On Turning Fifty ...

[Mary Chambers]

I can hardly remember being 50 Make the most of your youth, SHB!

I spent Christmas with my grandchildren, a bit younger than the lovely boy on the photo, but just as adorable. They do have a kind of magic at that age.

[LeMartinPecheur]

Somehow this seemed appropriate (add RVW to taste...):

1

DAREST thou now, O Soul,
Walk out with me toward the Unknown Region,
Where neither ground is for the feet, nor any path to follow?

2

No map, there, nor guide,
Nor voice sounding, nor touch of human hand,
Nor face with blooming flesh, nor lips, nor eyes, are in that land.

3

I know it not, O Soul;
Nor dost thou—all is a blank before us;
All waits, undream’d of, in that region—that inaccessible land.

4

Till, when the ties loosen,
All but the ties eternal, Time and Space,
Nor darkness, gravitation, sense, nor any bounds, bound us.

5

Then we burst forth—we float,
In Time and Space, O Soul—prepared for them;
Equal, equipt at last—(O joy! O fruit of all!) them to fulfil, O Soul.

[Stillhomewardbound]

Thank you everyone. It's a quite special photograph as it is only being seen for the first time. It was on a negative proof strip and was never printed at the time. Fortunately I'm able to scan negatives and it was nice to be able to look back on myself with fresh eyes, so to speak.

The RVW is very fitting also. I'll have to track down a recording of that. I love his setting of Matthew Arnold's The Scholar Gypsy.

[Serial_Apologist]

Do the two threads indicate parallel universes?

[Stillhomewardbound]

Well, apparently this is what happens when you turn fifty ... you start double posting threads!! My apologies, everyone. Eine Alpensifonie has very kindly offered to merge the two threads when he can and I'm most grateful for his intervention.

Just one of those things I suppose. Like the ten minutes I spent dawdling in the pet aisle at Sainsbury's earlier. I was particularly taken by 'organic' versions of cat flea powder and bird seed, until my inner voice reminded me that I don't possess a pet.

Oh, well I know, but what a thing! Organic 'Trill'!!!

[Lateralthinking1]

I reached it ten days ago. The only difference is that you start making lists of all the people who are still alive. This is particularly true in regard to cultural preferences. Contrary to the impression given by the RIP threads - and because of them I have never been so aware of individuals passing - I am happy to say that a good number are still "here". Of those, a reasonable percentage are functioning to varying degrees, albeit arguably. There are some who one can never be entirely sure about even with Google.

Furthermore, one has to ask where in this age of recorded material is the distinction and why. In a sense, if there has never been two-way communication it matters less personally. But certainly the older one gets the more one has regular reminders of past eras truly passing. I mourn the 1960s frequently but only one of the versions in my perception. In any case, that has now been challenged umpteen times. I am not overly bothered by my standing. It is a question of needing to live in a place I can recognise.

[Stillhomewardbound]

Gosh, LT, I can so chime with that last quandary and, as an exile, I've known the phenomenon doubly. To stand in a city that is your birthplace and to be so familiar with each nook and cranny and yet to be amidst people that regard you as a stranger.

I looked forward to today with great optimism but during the course of the evening I deflated somewhat. My physical state is fine and I've found myself happier the older I have become, but I do have an underlying fear that the world out there will regard me (or should that be disregard) differently.

Actually, thinking about, maybe I ought to set about building a bridge and getting over myself. Life moves on, cultural sands change and shift and there ain't nothing that can change that.

As the fella said, live each day as if its your last and, one day, you'll be right.

[Petrushka]

50 is, without doubt, a turning point though you may not realise it at the time. I was 50 in 2004 and it was just at about that time a few health problems started to surface; high blood pressure, cholesterol (I couldn't even spell it at 49!), eye problems. After 50 you can't ignore even slight medical issues as you can do a few years earlier. That's been my experience anyway.

On the positive side, I feel much more confident and at ease with myself than I ever did in my 30s or 40s so it's not all bad!

[Lateralthinking1]

On the last two posts, I hope I haven't sounded too negative. Many happy returns shb. I think on physical health there are sudden moments of horror from 40 but they tend to be blips and one adjusts as long as they aren't very serious. There are a lot of positive role models at 60, 70, 80 and 90 who show what can be done and is done regularly. It is one benefit of having an older population.

Another is solidity. I tend to get on rather better with people of my own age or those older. I am not sure that I would feel at home in a world where there weren't large numbers of people 10, 15, 20 years older than me. As it happens, even the latter is not my parents' generation whose wartime experience will be a loss to society anyway, along with any personal loss. It is about the fact that when I was 8,9, 10, I was attuned to the interests and ways of young adults then. That was the only childism I guess.

On actual place of living, I am rather caught in the long term between having next to no money and staying in a familiar area, which itself is changing, or moving to somewhere cheaper and supposedly idyllic while having no personal connection to the new area. While I have definite preferences on types of environment, I see now that sense of association possibly matters as much. I write these thoughts down not so much to convey me as to suggest areas to those who might find it helpful of common ground. In turn, I find that beneficial too. It seems to me that this forum is in many ways an earlier-style neighbourhood and a community.

[Lateralthinking1]

Also at 50:

- More good reason for money concerns in the future but very difficult indeed to assess with so many variables
- A feeling of needing to do something about it and knowing that whatever I did would make little difference
- The linked question of what is a salary or a property really worth in a climate of economic turbulence
- Far fewer highs and yet a feeling that many lows have been crammed in and with luck got past, at least to an extent
- The thought that future trauma has inadvertently been prepared for emotionally and partially accommodated in advance
- A greater appreciation of culture and entertainment being a job of work - can there have ever been magic in routine?
- A sense of having far more choice on everything, albeit confusing, rather than just going with the flow

- Much less compartmentalisation - people seen more in the round rather than as significant individuals or groups
- Much less willingness to hear standards one was brought up with as having universal credibility when imposed by dubious elites
- The sheer disgust about a system that goes way beyond any mild rebellion in the teenage years - yes it is inept and corrupt
- Far less expansionary, fewer dragons to slay as they never could have been, happier not to be travelling
- More anxious and less anxious from the knowledge that life is a battleground and yet one isn't now in the battle
- Ongoing learning essential and for its own sake, enjoyment of teaching, knowing sadly that most people prefer to do neither
- A much greater liking of animals for some reason which I had never taken a lot of notice of before

I think I would sum it up by saying that I feel very competent indeed and totally useless; both very confident and lacking in all confidence. In earlier times, I would never have thought of myself as anything other than reasonably competent and striving to be accepted as such or far less confident than I thought I appeared to some and doing my utmost to feel more at ease. One thing I realise is that most people don't really think about anyone a great deal. In the case of many, though not all, that is a blessing.

[salymap]

Bless you my children. I remember feeling a failure at 32 because my job in music seemed to be going nowhere and I felt sidelined. I was quite wrong, learned to live with myself and grew up a little.

Now, at over 80, I send Christmas cards as a sort of roll call. So far I've heard that an 88 year old artist friend is still driving, like me has sight and walking problems butother is still herself. Another RAH friend, 83 next year as I am, plays the organ at Church, gives piano lessons and is fullof fun. There have been reports of ops, accidents,someone my age has bought a boat, moored on the Medway. Wow, life goes on until it stops.
Like Mary Chambers I can hardly remember 50 but SHB, you are still young - good luck, good health to you and bestio.

[Dave2002]

I'm somewhat in the middle here, as I've moved on a bit more than a decade. I still have friends and family who are considerably older than I am, though parents and in-laws and a few uncles and aunts have "gone ahead". I'm still hoping to "do something" - though don't know what, or perhaps also "why". We're all very different in some ways. Some people won't have resources (finance, opportunities), others won't know what to do with what they've got. Money doesn't make you happy, but it helps. Travel can be fun, but it doesn't necessarily mean you have a better life, or understand it better, and in any case is it really so essential for every individual to try to understand what life is all about?

Over 50 one may be vulnerable - particularly in harsh economic times. People hang on to jobs they don't really like, because the jobless alternative seems worse to them. Some people lose their jobs and find new ones, and others lose their jobs and perhaps lose their way too. Some have to live with illness or face up to it, or have to take on roles as carers for other people. For some 50 might be the age at which any children may have left home and start to make their own way in the world. This can be a joy and a pain. It is also - a sign of modern economics - possible that they [children] will return, and need help - accommodation, storage and wonga even into their thirties.

Some may decide to leave partners, or to change partners, and some will positively decide to stick. Some will drift - and just wonder what's going to happen next - or not.

Some people will want to like and be liked, but by 50 one may realise that this is not always possible. Most of us need to like and be liked by a few people - family, friends etc.

Like Lat, I personally still get very annoyed by incompetence, unfairness and and what I see as corruption. The one fairly significant thing which has changed for me is my attitude to the Queen. When I was younger I did not like the monarchy, but now I feel that it's more benign than having elected presidents or other systems which other countries have. I also have great admiration for anyone who can stand upright for hours in the rain at a rather more advanced age than my own. I certainly cannot stand upright in one place for more than a few minutes [tested on occasion, such as at the Proms, weddings, other social occasions etc.], which clearly the Queen and the Duke of E were able to do earlier this year. This hasn't made me a royalist, but I wish her well nevertheless.

The UK has its problems - but for most of us it presents a fairly comfortable environment in which to live. Many living in other parts of the world are much less fortunate, perhaps because of poverty, corruption, or cultural attitudes.

Lastly, feelings, anxieties, concerns etc. can be just as strong as they were decades ago, and this seems also to be the case for others who are ten or twenty years older than I am now. It may, however, be the case that one's physical and mental abilities do seem to be reduced, and there may come a time when it is necessary to face up to this. At fifty, for many, it is still possible to achieve a lot in the future, so face up not give up - enjoy life and strive is what I'd suggest.

50 is only 8+42, which we hear is the answer to just about everything. Cheers to everyone - whatever age!

[BBMmk2]

Good conclusion to yoiur post there Dave2002!!

I am 56 now, so that has eclipsed me by 6 years! But I think they say that when you reach 60, that's the new 40?

[ahinton]

The people that could tell you the most about passing 50 are surely those who've done it twice, of which two particularly distinguished examples who continued to work beyond their centenaries - Jacques Barzun and Elliott Carter - have departed from us all recently so can no longer do so, sadly...

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

The two threads are now merged.