Withering Insults

[Thropplenoggin]

Inspired by Vinteuil's clipping from AA Gill, in which an arch-witherer withers away with wry humour, I wondered whether others might like to share famous insults of the withering variety.

The best I can come up with is Wittgenstein's comment on Peter Geach, Elisabeth Anscombe's husband, from Ray Monk's excellent biography, The Duty of Genius.

"When Mrs. Bevan asked Wittgenstein what Geach was like, he replied solemnly: 'He reads Somerset Maugham.'"

That has often made me chortle.

Incidentally, in the biography, this is preceded by the equally delightful anecdote that the philospher would accompany Mrs. Bevan, with whom he was lodging in his final days, to a local pub at six o'clock each day: 'We always ordered two ports, one I drank and the other one he poured with great amusement into the Aspidistra plant - this was the only dishonest act I ever knew him to do.' [source]

[Tapiola]

Inspired by Vinteuil's clipping from AA Gill, in which an arch-witherer withers away with wry humour, I wondered whether others might like to share famous insults of the withering variety.

The best I can come up with is Wittgenstein's comment on Peter Geach, Elisabeth Anscombe's husband, from Ray Monk's excellent biography, The Duty of Genius.

"When Mrs. Bevan asked Wittgenstein what Geach was like, he replied solemnly: 'He reads Somerset Maugham.'"

That has often made me chortle.

Incidentally, in the biography, this is preceded by the equally delightful anecdote that the philospher would accompany Mrs. Bevan, with whom he was lodging in his final days, to a local pub at six o'clock each day: 'We always ordered two ports, one I drank and the other one he poured with great amusement into the Aspidistra plant - this was the only dishonest act I ever knew him to do.' [source]

Oh I do not like AA Gill in the slightest. Anyone who has admitted to having mixed vodka and Benylin needs no opprobium from the likes of me. He's done it all himself.

[french frank]

Anyone who has admitted to having mixed vodka and Benylin needs no opprobium from the likes of me. He's done it all himself.

Was he after vodka-flavoured Benylin or Benylin-flavoured vodka?

Withering, but not insulting:

WH Auden said that if a stranger asked him what his occupation was, he found the most satisfactory response was 'medieval historian' - "because it withers curiosity."

(I find that hard to believe)

[Tapiola]

From memory, WS Gilbert (on Sullivan): "No one could have a higher opinion of him than me, and I think he's a dirty beast".

[Tapiola]

Was he after vodka-flavoured Benylin or Benylin-flavoured vodka?

Oblivion, perhaps?

Call me shallow, but I am a believer in the lost art of physiognomy, and AA Gill looks like a wrong 'un!

[amateur51]

Non-attributable I'm afraid but I've always been rather fond of:

"Why don't you keep quiet for just a moment and give that nasty gash under your nose a chance to heal?"

[anotherbob]

Fictional but my personal favourite. Terry Thomas in "Carleton-Brown of the F.O." passing judgement on an acquaintance.
"Artillery on the mother's side"

[Tapiola]

My old Music teacher's school report comment on one of my contemporaries:

"Not yet".

[Serial_Apologist]

"Well he would say that, wouldn't he?"

[Tapiola]

"Well he would say that, wouldn't he?"

My old Music teacher's school report on my dad (for it was he also):

"He might at least know the rudiments".

[Serial_Apologist]

My old Music teacher's school report on my dad (for it was he also):

"He might at least know the rudiments".

One of the unkindest cuts of all was of course Saint-Saens' summation on Franck's D Minor symphony: "Impotence, carried to the point of dogma".

[Tapiola]

One of the unkindest cuts of all was of course Saint-Saens' summation on Franck's D Minor symphony: "Impotence, carried to the point of dogma".

Love it!

And so true.

[mercia]

I like all of Churchill's well-known Atlee insults, but they probably can't be classed as withering

[Sir Velo]

I like all of Churchill's well-known Atlee insults, but likewise they probably can't be classed as withering

Churchill features as both the butt and the progenitor of some of the best insults. I particularly enjoy the exchanges with Nancy Astor, the first woman MP:

Churchill is supposed to have told Lady Astor that having a woman in Parliament was like having one intrude on him in the bathroom, to which she retorted, "You’re not handsome enough to have such fears."

Lady Astor is also said to have responded to a question from Churchill about what disguise he should wear to a masquerade ball by saying, "Why don't you come sober, Prime Minister?"

Possibly the most famous of all such anecdotes reports that Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

[Pabmusic]

Churchill features as both the butt and the progenitor of some of the best insults. I particularly enjoy the exchanges with Nancy Astor, the first woman MP:...

Wonderful. But (a pedant writes) Nancy Astor was the first woman MP, sort of. Constance Markiewitz (later Countess Markiewitz) was elected for Sinn Fein in 1918, but never took her seat. Nancy Astor – who was first to take her seat – was elected in a by-election the next year.