"The innate hostility of inanimate objects"

[Nick Armstrong]

That's a phrase coined by my dad (certainly used by him) for those moments when things start to get their own back... Frequent moments, in his case: how often the air rang at home with "Come on, you damn thing" or "Why the hangment won't this wretched object.... &c &c" (Incidentally, anyone else ever heard the word "hangment" used to replace a profanity?)

With me, it's coat hangers. I just found myself swearing at a series of wire triangles which would not separate, and those that did insisted on slithering to the floor, behind shelves... I banged my head, grazed my knuckles...

Anyone else got any inanimate objects that regularly wish them harm?

[umslopogaas]

"Anyone else got any inanimate objects that regularly wish them harm?"

The door lintels in my living room. It wasnt the smartest move in the world for a six foot one chap to buy an old cottage with five foot six doors. The top of my head bears the scars of my rashness. I have learned the hard way that I must duck, but I still occasionally forget. Cordless phones are part of the problem, the first night I moved in here I was walking around on the phone to a friend and walked smack into the lintel. Didnt quite knock myself out, but I remember saying to Gill, I'll call you back, there's a lot of blood.

[Serial_Apologist]

Anyone else got any inanimate objects that regularly wish them harm?

1) Can lids

2) When out cycling, unseen ruts and potholes in the road

3) In my flat I have those cleverly pivoted doors which are designed to remain open, but slowly close at the slightest draught. Turn round at the wrong moment, and you're left with that lame old excuse: "Oh, I walked into a door. No, really!"

4) Trouser zips

[vinteuil]

Resistentialism .... a theory in which inanimate objects display hostile desires towards human beings. For example, objects that cause problems (like lost keys or a fleeing bouncy ball) exhibit a high degree of resistentialism. In other words, a war is being fought between humans and inanimate objects, and all the little annoyances objects give people throughout the day are battles between the two. The term was coined by humourist Paul Jennings in a piece titled "Report on Resistentialism" published in 'The Spectator' in 1948.

Resistentialism is an example of the 'perversity of inanimate objects' or the 'innate perversity of inanimate objects'. This phrase (now abbreviated to IPIO) has been attributed to a variety of authors but the earliest appears to be Mary Abigail Dodge (March 31, 1833 - August 17, 1896) - an American writer and essayist who wrote under the pseudonym Gail Hamilton.

[vinteuil]

"Les choses sont contre nous".

https://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/21/magazine/21ONLANGUAGE.html

[Nick Armstrong]

...'The Spectator' in 1948.

Resistentialism is an example of the 'perversity of inanimate objects' or the 'innate perversity of inanimate objects'. This phrase (now abbreviated to IPIO) has been attributed to a variety of authors but the earliest appears to be Mary Abigail Dodge (March 31, 1833 - August 17, 1896) - an American writer and essayist who wrote under the pseudonym Gail Hamilton

Oh BRAVO vindetable Thank you! My 18 year old pa must have come across that... (Where did you find that? Did you know it? Or was there some deft searching?)

Umslops: I am 6' 5" and toyed with the idea of buying a cottage some years ago. The danger element (plus the absurdity of seeing me in a place with low doors and ceilings) happily put me off at an early stage... For the same reason, I am an enemy of yachts and other boats of most kinds - other than the extremely large and expensive kind (not that I have any experience of them )

S_A:

[Nick Armstrong]

"Les choses sont contre nous".

https://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/21/m...NLANGUAGE.html

[Anna]

Oh BRAVO vindetable Thank you! My 18 year old pa must have come across that...

Is the 18 year old in addition to your Aged Pa?
Surprised you have cheap wire coat hangars, surely everyone has those lovely wooden ones which cannot do you a mischief and keep the shape of the clothes better?

Ring pulls - they always get stuck halfway resulting in blood in the sardines
Childproof containers - I have to resort to the nutcrackers to open a bottle of bleach
Garden hoses - have a life of their own when you try to coil them up again

[Serial_Apologist]

Oh, and shoelaces - which these days seem made to come undone, even when double-knotted!

And what my dad called "My Russian friend Iva Buttonoff" - always happens when one is in a hurry.

[Nick Armstrong]

Is the 18 year old in addition to your Aged Pa?
Surprised you have cheap wire coat hangars, surely everyone has those lovely wooden ones which cannot do you a mischief and keep the shape of the clothes better?

Ring pulls - they always get stuck halfway resulting in blood in the sardines
Childproof containers - I have to resort to the nutcrackers to open a bottle of bleach
Garden hoses - have a life of their own when you try to coil them up again

No I mean he must have read that in 1948 when he was 18...

I have wire hangers for tee-shirts etc... of which about 10 came out of the machine this morning

Hate hoses. I'm very good at opening things though

[Nick Armstrong]

Oh, and shoelaces - which these days seem made to come undone, even when double-knotted!

And what my dad called "My Russian friend Iva Buttonoff" - always happens when one is in a hurry.

Mine always break when I am in a hurry - but I rationalise that as being me pulling them with undue energy...

[mangerton]

"Les choses sont contre nous".

https://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/21/m...NLANGUAGE.html

Magnifique! That bit about pockets and doorknobs strikes a chord.

I'm also reminded of these. (Bad language warning)

If you're a diy-er, you'll know all about pingf***its. If you're not, google will satisfy your curiosity.

[Serial_Apologist]

Ring pulls - they always get stuck halfway resulting in blood in the sardines

I've found the solution there, Anna. Lift ring pull slightly. Place firmly between prongs of a fork. Holding tin firmly on each side with left hand, while pushing down firmly on the lid with remaining available fingers, wind fork counterclockwise - or alternatively swap hands and wind fork clockwise.

Childproof containers - I have to resort to the nutcrackers to open a bottle of bleach

Opening packs of batteries is especially difficult, I find, usually resorting to a sharp peeling knife. Lids on preserves are beginning to become problematic - I have one of those "rubber saucer" things obtainable from those freebie mags which come through the door advertising neck vibrators and wide-fitting slippers, or whatever.

When is someone going to mention junk mail - particularly the one item like the umpteenth curryhouse menu that drops just after you've been down to the recycle bin in the pouring rain?

[vinteuil]

tee-shirts etc...

teeshirts? - o Caliban, - and we had such great hopes for you...

[LeMartinPecheur]

"The innate hostility of inanimate objects"

My dad always referred to "the cussedness of inanimate objects".
Maybe this was the red-top version?