Is Obama a Misogynist ... ?

[amateur51]

Just one comment, JS. I hope Ruth reflects on her coarse and shrewish behaviour to a colleague, and apologises.

Do men ever evince shrewish behaviour, I wonder?

[Padraig]

Do men ever evince shrewish behaviour, I wonder?

I would shrewdly hazard a guess that some do.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Just one comment, JS. I hope Ruth reflects on her coarse and shrewish behaviour to a colleague, and apologises.

What "coarse and shrewish behaviour" would that be, Padraig? As it is very clear that she merely "thought" (equally clearly "not said") such crude vocabulary, she would have to say to her "colleague", "I think I ought to tell you that yesterday I thought you were a creep who I wished would get lost. On reflection, I think I should apologize."

[Padraig]

. On reflection, I think I should apologize."

Yes, that would be most suitable.
Did I not say that?
Or are you just splitting hairs for the sake of it?

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Yes, that would be most suitable.
Did I not say that?
Or are you just splitting hairs for the sake of it?

Ah ... back in the day!

No, I wasn't intending merely to be picky: JS's original stated:

May I just say Ruth, you look absolutely stunning this morning?!

Ruth (thinks, not says: because it wouldn't do for the scottycelts and Mr Pees she works with to think she's a humourless, feminist, leftie, Guardian reader blah blah: after all, who could possibly not like the scottycelts and the Mr Pees complimenting them on their appearance? And, besides, the person doing the complimenting might be their boss):

No you can't. Get lost, creep.

... in other words, she did not make this comment, she only thought it. You described this as "coarse and shrewish behaviour", which either means that you think her self-control was "coarse and shrewish" and presumably believe therefore that she should have voiced her feelings, or that you believe that her mere thinking such ideas warrants her approaching her colleague, telling him the thoughts that he has hitherto had no idea that she felt, and then apologize for those thoughts.

I think society at large would be a lot less happy if people kept coming to tell us what they'd really thought of us all the time - even if only to then apologize for doing so.

[Julien Sorel]

Padraig - well Ruth thought "get lost, you creep" - she didn't say it. She could have said: "Tom, thanks for the compliment - but I'd really rather you didn't. It feels intrusive. No hard feelings?"

Tom might think: "Oh dear, I didn't mean to hurt Ruth's feelings." Or he might tell all his mates ... well, who knows? Or he might think: "If you expect a good reference if you apply for that job at Head Office, forget it."

May I recommend this interesting project? http://www.everydaysexism.com/

About a month ago, I was a little late to a meeting. Although my male colleagues were already sitting around the end of the table in discussion with co-counsel, having interrupted to introduce myself, shake hands and exchange business cards, one of my colleagues then encouraged me to sit directly opposite co-counsel, so he could get "the best view of the prettiest member of the team".

Sigh. I feel as if I have been battling sexism in this industry for YEARS - probably ever since, as a trainee solicitor, at departmental drinks one Friday evening I contributed my opinions on the upcoming election, to which the managing partner of the department looked at me in amazement for having my own opinion on something, then asked, "Where did you read that?" on the assumption it was not my own original thought. He later offered me a job in his department because "it would be nice to have someone blonde around", and on another occasion tried to grope me in a taxi on the return from some business meeting. Needless to say, I did not apply to work in that department on qualification.

[Padraig]

I got it wrong then?

[Ian Thumwood]

This is a non-story. To describe a woman as beig "good looking" is a matter of fact, albeit the judgement may be subjective. Equally, if she was about as appealing as a sack full of scaffold fittings, Obama should have told her so!

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

I got it wrong then?

It seemed, from your response to JS's posting, that you thought he'd said that "Ruth" had actually called her colleague a "creep" and told him to "get lost", rather than merely thinking these sentiments.