"The innate hostility of inanimate objects"

[Panjandrum]

There's one thing I'm not clear about. Does the "we" above refer to you and the then Mrs P, or you and the vacuum cleaner?

Apologies for not replying sooner Mangerton. The answer to your question is (as I am sure you could have predicted): both of them.

[mangerton]

Apologies for not replying sooner Mangerton. The answer to your question is (as I am sure you could have predicted): both of them.

Not at all, Panjandrum. As you surmised, I did come to that conclusion.

[Osborn]

... instead of the sympathetic cooing which I considered my due as the blood poured out of the gash in my leg, she just said, "what the hell do you think you're doing?" My response that the bloody thing had tried to kill me was waved away as she berated me, saying: "if you've broken it you'll have to go out and buy a new one".

Sorry, I'm a bit confused. Does Mrs P think you can just pop into Boots, M & S, B & Q or Jewsons & buy an off the peg leg on your Visa card? Or did she mean you'ld have to get a new house-trained pet Dalek from the rescue home?

[french frank]

[Panjandrum]

Good to see Ossie does have a SoH, albeit a bit long winded.

Bicycle "D" Locks: My Kryptonite (sic) kryptolok's locking mechanism, guaranteed to defeat any cycle thief, bamboozled my attempts to open it (ie WD40; much wiggling and yanking; followed by cussing of a truly appalling nature). Sod's law required I was stranded miles from home. One expensive call out to a 24 hr locksmiths later, what happens? The chap says "Can I just try the key"; puts said key in lock; gives it a twiddle and the whole thing opens up. Me, embarrassed, and 79 quid down (inc VAT).

[Pianorak]

. . . Me, embarrassed, and 79 quid down (inc VAT).

In need of cheering up?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0124qtf/Cabin_Pressure_Series_3_Qikiqtarjuaq/

[Jonathan]

Anyone else have problems with door handles - especially when walking past them, catching the cuffs of a shirt on them and being stopped in your tracks?
Maybe it's just me?

Also plugs, as in the electrical variety - is there anything more painful than standing on one?

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Anyone else have problems with door handles - especially when walking past them, catching the cuffs of a shirt on them and being stopped in your tracks?
Maybe it's just me?

No: I have the ripped jacket sleeves to prove it!

[teamsaint]

Anyone else have problems with door handles - especially when walking past them, catching the cuffs of a shirt on them and being stopped in your tracks?
Maybe it's just me?

Also plugs, as in the electrical variety - is there anything more painful than standing on one?

no, my lounge/kitchen door actually moves of its own free will to catch my cuffs.

Worse than standing on a plug....standing on two?

And exactly HOW does a piece of paper cut you?
I mean, YOU try cutting something, anything(except a finger) with a piece of A4...........

[LeMartinPecheur]

Anyone else have problems with door handles - especially when walking past them, catching the cuffs of a shirt on them and being stopped in your tracks?

Maybe it's just me?

Definitely just you Jonathan - this has never happened to me....

....whereas I'm sure we all know the propensity of dressing-gown belt-loops to catch on door handles and stop you dead in your tracks...

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Definitely just you Jonathan

A- HEMM!
#98, THANK YOU! <jowelwobblemoticon>

[salymap]

I've had a Christmas/New Year with several of these exciting things happening to me. Ever since I cooked the porridge for just one minute too long and it exploded all over the microwave.

I hope you all had good control over the broom handles, jugs of water, shirt/dressing gown sleeves caught on doors etc. Any good stories to relate ?

[Ferretfancy]

I've had a Christmas/New Year with several of these exciting things happening to me. Ever since I cooked the porridge for just one minute too long and it exploded all over the microwave.

I hope you all had good control over the broom handles, jugs of water, shirt/dressing gown sleeves caught on doors etc. Any good stories to relate ?

salymap,

Were there heaving passions going on over the porridge as in Cold Comfort Farm?

"Judith's breath came in long shudders. She thrust her arms into her shawl. The porridge gave an ominous leering heave;it might almost have been endowed with life, so uncannily did its movements keep pace with the human passions that throbbed above it.
'Cur,' said Judith, levelly at last. 'Coward! Liar! Libertine!. Who were you with last night? Moll at the mill or Violet at the Vicarage? Or Ivy, perhaps, at the ironmonger's?
Seth - my son.... Her deep dry voice quivered, but she whipped it back, and her next words flew out at him like a lash.
'Do you want to break my heart?'
'Yes,' said Seth with an elemental simplicity.

The porridge boiled over.

[JFLL]

I hope you all had good control over the broom handles, jugs of water, shirt/dressing gown sleeves caught on doors etc. Any good stories to relate ?

It’s been raining for days and you’re walking down a pavement made up not of tarmac but of paving-stones. You carefully judge which ones might be loose, but the one you choose is always the one with a wobbble which somehow manages to throw up a pint of water lurking underneath, soaking your right trouser-leg. While you’re cursing, a juggernaut goes past, taking in the puddle in the road which, it so happens, is just beside the offending paving-stone, thus drenching your left trouser-leg.

(Hoffnung would have told this much better …)

[EdgeleyRob]

I still haven't won my battle with clingfilm,it just doesn't work for me.