Proposed amendments to the rules of lawn-tennis

[Sydney Grew]

1) For every grunt, one point will be deducted.

2) For every shriek, three points will be deducted. If fewer than three points have thus far been accumulated in the current game, subsequent points won will be counted as points lost until the three points have been deducted.

3) For every shaking of a tiny fist, one entire game will be forfeited.

4) Whenever any part of the under-garments of a player (male or female) becomes visible to the umpire at any time during the course of a match, the wearer thereof will be deemed to have lost the said match.

[Thropplenoggin]

A tennis aficionado with scruples. Or should that be Grewples?

[french frank]

Reminds me of Pierre Ménard's technical article on proposed amendments to the game of chess, eliminating one of the rook's pawns:

"Ménard proposes, recommends, discusses and finally rejects this innovation."

[Pegleg]

5) Any player wearing a reversed baseball cap will be instantly disqualified.

6) Any player not using a traditional wooden racket will be strung up by their own guts.

[Stephen Whitaker]

"Whenever any part of the under-garments of a player (male or female) becomes visible to the umpire at any time during the course of a match, the wearer thereof will be deemed to have lost the said match."

In the month when we have lost Gertrude Moran at age 89, that particular amendment can be said to be 64 years too late!

[johncorrigan]

Whenever anyone goes to jump the net hawkeye will be programmed to raise appropriate part of the net to supply wedgie.
Wrestling with ballboy or girl to retrieve tennis ball will result in player playing one game with pingpong bat.
Every time a player says 'tough', 'tougher' or 'toughest' disqualification ensues.

[Thropplenoggin]

How about having it played on a genuine lawn, daisies and all, at all times. The resulting uneven bounce from the undulating court should even things up a bit.

[Serial_Apologist]

Any fielder in cricket who makes a catch and then throws the ball high into the air will be deemed to have dropped it.

[scottycelt]

Any fielder in cricket who makes a catch and then throws the ball high into the air will be deemed to have dropped it.

Better still, why not just drop cricket ... ?

[Richard Tarleton]

[
4) Whenever any part of the under-garments of a player (male or female) becomes visible to the umpire at any time during the course of a match, the wearer thereof will be deemed to have lost the said match.

That would have ruled out the lovely three-times champion Maria Bueno whose frilly knickers were one of the joys of Wimbledon in the 1950s-60s

[Mr Pee]

4) Whenever any part of the under-garments of a player (male or female) becomes visible to the umpire at any time during the course of a match, the wearer thereof will be deemed to have lost the said match.

I agree. I don't want to see sexy young tennis players showing their underwear.

This is a much better look:-

[jean]

Or even

[french frank]

I agree. I don't want to see sexy young tennis players showing their underwear.

This is a much better look:-

Pretty tasteless, not say sexist. To say nothing of the outrage to Mr Grew's sensibilities. There has been a complaint, but perhaps it can stand as an example of what is officially considered out of keeping with this forum.

[Richard Tarleton]

Pretty tasteless, not say sexist. To say nothing of the outrage to Mr Grew's sensibilities. There has been a complaint, but perhaps it can stand as an example of what is officially considered out of keeping with this forum.

Gulp, I hope Maria Bueno is OK.......

[Mr Pee]

Pretty tasteless, not say sexist. To say nothing of the outrage to Mr Grew's sensibilities. There has been a complaint, but perhaps it can stand as an example of what is officially considered out of keeping with this forum.

I don't see that picture as tasteless or sexist.

What a nation of prudes we are all becoming.