Withering Insults

[Jonathan]

I've always liked "I would like to enter a battle of wits with you but I see that you are unarmed"
I have no idea who first said this...

[Keraulophone]

Alexander Pope was a dab hand at invective, as this extract from his withering assessment of Lord Hervey, a servile social climbing scribbler, shows:

Whether in florid Impotence he speaks,
And, as the Prompter breathes, the Puppet squeaks;
Or at the Ear of Eve, familiar Toad,
Half Froth, half Venom, spits himself abroad,
In Puns, or Politicks, or Tales, or Lyes,
Or Spite, or Smut, or Rymes, or Blasphemies.
His Wit all see-saw between that and this,
Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss,
And he himself one vile Antithesis.

[lines 317-325 from Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot]


Reminiscient of any of today's politicians? ...had better look out for a non-toadying councillor to vote for later today.

[mercia]

Disraeli a source of great insults

yes, I hadn't realised

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

[Nick Armstrong]

I've always liked "I would like to enter a battle of wits with you but I see that you are unarmed"

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

Perfection!!

[Tapiola]

Jean Harlow once apparently met Lady Asquith, who was appalled that the actress persisted in pronouncing Margot with a final 't'. "My dear" quoth Lady Asquith, the 't' is silent. As in 'Harlow'".

[umslopogaas]

Dorothy Parker could be a dangerous person with whom to cross verbal swords. She was once entering a hotel through a revolving door and her older companion pushed in front, saying "Age before beauty!" Parker pushed back in front, retorting "Pearls before swine!"

Its not an insult, but I also like her exchange over the apples. She asked what those people were doing, and on being told they were ducking for apples, sighed and said "There but for a typographical variant is the story of my life."

[alycidon]

I forget whose words these are, possibly Oscar Wilde, who, when bidding his hostess goodnight, is reputed to have said 'I've had a most enjoyable evening - but that wasn't it!' I tend to use it when I go out.

[Serial_Apologist]

The dancer Isadora Duncan is said to have propositioned George Bernard Shaw, saying, "Were we to have a child, just think: it would have my looks, and your intelligence"; to which GBS is alleged to have replied, "But, supposing it had my looks, and your intelligence?"

[Serial_Apologist]

There is also the story about what a certain lady at a party is said to have said to a certain man of letters regarding his at-that--moment literal state of unbuttonnedness; but since this story was told to me a good forty years ago, and (a) I cannot recall if the gentleman in question was Dr Johnson, and (b) unless someone can find a possibly non-offensive way of telling it, I think I should best refrain...

[umslopogaas]

S-A, I thought it was Winston Churchill, to whom a lot more witticisms are probably attributed than he ever actually produced. A lady spoke to him at a reception at which he had drunk as much as he usually did, and said, "Sir Winston, your p***s is sticking out." To which he replied, "No Madam, it is hanging out."

[Tapiola]

S-A, I thought it was Winston Churchill, to whom a lot more witticisms are probably attributed than he ever actually produced. A lady spoke to him at a reception at which he had drunk as much as he usually did, and said, "Sir Winston, your p***s is sticking out." To which he replied, "No Madam, it is hanging out."

My first thought was "that isn't withering" but upon second thoughts...

And reminds me of the story of Churchill going into the Gents in the House of Commons, where Attlee is already standing, about his business. Churchill walks up next to him, pauses, then moves away some distance from Attlee.

"Winston, why did you walk up near to me, then move away like that?"
"Because, Clem, whenever you see something large and functioning well, you always want to nationalise it".

[Serial_Apologist]

S-A, I thought it was Winston Churchill, to whom a lot more witticisms are probably attributed than he ever actually produced. A lady spoke to him at a reception at which he had drunk as much as he usually did, and said, "Sir Winston, your p***s is sticking out." To which he replied, "No Madam, it is hanging out."

That's the one, thanks ums!

[Serial_Apologist]

My first thought was "that isn't withering" but upon second thoughts...

And reminds me of the story of Churchill going into the Gents in the House of Commons, where Attlee is already standing, about his business. Churchill walks up next to him, pauses, then moves away some distance from Attlee.

"Winston, why did you walk up near to me, then move away like that?"
"Because, Clem, whenever you see something large and functioning well, you always want to nationalise it".

I recall, in the mid-1980s, catching the jazz pianist Keith Tippett in the gents at a posh hotel where he was giving a solo recital; "This is where the big nobs hang out", he told me!

[aka Calum Da Jazbo]

Gandhi was once asked what he thought about western civilization. His response was: "I think it would be a good idea."

[mercia]

I forget whose words these are, possibly Oscar Wilde, who, when bidding his hostess goodnight, is reputed to have said 'I've had a most enjoyable evening - but that wasn't it!' I tend to use it when I go out.

I've seen that one attributed to Groucho Marx, but I guess after a while it doesn't matter who said them

was this another of Margot Asquith's ? - If Kitchener was not a great man, he was at least a great poster