Getting old

[Mahlerei]

Yes, this has turned out to an interesting thread, so thanks to those who've posted. It also adds a very human dimension to those familiar monikers.

[Ferretfancy]

I have huge sympathy for the feelings expressed on this thread. My parents had both died by the time I was in my early thirties, so that support has been absent for a long time. They both reached a good age and did not suffer long illnesses.

I have just been reading a report published by Stonewall about the feelings of older gay people as they approach old age, and as you might expect , anxiety levels are high for those living alone. Often they are estranged from their families and lack partners to give them companionship, and they worry about attitudes towards them if they seek professional care. I have a civil partner, and so far we have grown old happily together, but like anybody else I wonder how I might manage alone.
I simply can't imagine being in Shady Pines, sitting in a row of chairs drinking tea and making small talk, always assuming that at that stage I'm capable of doing so.

In the meantime we're in our dotage but off on a trip across Central Asia, so I'll be away from these boards for a while --keep breathing everybody !

[Mahlerei]

Safe trip, ferret.

[Stillhomewardbound]

I have huge sympathy for the feelings expressed on this thread. My parents had both died by the time I was in my early thirties, so that support has been absent for a long time. They both reached a good age and did not suffer long illnesses.

I have just been reading a report published by Stonewall about the feelings of older gay people as they approach old age, and as you might expect , anxiety levels are high for those living alone. Often they are estranged from their families and lack partners to give them companionship, and they worry about attitudes towards them if they seek professional care. I have a civil partner, and so far we have grown old happily together, but like anybody else I wonder how I might manage alone.
I simply can't imagine being in Shady Pines, sitting in a row of chairs drinking tea and making small talk, always assuming that at that stage I'm capable of doing so.

In the meantime we're in our dotage but off on a trip across Central Asia, so I'll be away from these boards for a while --keep breathing everybody !

I do hate to be a curmudgeon on these boards but I saw the very same report, FF, and you'll know from my previous posts how much my condition and status worries me.

I am contemplating establishing a new matchmaking scheme for older and singular LGBT folk.

How silly, if you can imagine it, single older gay men living alone without the poissbility of sharing costs with an neighbour just doors away.

[eighthobstruction]

Good morning Shb....up late too !!

[Petrushka]

There was a recent report that said that 27 million people world-wide were failing to have dementia diagnosed quickly enough. GP's are prone to brush concerns aside as 'just part of growing old'. This ties in with my mother's experience. Seeing the way she was treated in hospital you would have though that she was the only patient who had ever had the problem, so useless were they. Her GP has been very poor, failing to spot very early signs, failing to give her family the right pathway to follow once the diagnosis had been made and messing about with her medication, again as if she had never before had a patient with dementia.

It doesn't inspire much confidence.

[Stillhomewardbound]

Eightobstruction ... I was indeed up late last night and how I actually managed to write that post I don't know. Most tired and emotional I was and feeling the effects of it terribly today.

Flippin' butterflies all banging their wings together outside!

[eighthobstruction]

Without really knowing that much re you Shb....we may be in a similar place I think....Still, as Caliban says "even a stopped watch, tells the etc".

....I was self medicating with a pint of Guiness at time of posting....and eventually slept till 900hrs....

[Stillhomewardbound]

I didn't make it out of my pit until 13:00hrs mysefl. Shocking.

For those of us on here to whom this report will be directly applicable, and other concerned members, here's a link to the Stonewall commissioned survey on the bleak prospect which faces moany gay people in their later years:

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/laterlife

It's very well presented and easily digested.

[Ferretfancy]

Stillhomewardbound

I've tried not to be a moany person myself!

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

Since my mother moved into a care home and with dementia, I have wondered what I might do to improve her quality of life. She appreciates regular visits and likes to be given flowers, but recently my sister and I bought her an electric piano, which I play to entertain her and the other residents every Friday afternoon. I wish we'd thought of this earlier.

[Petrushka]

Since my mother moved into a care home and with dementia, I have wondered what I might do to improve her quality of life. She appreciates regular visits and likes to be given flowers, but recently my sister and I bought her an electric piano, which I play to entertain her and the other residents every Friday afternoon. I wish we'd thought of this earlier.

What a splendid idea, EA! Sad to say my own mother's condition is such that we are having to curtail visits for a while as she gets agitated and aggressive towards staff and other residents once we have departed. However, she is starting to settle more now after correction of her medication which the hospital messed up and we are thinking of ways to improve her quality of life.

[Dave2002]

There was a recent report that said that 27 million people world-wide were failing to have dementia diagnosed quickly enough. GP's are prone to brush concerns aside as 'just part of growing old'. This ties in with my mother's experience. Seeing the way she was treated in hospital you would have though that she was the only patient who had ever had the problem, so useless were they. Her GP has been very poor, failing to spot very early signs, failing to give her family the right pathway to follow once the diagnosis had been made and messing about with her medication, again as if she had never before had a patient with dementia.

It doesn't inspire much confidence.

Petrushka

I can't comment on whether your mother's doctors were ignorant or incompetent, but I fear that overall it may not have made much difference. Maybe it might have helped you and your family to know more about the condition.
I don't know whether it helps the patient. There are people, such as Harold Wilson, who apparently know that they will sink into dementia. Whether that made things better for him I can't say, though as his condition got worse he had little knowledge that he'd been PM. My mother clearly had some form of dementia, but knowing that there are several different types of dementia would have made little difference to her, and again,very little difference to any possible treatment. Some drugs do work quite well at holding things back for a while, but then when the almost inevitable decline sets in it can do so even more rapidly. Maybe one day they'll find drugs or treatments which are significantly more effective at slowing the onset of dementia, but this is really not possible for many patients today.

Some patients may benefit from treatment now, but there are many, perhaps the majority of sufferers, who can't.

For my mother I thought the worst might have been when she realised something was wrong, couldn't understand it, and wanted someone to fix it. Later on this was rather less of a problem.

[Anna]

This thread is a bit frightening regarding dementia/Alzheimer's, from my viewpoint in not knowing a lot about the condition, and never having encountered it in a family member other than my great-uncle. However, I have found the Alzheimer's Society webpage very interesting plus I find that we have locally a Memory Cafe, so here are links to the Society, a rather old article in The Guardian about the setting up of Memory Cafes and a link to find your nearest Cafe. The Cafes sound a very good idea

http://alzheimers.org.uk/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2000/nov/22/voluntarysector.socialcare1

http://www.memorycafes.org.uk/

[Stillhomewardbound]

Yes, I feel a little guilty complaining about the prospects of my later years when there are members here having to cope both with their own infirmities and those of their loved ones.

I recall the Paul Watson documentary on a couple battling with alzheimers - Malcolm and Barbara Pointon. Heartwrenchingly poignant, and as attested in this threads, the dread fate of watching a loved one become a complete stranger.