Jay Rayner rings the changes in the dining out experience.
Meanwhile, in best Ed Reardon fashion, I add some pet peeves of my own:
** I happen to prefer a side-plate for my bread. Where this 'au peasant' bread on the table cloth rollocks came from I'm not quite sure, but it's not for me.
** I have very nearly broken the arms of waiters that have deigned to top up my glass without my bidding. The ones that actually got a fracture, at least, were those dim enough not to be able to interpret the grimace on my face for an expression of extreme displeasure.
** 'How was your day', 'Hi, how are YOU!' etc. None of your e**in' business. I've come here to eat. If I want to join a fake glee club I'll go next door to the local AA meeting.
** 'I'm sorry but I can't HEAR you. What was that about the specials, again?' What really do michelin stars mean for any restaurant when the food might be fantastic but you know you won't be able to discuss it with your dining partner until you go to bed that night because of the current obsession with laminate flooring, stark decor and open kitchen areas so it feels almost like your dining on the factory floor of a car factory.
** 'This restaurant is almost empty. What on earth are you doing putting us next to the only other couple in the room??!!'
** 'Actually, my female friend is my host on this occasion, so why are you presuming that I will be picking up the tab because I'm the man?'
** I enjoy a leisurely meal with no pressures, but when I gesture to the waiter that I am ready to pay the bill, that means I'm hoping to leave shortly. Why then do I find myself in too many restaurants sill waiting to settle up ten minutes later? If I left without paying I suspect it wouldn't be as long before someone came after me.
** 'How is everything for you?' Well, at least give me a moment to actually pick up my knife and fork and give it a go. Yea? Also, I'd be happier if you're asking that question that you will kindly and politely respond with similar alacrity to the following: the wine glass is chipped, the desert spoon is not clean, the gazpacho is warmed, the vegetables are days old, the butter is frozen, the steak is rare (as requested) but only at one end and by my reckoning I expect to see a fifteen percent discount on the bill. NO, not a discount on the food, but a discount on the entire bill.
Meanwhile, in best Ed Reardon fashion, I add some pet peeves of my own:
** I happen to prefer a side-plate for my bread. Where this 'au peasant' bread on the table cloth rollocks came from I'm not quite sure, but it's not for me.
** I have very nearly broken the arms of waiters that have deigned to top up my glass without my bidding. The ones that actually got a fracture, at least, were those dim enough not to be able to interpret the grimace on my face for an expression of extreme displeasure.
** 'How was your day', 'Hi, how are YOU!' etc. None of your e**in' business. I've come here to eat. If I want to join a fake glee club I'll go next door to the local AA meeting.
** 'I'm sorry but I can't HEAR you. What was that about the specials, again?' What really do michelin stars mean for any restaurant when the food might be fantastic but you know you won't be able to discuss it with your dining partner until you go to bed that night because of the current obsession with laminate flooring, stark decor and open kitchen areas so it feels almost like your dining on the factory floor of a car factory.
** 'This restaurant is almost empty. What on earth are you doing putting us next to the only other couple in the room??!!'
** 'Actually, my female friend is my host on this occasion, so why are you presuming that I will be picking up the tab because I'm the man?'
** I enjoy a leisurely meal with no pressures, but when I gesture to the waiter that I am ready to pay the bill, that means I'm hoping to leave shortly. Why then do I find myself in too many restaurants sill waiting to settle up ten minutes later? If I left without paying I suspect it wouldn't be as long before someone came after me.
** 'How is everything for you?' Well, at least give me a moment to actually pick up my knife and fork and give it a go. Yea? Also, I'd be happier if you're asking that question that you will kindly and politely respond with similar alacrity to the following: the wine glass is chipped, the desert spoon is not clean, the gazpacho is warmed, the vegetables are days old, the butter is frozen, the steak is rare (as requested) but only at one end and by my reckoning I expect to see a fifteen percent discount on the bill. NO, not a discount on the food, but a discount on the entire bill.
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