Tax Avoidance 101: Investing in British film

[ahinton]

Steady now, Lupin

What's a Canadian violinist got to do with this? Canada's not a tax haven, is it?

[amateur51]

What's a Canadian violinist got to do with this? Canada's not a tax haven, is it?

I was referring to Mr Pooter's son Lupin in Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith

Lupin is discharged. We are in great trouble. Lupin gets engaged elsewhere at a handsome salary.

May 13. - A terrible misfortune has happened: Lupin is discharged from Mr. Perkupp’s office; and I scarcely know how I am writing my diary. I was away from office last Sat., the first time I have been absent through illness for twenty years. I believe I was poisoned by some lobster. Mr. Perkupp was also absent, as Fate would have it; and our most valued customer, Mr. Crowbillon, went to the office in a rage, and withdrew his custom. My boy Lupin not only had the assurance to receive him, but recommended him the firm of Gylterson, Sons and Co. Limited. In my own humble judgment, and though I have to say it against my own son, this seems an act of treachery.

This morning I receive a letter from Perkupp, informing me that Lupin’s services are no longer required, and an interview with me is desired at eleven o’clock. I went down to the office with an aching heart, dreading an interview with Mr. Perkupp, with whom I have never had a word. I saw nothing of Lupin in the morning. He had not got up when it was time for me to leave, and Carrie said I should do no good by disturbing him. My mind wandered so at the office that I could not do my work properly.

As I expected, I was sent for by Mr. Perkupp, and the following conversation ensued as nearly as I can remember it.

Mr. Perkupp said: “Good-morning, Mr. Pooter! This is a very serious business. I am not referring so much to the dismissal of your son, for I knew we should have to part sooner or later. I am the head of this old, influential, and much-respected firm; and when I consider the time has come to revolutionise the business, I will do it myself.”

I could see my good master was somewhat affected, and I said: “I hope, sir, you do not imagine that I have in any way countenanced my son’s unwarrantable interference?” Mr. Perkupp rose from his seat and took my hand, and said: “Mr. Pooter, I would as soon suspect myself as suspect you.” I was so agitated that in the confusion, to show my gratitude I very nearly called him a “grand old man.”

Fortunately I checked myself in time, and said he was a “grand old master.” I was so unaccountable for my actions that I sat down, leaving him standing. Of course, I at once rose, but Mr. Perkupp bade me sit down, which I was very pleased to do. Mr. Perkupp, resuming, said: “You will understand, Mr. Pooter, that the high- standing nature of our firm will not admit of our bending to anybody. If Mr. Crowbillon chooses to put his work into other hands - I may add, less experienced hands - it is not for us to bend and beg back his custom.” “You SHALL not do it, sir,” I said with indignation. “Exactly,” replied Mr. Perkupp; “I shall NOT do it. But I was thinking this, Mr. Pooter. Mr. Crowbillon is our most valued client, and I will even confess - for I know this will not go beyond ourselves - that we cannot afford very well to lose him, especially in these times, which are not of the brightest. Now, I fancy you can be of service.”

I replied: “Mr. Perkupp, I will work day and night to serve you!”

Mr. Perkupp said: “I know you will. Now, what I should like you to do is this. You yourself might write to Mr. Crowbillon - you must not, of course, lead him to suppose I know anything about your doing so - and explain to him that your son was only taken on as a clerk - quite an inexperienced one in fact - out of the respect the firm had for you, Mr. Pooter. This is, of course, a fact. I don’t suggest that you should speak in too strong terms of your own son’s conduct; but I may add, that had he been a son of mine, I should have condemned his interference with no measured terms. That I leave to you. I think the result will be that Mr. Crowbillon will see the force of the foolish step he has taken, and our firm will neither suffer in dignity nor in pocket.”

I could not help thinking what a noble gentleman Mr. Perkupp is. His manners and his way of speaking seem to almost thrill one with respect.

I said: “Would you like to see the letter before I send it?”

Mr. Perkupp said: “Oh no! I had better not. I am supposed to know nothing about it, and I have every confidence in you. You must write the letter carefully. We are not very busy; you had better take the morning to-morrow, or the whole day if you like. I shall be here myself all day to-morrow, in fact all the week, in case Mr. Crowbillon should call.”

I went home a little more cheerful, but I left word with Sarah that I could not see either Gowing or Cummings, nor in fact anybody, if they called in the evening. Lupin came into the parlour for a moment with a new hat on, and asked my opinion of it. I said I was not in the mood to judge of hats, and I did not think he was in a position to buy a new one. Lupin replied carelessly: “I didn’t buy it; it was a present.”

I have such terrible suspicions of Lupin now that I scarcely like to ask him questions, as I dread the answers so. He, however, saved me the trouble.

He said: “I met a friend, an old friend, that I did not quite think a friend at the time; but it’s all right. As he wisely said, ’all is fair in love and war,’ and there was no reason why we should not be friends still. He’s a jolly, good, all-round sort of fellow, and a very different stamp from that inflated fool of a Perkupp.”

I said: “Hush, Lupin! Do not pray add insult to injury.”

Lupin said: “What do you mean by injury? I repeat, I have done no injury. Crowbillon is simply tired of a stagnant stick-in-the-mud firm, and made the change on his own account. I simply recommended the new firm as a matter of biz - good old biz!”

I said quietly: “I don’t understand your slang, and at my time of life have no desire to learn it; so, Lupin, my boy, let us change the subject. I will, if it please you, TRY and be interested in your new hat adventure.”

Lupin said: “Oh! there’s nothing much about it, except I have not once seen him since his marriage, and he said he was very pleased to see me, and hoped we should be friends. I stood a drink to cement the friendship, and he stood me a new hat - one of his own.”

I said rather wearily: “But you have not told me your old friend’s name?”

Lupin said, with affected carelessness: “Oh didn’t I? Well, I will. It was MURRAY POSH.”

[ahinton]

I was referring to Mr Pooter's son Lupin in Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith

Yes, I did of course realise that! (pace my earlier reference to a gross myth)...

[Beef Oven]

What is? I might as well have written of you "OMG! it's a gross myth!!!". But, as you no doubt noticed, I didn't...

Never mind that; what about Bart, who meant to write

"Better get some untaxed income,
You gotta buy an ISA or two"

...except, of course, that it's illegal to buy more than one of them in any one tax year...

Dear ahinton,

You are much funnier when you are not trying to be. Just be yourself!

Ludwig van Beef Oven

[ahinton]

Dear ahinton,

You are much funnier when you are not trying to be. Just be yourself!

Ludwig van Beef Oven

I am never - nor have I ever been nor could I ever be - anyone else!...

Alexander non Zemlinsky

[teamsaint]

never understood the tax mollycoddling of the film industry.
Woodlands get special treatment because of the time scale (supposedly, though its really cos its rich folks that own them).
But by the same logic all those writers with blocks and composers ripping up the first 8 versions of their works should get special treatment too.

[antongould]

I would be very surprised if the K2 scheme that Carr was using is found to be legal. It involved lying about the nature of the payment being made - i.e. saying it was a loan when clearly it was nothing of the kind.

My daughter works for the Tax Department of one of the leading firms of Accountants. The day after Mr. Cameron's attack they had many clients ringing up to complain that they had not been advised to use the Jimmy Carr scheme!!

[ahinton]

My daughter works for the Tax Department of one of the leading firms of Accountants. The day after Mr. Cameron's attack they had many clients ringing up to complain that they had not been advised to use the Jimmy Carr scheme!!

How many of those clients have since sued the firm and for how much? That is, after all, a pretty reprehensibly careless omission for which any respectable and self-respecting accountancy firm could lay itself open to be charged as guilty, n'est-ce pas? Mon Dieu, to what is the world coming?!!...