Mateyness

[kernelbogey]

When I asked a man in a council lorry this morning if I could go 100 yards down a road that was signed as closed (to take the cats to the vet, since you ask) he replied 'Yes, mate, of course'.

This informal mode of address has been common between friends for several years amongst my children's generation - even between women - a generation raised on 'Neighbours'. It now seems to be quite commonly and widely used between strangers, for example if you ask a stranger the time or for directions.

Although I'm of a generation and class to whom this is rather alien I've recently found myself adopting it - I think as a way of lowering potential barriers (c.f. 'excuse me, my good man, would you be so kind...'). For example, pulling up in my car next to a stranger in a strange town on Saturday and asking 'Excuse me mate, can you tell me if I'm on the right road to Xxxxx....'

Musing on this over the day it's crossed my mind that this is a social trend which is quite beneficial. It occurs to me too that it is mimicked in the whole increasing informality of presentation on Radio 3.

[Mandryka]

Can't stand it myself. It presupposes a non-existent intimacy. Whenever anyone addresses me as 'mate' (even if I know them reasonably well), I shudder. And I don't think I've ever called anyone 'mate' in my life.

I find the older I get, the more I appreciate formality: when a worker in a shop or hotel addresses me as 'sir', I smile, as it reassures me that the speaker has got the client/provider interface right. It's worth paying over the odds to visit Betty's Tea Rooms in Yorkshire where this kind of olde worlde service and manners (together with aprons and jackets) is upheld and cherished (and the lunches are wonderful, too).

Likewise, in a shop, if the person behind the counter calls me 'boss', I get the same feeling - I am the person who matters most, being the customer.

I suspect I may be somewhat younger than kernelbogey, which suggests I'm well on my way to becoming a real pompous reactionary in later life. Indeed, I may be there already!

[mangerton]

Can't stand it myself. It presupposes a non-existent intimacy. Whenever anyone addresses me as 'mate' (even if I know them reasonably well), I shudder.

As do I. Or if I'm told I'll "See you later". I'm sometimes tempted to reply, "Yes, fine, where?"

[eighthobstruction]

OK Mate....Betties is a po-faced anachronomism where young girls are stopped being themselves on fear of being sacked....the fair is average and extremely expensive and is inhabited by tourists and gentle folk [cough ahem] who are meeting from out of town, as they cruise the charity shops....as an icon [and easy place to suggest as a meeting place] of the Agatha Christie years. I believe we are waiting for the Harrogate and Ilkley RIOTS so they may be burned....HARRY RAMSDENS anyone....

[Chris Newman]

If somebody calls me "Sir" I suspect they are an officer of the law and are under the impression that I might be about to do or have just done something nefarious.

[eighthobstruction]

I get more worried , when someone says, "To be honest blaa blaa"....or " Truthfully speaking blaa blaa"....

[Flosshilde]

I wouldn't use it myself. If I want to ask directions (to use the Colonel's example) I simply say 'Excuse me, can you tell me etc'. I don't see the need for any other form of address.
It's not neccessarily friendly, either. It can be used in a threatening way - 'Look, mate'

[Mandryka]

I get more worried , when someone says, "To be honest blaa blaa"....or " Truthfully speaking blaa blaa"....

Yes, when I hear either of those, I start bunching my fists, as I know a fight is in the offing. :)

I think the Betty's girls look great in their aprons and Edwardian tops. And the all-enveloping nature of the garb means we're spared having to glimpse the tattoos and piercings that - doubtless - lie beneath. No, I'm an unapologetic fan of Betty's - walking into a branch is just like walking into pre-1914 England (the affluent part, of course) .

[Petrushka]

I find myself going in the opposite direction to Mandryka and find that as I age I am all for the informality one meets nowadays (though admit 'Mate' is likely to make me cringe somewhat). I really do not like being called 'Sir' and 'Mr' makes me turn round expecting to find my father behind me. I greatly prefer being addressed by my first name by all who know it.

[Chris Newman]

I am with you, Petrushka. If someone calls me "Christopher" I think of my father or an aged great-aunt tearing me off a strip for something very insignificant really.

[Mahlerei]

I find myself going in the opposite direction to Mandryka and find that as I age I am all for the informality one meets nowadays (though admit 'Mate' is likely to make me cringe somewhat). I really do not like being called 'Sir' and 'Mr' makes me turn round expecting to find my father behind me. I greatly prefer being addressed by my first name by all who know it.

Yes, me too. Maybe it's a reaction to being called bwana or baas all those years ago, usually by people who were much older than me. It made me uncomfortable then, as excessive formality makes me feel now..

[Ariosto]

I never have a problem, as I refuse to have social (or any sort of) intercourse with strangers.

[MickyD]

This is where the address of "Monsieur" or "Madame" is so useful in French - it immediately shows respect and as much formality as is necessary, but is not in any way regarded as stuffy, class-ridden or old fashioned.

[amateur51]

Anyone old enough to remember Dennis Price's superlative creation of PG Wodehouse's Jeeves on BBC television in the 60s will recall that the term 'Sir' may be used to express a variety of emotions from domestic servility through to exasperation and utter contempt

http://www.pgwodehousebooks.com/images/worldwooster.jpg

[Mandryka]

Yes, I do the 'turning round thing expecting to see my father' when addressed as Mr, too! :)

Sort of on topic, how do we feel about the, now standard, 'no worries' or 'no problem' that invariably follows when we have given our order/made our request? I often feel like emulating Harold Pinter and replying, 'Why should there be any worries/problems?' but am always too polite to do so.