Memorial Readings - Help??!!

[Stillhomewardbound]

I have found myself, very unexpectedly, programming a requiem service for my second brother who died of a intracerebral haemorrhage last week.

We are having a 30/40 minute service at Golders Green Crematorium next week. So, far we have the hymns selected and a couple of short poems but I'd welcome suggestions for bible readings (from the King James version) and reflective literary works.

It might help to know that there were rather sad circumstances to my brother's life. He knew from an early that he wished to act and worked his way to the National Youth Theatre and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art.

In the initial years of his career his was a star that burned most brightly, however it faded too quickly and tragically, my brother, although highly intelligent and well-read, never was able to reinvent himself.

He died alone in a small flat he was renting. Though having moved to that new home five months ago it was discovered that he had hardly unpacked any of his possessions which still lay in boxes.

So, that is the context. His life is not a great cause for celebration, but it is to be hoped that his afterlife will be rich and readings will hopefully reflect that. Optimism over gravity or sobriety might be the key. Also, it would be great to have some humour in the service. In happier days he would be full of anecdotes and laughter and it would be nice to have something also which will bring laughter into the channel.

Here's a link to a short obit for him which concludes with 'Our revels now are ended from The Tempest which very like with be included.

http://www.tpmckenna.com/2014/02/with-deepest-regret.html

In anticipation, thanking you all who are able to contribute.

SHB, aka Stephen

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Stephen, first of all my condolences at this difficult time.

The Brahms German Requiem might have some passages that you might find suitable in their King James version:

Psalm 126:
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. They that go forth and weep, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing their sheaves with them.

Isiaah, 35; 10:
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away

John 16; 22:
And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

1 Corinthians:
Behold, I show you a mystery: we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

Revelation 13;14:
Blessed are the dead, which die in the Lord, from henceforth. Yea, says the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.

Best wishes.

[Nick Armstrong]

Isiaah, 35; 10:
And the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away

Yes - many condolences, Stephen: sad circumstances indeed... and I was reminded of a parallel text from Revelation, ferns... as set by Edgar Bainton in one of my favourite anthems:

Revelation Ch. 21

And I saw a new heaven and a new earth... And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

There's some great words late in the same chapter too...

[Dave2002]

I am very sorry to hear of this. As you seem to have chosen a religious service I'd suggest 1 Corinthians 13 - faith, hope and charity, with references to through a glass darkly.

I attended a humanist funeral at Golders Green a few years ago, and recently I went to one somewhere else
(a very long standing friend) which was completely non religious.

Another funeral I went to had the raising of Lazarus.

[Richard Tarleton]

Very sad Stephen, may I add mine to the above. I went through this process whilst devising a non-religious funeral for a much older and much-loved relative. Some poetic suggestions, which may or may not not strike the note you are after but here they are for what they are worth:

C P Cavafy's poem Ithaca

Keats' sonnet O soft embalmer of the still midnight, which ends with the words

"Turn the key deftly in the oilèd wards
And seal the hushed Casket of my soul"

- this is the "Sonnet" Britten used in the "Serenade".

And the words, by Dowland, to his song Come heavy sleep, which are also very effective when read.

[Stillhomewardbound]

I can't thank you enough for these contributions which I'm working my way through. SHB x

[Dave2002]

I thought of Dylan Thomas - Do not go Gentle ... but on reading it again. it seems much more violent and not necessarily appropriate to the particular circumstances. However, I found this link which may provide something suitable - http://www.funeralhelper.org/funeral...al-poetry.html There is another Dylan Thomas poem there - And Death shall have no Dominion.

[marthe]

SHB, I'm very sorry to hear about your brother's death. I second the proposal of Cafavy's Ithica and D. Thomas's And Death shall have no Dominion. I believe that Ithica was read at Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis's funeral, by her son, if I remember correctly.

[amateur51]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss SHB.

Others have made some excellent suggestions and I remember hearing the Cavafy at a funeral of young man who was one of the first in London to die of an AIDS-related illness. They also played Sondheim's Our Time from Merrily we Roll Along that had everyone in bits from the start.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfN9AIqeYxU

Tippett's Spirituals from A Child of Our Time also contain some appropriate music/messages, e'g., Steal Away, Nobody Knows.

I hope the service goes well for your family and his friends

[ardcarp]

If you would like something not specifically Christian, there is "Do not stand at my grave and weep".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_Not_Stand_at_My_Grave_and_Weep#Full_text

...except in the version I know, the first couplet is repeated instead of the 'do not cry' bit.

There is also Gerard Manley Hopkins'

I HAVE desired to go
Where springs not fail,
To fields where flies no sharp and sided hail
And a few lilies blow.

And I have asked to be
Where no storms come,
Where the green swell is in the havens dumb,
And out of the swing of the sea.

[Petrushka]

1 Corinthians:
Behold, I show you a mystery: we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

Sincere condolences, Stephen.

I chose this passage for my father's funeral last November (wonderfully read by my younger brother) and it linked in very well with a moving rendition of the Last Post ('the trumpet shall sound'). I absolutely insisted on the King James version!

It would be nice to link in any readings with the hymns chosen.

Hope all goes well for you.

[Stanley Stewart]

I am so sorry to hear this news, Stephen. You may recall that we spoke about your father, TP, a few years ago, by PM. I'd worked for some time with TP in David Storey's "The Contractor" (1969/70) and occasionally enjoyed hospitality after Saturday performances, at your home in Camden, NW1.

My recommendation would be a song - or a poem which can be spoken, even with guitar accompaniment, if available - from Cymbeline, Act IV, Sc II:

"Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' the great;
Thou are past the tyrant's stroke:
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak;
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning- flash,
Nor the all-dreaded thunder stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finish'd joy and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must,
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have;
And renowned be thy grave!"

[Stillhomewardbound]

I would like to say a big thank you for the readiness with which the forum folk chipped in with their suggestions. While I may have chosen differently sometimes your ideas set me in the right direction.

Hymns are Lord of the Dance (a nod to America there and Copland's setting of the Quaker hymn), I Vow To The My Country (Kilian was Irish but had taken up British citizenship at some point - as far as we can surmise, not out of reasons of affiliation, necessarily, but who knows. What counts here is Holst's wonderful melody) and Abide With Me ... death where is thy sting. Perhaps it is a cliche but it is the perfect expression of the dumbfoundedness of grief.

Readings are from the Book of Isiah Chapter 35, verses 8 to 10

A highway shall be there,
and it shall be called the Holy Way ...

And the First Letter of St. John 3.1-2


Beloved:
See what love the Father has bestowed on us
that we may be called the children of God.

Two themes at play here. One being that of transition and the other that in death we remain the children of Jesus. Very important as my brother was a wonderful child but to whom the adult world he was not entirely suited.

Additionally, we have Donne's No Man Is an Island, Patrick Kavanagh's 'A Christmas Childhood' (Kavanagh, a strong influence on Seamus Heaney, was a most difficult and brusque man who had stayed in our house briefly, where even my brother could melt his heart a little) and finally 'Our revels now are ended' which will be read by the wonderful Sara Kestelman.

This will segue directly into a piece that I researched only at the last moment when I recalled that my brother was an advocate for Rutter. Not to disparage it at all, but the piece I've chosen does have an almost Victorian essence of piquancy about it. A cynic might even suggest that it is a touch sugar-coated, but actually, in terms of simple polyphony and arrangement it is the perfect trick.

It may seem harsh to define a composer's devotional work as a 'trick', but that is the job to be done. A combination of music and readings to a most specific purpose. A construct and a mechanism that provides a balm and an instrument to the process of grieving, but rendered with such sincerity that its devotional integrity cannot be disputed..

It must be the ideal conclusion because I've played it some thirty times already. It is 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You'.

http://youtu.be/PO17DIeI7Ec

We have the service in London on Thursday and then on Saturday following a requiem mass in the parish church of my father's birthplace we shall process a few hundred yards or so up to the family's oldest grave yard and there inter his casket of his ashes in our parent's grave.

http://tpmckenfamhist.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/the-mckenna-memorial-at-temple-teampall.html

I thought it was hard enough to bury my mother, and then my father, but now, to have to bury my brother? It all seems a step too far, but we cannot choose these moments. We must do what must me done and leave behind regard for ourselves. I've been to too many services and recognised that those who claim to speak for the late departed end up speaking about themselves. Please God, I will bear that in mind as I make my bother's eulogy.

[ardcarp]

I wish you all fortitude for tomorrow...and Saturday. The occasions are always poignant in the extreme, but it is the looking back on them for the rest of one's life which gives solace.

[Richard Tarleton]

And from me, Stephen. I've just found the spot on the internet, it looks a lovely place. St Kilian's Church?

There were some comforting Ash Wednesday thoughts from Canon Angela Tilby on Today today.