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English is unusual in requiring different verb forms for the protasis and apodosis of a conditional sentence. In Latin, and the few modern European languages I know, the same construction is used.
But we're supposed to say If you had done this, I would have done that.
This can become (for the sake of what the speaker feels is balance) If you would have done this, I would have done that, contracted to If you'd have done this, I'd have done that.
Them we find the first clause expanded again, wrongly, to If you had have done this...
You are quite right. People don't carefully consider subtleties of meaning (at least, not usually). "If I should have done..." and "If I had done..." could be said to have different meanings, with the first referring to an earlier time than the second. But that's the sort of distinction for pedants.
There's so much that is wrong in that sentence. It doesn't make any sense to me at all.
The writer imagines Bernstein thinking something like 'I am now a cultural icon in America, so I should be more closely associated in people's minds with European cultural icons, who pronounce their names in European ways - in my case, -stein not -steen.'
Bernstein isn't thinking If I were a cultural icon, I would pronounce my name in such a way. He's thinking I am, and I will.
The writer imagines Bernstein thinking something like 'I am now a cultural icon in America, so I should be more closely associated in people's minds with European cultural icons, who pronounce their names in European ways - in my case, -stein not -steen.'
Bernstein isn't thinking If I were a cultural icon, I would pronounce my name in such a way. He's thinking I am, and I will.
oh dear, this fault must be very deeply-ingrained in my brain, I'm sure I can hear a teacher saying to me - "if you'd've done your homework on time, you wouldn't have had to catch up now"
From one of our very own this very morn, "There are a large number of Bruckner recordings clamouring for your attention ... ". No names. No pack drill.
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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