Getting old

[Mary Chambers]

Perhaps it's lazy but I prefer to think of my parents and other loved ones as I remember them and never visit family graves or the crem. I think the last grave I visited was Beecham's in the beautiful wild Brookwood Cemetary in Surrey, before his widow moved him to Limpsfield, near Delius.

I can't see anything lazy about it, salymap. I am strangely illogical about it. I am not interested at all in where relations are buried or where their remains are, but I have been known to visit the graves of musicians and writers - I wonder why? I suppose I haven't got the personal connection, so look for a connection in some other way.

Some of my parents' belongings are very important to me, though. I have the medal my mother was given, inscribed 'for excellence', when she won a school scholarship at the age of ten in 1917. For some reason this is one of my most precious possessions, I suppose because it mattered a lot to her. Old photographs seem very important, too.

[french frank]

We have three family graves that have family wreaths put on them every Christmas. One hasn't seen a new burial since 1935 (no one living remembers any of them), another since 1956 (a great uncle who I remember was the most recent of four) and the third houses my grandparents and father. My grandfather and father 'did the graves' when I was a child; then my father and I took over; now my brother and I do the family 'duty'. The next generation won't bother

[vinteuil]

I think the last grave I visited was Beecham's in the beautiful wild Brookwood Cemetery in Surrey... .

salymap - I think this may have been a subject that's cropped up before - but I see in next week's Radio Times : Saturday 24 September BBC Radio 4 Extra [BBC Radio 7 as was... ] - "5.30pm One Way to Necropolis Alan Dein travels along the railway line that leads from London's Waterloo to Brookwood Cemetery in Surrey."

[Anna]

Oh thanks vinteuil, I'll certainly listen to that programme about Brookwood, a place I have always wanted to visit

Doing my family research I located the plot number of maternal greatgrandmother, who died young, it's totally unmarked and she shares with a 1 year old girl, who died the same year, a common occurance I guess if you are poor but it threw me initially. On my grandfather's maternal side there are three tombstones dating mid to late 1700s which line the path to the door of the Church, father, son and grandson, all of whom were in turn Church Wardens, I have not visited but a cousin kindly sent me photos of them (50 years on and that family were in the workhouse as paupers, no idea what occasioned their fall from grace!) I also have photos of paternal gg grandpa and ma's headstones, again never visited. It just ties up family history to have a record of resting place.

[Stillhomewardbound]

When I was my married my wife and I would accompany her grandmother to Lewisham Crematorium for their annual memorial service. Few of her relatives were buried there other than her eight year old son. He'd lost his life along with 37 other children of the school and six teachers when their school was bombed during the lunchbreak by a lone bomber. The boy's father, a local constable, was one of the first on the scene and pulled his own son from the rubble.

[Dave2002]

I heard that programme Dave flagged up. I thought the segment on leaving your body to medical research, as related by daughter whose mother had done so, very interesting. I was quite taken with the fact that I could be useful to others whilst technically dead. However, do the relatives have an ersatz funeral whilst waiting for the remains to be finally released by the Medics? The Professor said this could take either 3 months or perhaps 3 years. Would relatives want to have another funeral after this length of time?

Also, thinking of a very recent local death and funeral of someone who died aged 57, his wife and mother go every 2 days to the cemetery to have a talk with him, so that rather complicates matters further if you don't have the remains readily to hand to to that.

I thought it was 1 year or 3 years, depending on whether the remains were used for Surgery (Surgical classes?) or Anatomy. What difference does that make?

Also, there was a suggestion that what was left would eventually be cremated, but would there be an option for burial? Presumably a bag of bits is handed back - to an undertaker.

Maybe one good thing would be that the chances of still being alive would be minimised - for anyone who's scared of being buried alive or otherwise.

The point about services is also relevant. Is there anything equivalent to a funeral service?

Is the option to have one's body used in this way handled nationally, or does one have to trawl round hospitals looking for takers?

Seems a fairly sensible thing overall, or maybe one should donate bits for medical procedures. When last I checked bits of eyes could be used for transplantation. Perhaps having one's brain taken out would be of interest to some. I saw a TV programme in which brain slices were being taken - for study purposes obviously. You could have it pickled and stored in a jar maybe. Would one's relatives want to know?

[Anna]

From a quick look, only organisations reasonably local to the deceased will accept whole bodies due to cost of transport. There is an interactive map based on postcode to find nearest research facility. There is a section (link below) about donating brains. Brains unaffected by Alzheimer's, Parkinson's etc., are used as control subjects. All has to be put in writing before death, relatives cannot authorise as they can with organ donations.

http://www.hta.gov.uk/bodyorganandtissuedonation/howtodonateyourbody/donatingyourbrain.cfm

[PatrickOD]

My thoughts wander off in a different direction. Reality is too...... real. Sentimentality is more comforting. The Lunchtime Concerts prompted this burst of sad but not despairing resignation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFUOwH1xaCA

[BBMmk2]

We have three family graves that have family wreaths put on them every Christmas. One hasn't seen a new burial since 1935 (no one living remembers any of them), another since 1956 (a great uncle who I remember was the most recent of four) and the third houses my grandparents and father. My grandfather and father 'did the graves' when I was a child; then my father and I took over; now my brother and I do the family 'duty'. The next generation won't bother

I just wonder, somedtimes about the next generation. There some good people there, but I do hope they will have respect for the deceased as we do?

[mercia]

a strange paragraph in this piece

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-15242319

The NHS should adhere to the government's protected mealtimes policy, which says wards should be free of visitors and non-emergency medical activity at mealtimes, and that patients should be encouraged to eat - as and when staff are available to helping them.
I hadn't appreciated there was a government protected mealtimes policy

[Norfolk Born]

A recent report suggests that, at Ipswich Hospital, patients need protecting from mealtimes, seeing as 29% of the meals were sent back or at least not eaten.
(Sources: BBC Look East bulletin 0755; Channel 4 News website)

[Ventilhorn]

A recent report suggests that, at Ipswich Hospital, patients need protecting from mealtimes, seeing as 29% of the meals were sent back or at least not eaten.
(Sources: BBC Look East bulletin 0755; Channel 4 News website)

"Seeing as"? That's nearly as bad as "Seeing as how" which was contained in a memo sent to me by a BBC Secretary!

VH

[Norfolk Born]

"Seeing as"? That's nearly as bad as "Seeing as how" which was contained in a memo sent to me by a BBC Secretary!

VH

Please feel free to edit my message, replacing the offending phrase with one of your choice. It's the least I can do, seeing as 'seeing as' doesn't meet with your approval. (Don't blow a valve!

[Ventilhorn]

Please feel free to edit my message, replacing the offending phrase with one of your choice. It's the least I can do, seeing as 'seeing as' doesn't meet with your approval. (Don't blow a valve!

"seeing that" sounds like a better option ─ or simply "as or because" without seeing anything!

"there's none so blind as those who do not wish to see" ─ yet another platitude for our collection

VH

[salymap]

Dear Ventilhorn, you do not like off-topic posts but as this thread is about a serious subject, old age and death, I am surprised that you side track into grammatical aberrations.

[Runs for cover] salymap