Absent Friends & Missing Persons

[Serial_Apologist]

I made a misjudgement recently when I fell for the invitation to write 'the bad f word' in a post about 'the bad f word'. As soon as I wrote it I regretted it. I would suggest that there is a place for apologies. If one becomes aware that they have crossed a line and could have caused offence, an apology should be offered. It is better than doubling down and causing further offence by calling names at the offended. I don't know if I offended anyone in the instance above, but I apologise because, as ts points out, I know that I made a misjudgement, and I hope it is accepted.

I think that is the best way: it circumvents at a stroke the tendency for some people - of whom admittedly I am one - to obsess over what can it possibly be that offends people, when it comes to matters one finds inoffensive oneself. Reasons for taking offense are probably as legion as all the coronviruses in the world that have yet to be discovered. In the "final analysis", the likelihood is that discovering the specific causation of upset is in any way going to satisfy other than academic research into prejudices of one sort or another at best, or, in the case of my own perceived need for self-justification, idle curiosity at worst.

[Barbirollians]

Agreed.

If a post is considered offensive for those reasons - rather than due to misconduct - could a Moderator perhaps send a PM to the member in question explaining why it was being removed so there could not be a misunderstanding ?

[Serial_Apologist]

If a post is considered offensive for those reasons - rather than due to misconduct - could a Moderator perhaps send a PM to the member in question explaining why it was being removed so there could not be a misunderstanding ?

Iirc this was what actually happened, in the case of one of my postings. Either that or someone in the forum admin contacted me by email requesting an apology from me, which settled the matter.

[Ein Heldenleben]

I made a misjudgement recently when I fell for the invitation to write 'the bad f word' in a post about 'the bad f word'. As soon as I wrote it I regretted it. I would suggest that there is a place for apologies. If one becomes aware that they have crossed a line and could have caused offence, an apology should be offered. It is better than doubling down and causing further offence by calling names at the offended. I don't know if I offended anyone in the instance above, but I apologise because, as ts points out, I know that I made a misjudgement, and I hope it is accepted.

It always used to amuse me that the Irish 'take' on the f word were the 'u ' is changed for an 'e' never seems to upset anyone in the UK and indeed was used exclusively by the whisky priest in Father Ted . I was at a conference in Cornwall once where a Dubliner thanked the organisers for making them feel at home when he drove past the road sign to Feock.

[LMcD]

As a matter of interest did the contentious material have to appear in full on the forum - was it not possible to have a link? I ask because if, as seems to be the case here, the problem is suddenly encountering something one wasn't expecting nor wished to view then the solution is to provide a way for those who wish to pursue the full text the option to do so rather than having it all on view. It then becomes a matter for the individual, rather than being thrust on all and sundry, which in any case isn't necessarily the best way to get a point of view across - in fact it can be counter-productive.
However, offensive language/behaviour directed at another person is a different matter and, I would hope, something that could be robustly dealt with by moderators etc without causing major upset.

The lyrics in question were on view in full. A warning would have saved me (and others) the unpleasant experience of reading enough to realize what the subject and its depiction were before stopping, wishing we hadn't started to read them.

[LMcD]

Self censor, or be censored. It is a shared space, not our own personal space. Sometimes we make misudgements.

Many of us have had stuff deleted at some point , sometimes because of being caught in the crossfire.

There is more than one way of being " Grown Up". If people want to read or hear Prince lyrics, they aren't hard to find.

Having never previously heard all or part of any Prince song, I had no idea of what to expect. Ignorance didn't turn put to be bliss in this case.

[Nick Armstrong]

If a post is considered offensive for those reasons - rather than due to misconduct - could a Moderator perhaps send a PM to the member in question explaining why it was being removed so there could not be a misunderstanding ?

I would be inclined to do so, yes, although I’ve never been involved in an instance of that kind... (It’s different if it’s some blatant & obscene name calling, in which case justice is summary ... and there have been a few of those )

[DracoM]

[eighthobstruction]

.....having never used the 'report button', I know not where it is {don't tell me, don't tell me]....

but I do put forward the idea of a What the Hells Happening button....

.....The avatar of the forumite who complains should then flash (similar to a baboons bottom}....should they be one of those who relinguishes this novelty - a formula should then be applied which takes in their age, education, relative place of birth and context, whether they did National Service, whether they were bullied at school, whether they are/were some sort of civil servant/self made man and whether they are sitting in an armchair eating meat/3 veg their wife has just served them (a non sexist version should also be available)....a bit of a quadratic equation should be enough....

....I also offer myself as some sort of Judge Dread character to dispense justice....watch out you may be suprised at my violence....but it WILL be swift....

....Oh gosh I've found it....the triangle of death....

[teamsaint]

Having never previously heard all or part of any Prince song, I had no idea of what to expect. Ignorance didn't turn put to be bliss in this case.

It would be close to impossible not to have heard, even if unknowingly, some Prince songs, I should think

Raspberry Beret
1999
When Doves Cry
Kiss
Purple Rain

None of those ring a bell ? Many of them were fit for daytime , non adult radio....lifts..... supermarket muzak....

Not that I am saying that is all his music is good for, of course......

[Bryn]

Having never previously heard all or part of any Prince song, I had no idea of what to expect. Ignorance didn't turn put to be bliss in this case.

Being of a sensitive disposition, I too have never read, nor knowingly heard, the lyric concerned. I feel the need to seek equanimity through listening to Zappa's "Stevie's Spanking".

[Serial_Apologist]

.....having never used the 'report button', I know not where it is {don't tell me, don't tell me]....

but I do put forward the idea of a What the Hells Happening button....

.....The avatar of the forumite who complains should then flash (similar to a baboons bottom}....should they be one of those who relinguishes this novelty - a formula should then be applied which takes in their age, education, relative place of birth and context, whether they did National Service, whether they were bullied at school, whether they are/were some sort of civil servant/self made man and whether they are sitting in an armchair eating meat/3 veg their wife has just served them (a non sexist version should also be available)....a bit of a quadratic equation should be enough....

....I also offer myself as some sort of Judge Dread character to dispense justice....watch out you may be suprised at my violence....but it WILL be swift....

....Oh gosh I've found it....the triangle of death....

You have clearly read the parable about the Buddha who, when asked at one of his periodical gatherings why it was that questions about where one came from were as unimportant in his message as where we were going, replied that questions about origin or origination (tacitly so important to people who need to cling to the past or find cause in "human nature") were likened to a man shot through the heart with an arrow, who insists on its non-removal until he, the victim, knows everything there is to be known about his assailant's motivation, education, age, nationality, and so on.

[LMcD]

It would be close to impossible not to have heard, even if unknowingly, some Prince songs, I should think

Raspberry Beret
1999
When Doves Cry
Kiss
Purple Rain

None of those ring a bell ? Many of them were fit for daytime , non adult radio....lifts..... supermarket muzak....

Not that I am saying that is all his music is good for, of course......

In that case I have, without setting out to do so, indeed achieved the close to impossible. I recognize the title 'Purple Rain', perhaps because it was mentioned at the time of his passing. (I HAVE heard 'Purple Haze' all the way through - more than once). I've only ever heard one Ed Sheeran song all the way through, even though he's a Local Hero (or so I'm told). It's not that I deliberately avoid certain singers, it's just that some don't come my way and I have no reason to seek them out.

[french frank]

I think there are two lessons to be learnt from this:

the first is that when any sort of moderatorial action is taken, it should be made clear what was done and why. I used to do this, sometimes with great trepidation.

the second is that, to oil the wheels of society and reduce conflict, it is recommended that the putative offender offers an apology if offence was caused, and recognises that their action has 'ruffled feathers' in some way. Whether you think you are right or wrong is not really relevant. It resolves the conflict. If you want to insist on some principle, you need to be fairly sure that it's a sound one.

I must say, though, that sometimes when someone bumps into me because they're studying their mobile and I say 'Sorry', they look daggers at me. That's life, I suppose

[eighthobstruction]

....I remember Mary Chambers had never heard of Lou Reed....