment

                          • umslopogaas
                            Full Member
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 1977

                            #14
                            Having virtually no sense of taste, I tend to go for what is half price in the local supermarket: whatever it tastes like, the alcohol content has the desired effect. However, for a nice bottle for visitors I use the Wine Society. Highly recommended, details on request.

                            Comment

                            • french frank
                              Administrator/Moderator
                              • Feb 2007
                              • 30243

                              #15
                              Originally posted by umslopogaas View Post
                              Having virtually no sense of taste, I tend to go for what is half price in the local supermarket
                              That's a modern French view. I've never rubbed shoulders with la noblesse, but at my own humble level a quaffable glass is all that's required to accompany a good meal.

                              However, observing a paucity of châteaux and windows in the Coop this evening, what about the cork bouchon? Or plastic? (not that you can distinguish between cork and plastic until you've removed the foil). Or screwtop?
                              It isn't given us to know those rare moments when people are wide open and the lightest touch can wither or heal. A moment too late and we can never reach them any more in this world.

                              Comment

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