Absent Friends & Missing Persons

[Roehre]

My deepest sympathy, BBM.
90 is a great age, provided you are in good health.

My father (93 now) was hit by a car, and cracked (not broke thank goodness) his pelvis early March. On top of that he got a very serious bug. But being completely independent, living on his own, running his home and doing all the household chore and shopping himself , though it was a couple of days really critical, he thought being in a hospital and (now) in a care home (temporarily) is not for him, so he's nearly recovered and looks forward to being released coming week.
He was even told off in that home that he shouldn't drive that fast with his wheelchair through the corridors, and now (sometimes using a walking frame) that it isn't a race track. On top of that he attracted the attention of a nice young lady of the tender age of 91.

But being his only child (my mother passed away in 2007, aged 84), his neighbour of nearly 40 years (a widow of 63) and I were actually preparing for his passing away a couple of weeks ago.
At least we know what has got to be done immediately (and how) when the unavoidable actually happens.

All the best BBM

[Tony Halstead]

Condolences and my deepest sympathy to you, BBM.
When my mother passed away in 2006 aged 93, I couldn't listen to any music at all for about a month.
Thinking of you at this sad time.
Tony

[visualnickmos]

To BBM
Condolences, and best wishes to you.

It's interesting hearing others' experiences regarding music in grief. Seems I wasn't the only one. When my lovely Mum finally left us all after illness just before Christmas 2013, I found I just couldn't bring myself to listen to any music. indeed, I had no desire to. I had thought that as for Mozart's clarinet concerto, I would never hear it again, being her favourite music above all else. My stereo was gathering dust. A couple of months went by...

But then something happened that sort of put things right; little story ensues...
As an artist, I generally paint in silence, but about a year before Mum died, I had taken to sometimes putting Cfm on as pure background - ie. not demanding concentrated listening. But then after about six months, I was unable to get a signal, despite trying occasionally and fiddling around with the satellite receiver. Then one day for some reason, I thought "let's have another go." I did, and I got a signal; it was Mozart's clarinet concerto coming through loud and clear! my reaction was one of sheer joy, and I felt so happy. From that moment I returned to my music, and said "thanks, Mum"

[Tony Halstead]

To BBM
Condolences, and best wishes to you.

It's interesting hearing others' experiences regarding music in grief. Seems I wasn't the only one. When my lovely Mum finally left us all after illness just before Christmas 2013, I found I just couldn't bring myself to listen to any music. indeed, I had no desire to. I had thought that as for Mozart's clarinet concerto, I would never hear it again, being her favourite music above all else. My stereo was gathering dust. A couple of months went by...

But then something happened that sort of put things right; little story ensues...
As an artist, I generally paint in silence, but about a year before Mum died, I had taken to sometimes putting Cfm on as pure background - ie. not demanding concentrated listening. But then after about six months, I was unable to get a signal, despite trying occasionally and fiddling around with the satellite receiver. Then one day for some reason, I thought "let's have another go." I did, and I got a signal; it was Mozart's clarinet concerto coming through loud and clear! my reaction was one of sheer joy, and I felt so happy. From that moment I returned to my music, and said "thanks, Mum"

That's a really lovely and moving posting, visualnickmos.

[richardfinegold]

To BBM
Condolences, and best wishes to you.

It's interesting hearing others' experiences regarding music in grief. Seems I wasn't the only one. When my lovely Mum finally left us all after illness just before Christmas 2013, I found I just couldn't bring myself to listen to any music. indeed, I had no desire to. I had thought that as for Mozart's clarinet concerto, I would never hear it again, being her favourite music above all else. My stereo was gathering dust. A couple of months went by...

But then something happened that sort of put things right; little story ensues...
As an artist, I generally paint in silence, but about a year before Mum died, I had taken to sometimes putting Cfm on as pure background - ie. not demanding concentrated listening. But then after about six months, I was unable to get a signal, despite trying occasionally and fiddling around with the satellite receiver. Then one day for some reason, I thought "let's have another go." I did, and I got a signal; it was Mozart's clarinet concerto coming through loud and clear! my reaction was one of sheer joy, and I felt so happy. From that moment I returned to my music, and said "thanks, Mum"

Wow. I showed that story to my wife

[Petrushka]

A lovely story, VN.

It is indeed interesting to hear of the experience of others. I can only say that I had a strong compulsion to listen to music after my father died if only to try and make sense of what it meant. The Verdi Requiem in the Chicago SO/Solti recording felt just right. Neither of my parents were particularly musical so there was no real association of any piece with either of them.

Am I alone in playing music at such a time?

[richardfinegold]

A lovely story, VN.

It is indeed interesting to hear of the experience of others. I can only say that I had a strong compulsion to listen to music after my father died if only to try and make sense of what it meant. The Verdi Requiem in the Chicago SO/Solti recording felt just right. Neither of my parents were particularly musical so there was no real association of any piece with either of them.

Am I alone in playing music at such a time?

You are not alone. There are pieces that I tend to associate with certain sad events in my life because they gave solace in proximity to the event. One of them is the "Hymm of Thanksgiving" from the late Beethoven Qt, which I played a bit obsessively after my father died

[BBMmk2]

thank you everyone for your kind wishes and words. VNM, your post regarding your signal difficulty, well I am sure your mum was(and is) watching over you!

[Nick Armstrong]

thank you everyone for your kind wishes and words.

Coming late to this thread, I too was saddened to read your recent messages Bbm, and join 'the gang' in sending all sympathies and best wishes

The last time I received news of the death of a loved one (someone taken shockingly before their time), I recall I headed straight for the first two movements of Mahler 5 and stuck with them for some days.

[BBMmk2]

Coming late to this thread, I too was saddened to read your recent messages Bbm, and join 'the gang' in sending all sympathies and best wishes

The last time I received news of the death of a loved one (someone taken shockingly before their time), I recall I headed straight for the first two movements of Mahler 5 and stuck with them for some days.

Thanks Cali. I might just try that, or the final movement from Das Lied von der Erde?

[Petrushka]

You have to do whatever feels right for you, BBM. As I said upthread, the great composers experienced just the same feelings as the rest of us and I found that a help in itself in times of grief. On the night of my father's funeral, I played Howells' Take him, earth, for cherishing several times in a row. During my mother's protracted illness in her last three years, I returned to a lot of the church music that I remembered from my choir days.

[BBMmk2]

You have to do whatever feels right for you, BBM. As I said upthread, the great composers experienced just the same feelings as the rest of us and I found that a help in itself in times of grief. On the night of my father's funeral, I played Howells' Take him, earth, for cherishing several times in a row. During my mother's protracted illness in her last three years, I returned to a lot of the church music that I remembered from my choir days.

Believe it or not Pet, I am going to be playing a chorale prelude by JSB(anyone particular be grateful),
Byrd's Ave Verum corpus(because I find that is always a good one for me),
Howells's Take Him Earth,
Purcell's When I am Laid in Earth;
JSB Chaconne for violin solo, Elgar Agnus Dei(setting of Nimrod)
and the Fugue in Eb, BWV552(St Ann), JSB.
John Tavener: Song for Athene

[Richard Tarleton]

And, BBM, I think you've already expressed enthusiasm for that quite extraordinary Concert des Nations recording from the Chapelle Royale de Versailles featuring Charpentier's Stabat Mater - balm for the soul if ever was.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Courtesy of gamba who posted this last year;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw0BU02lTww

[subcontrabass]

John Tavener: Song for Athene

That is a work which has a particular resonance for me as I knew all the people involved: John Tavener, Mother Thekla, and Athene Hariades.