Getting old

[eighthobstruction]

Being a heavy smoker....and with a family history [on the male side] that has an average mortality at 62 [both sides of family and father had 5 brothers]....I only have 4 years to go....I know that it is likely for one reason and another I'll probably see 70. It would be hard for me to explain and for you to understand my attitude to life and death; so I will not try....

But the scarey thing for me [as I am likely to be a stroke victim] is 'locked in syndrome', bed sores, psychological drugs, not being fed properly . My close family [even though one is a doctor] are BLOOMIN useless at anything nurse like....I am the nurse and TLC person of the family....I keep meaning to write a 'living will', reminding them of my fears, to give them some idea of what is needed in a situation like that....

Thanks for listening [reading]

tim

[Stillhomewardbound]

I keep meaning to write a 'living will', reminding them of my fears, to give them some idea of what is needed in a situation like that....

Tim, do it this weekend. Don't leave these things to chance.

Indeed, it was having to sort out my will earlier this month that got me all maudlin'.

I don't have a partner and live alone, so, albeit slowly, I cottoned on to the fact that I needed to document all apsects of my estate ... bank accounts, utility provider details, council tax etc. and detail what provision there would be settling final bills, funeral costs and such, so my executor wouldn't be working in the dark.

Then before I knew where I was I realised I was designing my own funeral.

Chances are none of these details will have a bearing for many years to come, but there's always the 'what if ...' factor.

My ex-partner, when I was telling her, remarked that it all seemed a bit maudling, but actually I've found the process quite comforting, providing a certain peace of mind, knowning that I will leave my affairs in an orderly manner.

As for my funeral, I'm not going to be there, but already I know the venue and what's going to be on the bill. That's the producer in me, I suppose!

[Dave2002]

I do think, though, that we should be careful when dealing with people who appear not to recognise familiar faces. The fact that they can't communicate recognition doesn't necessarily mean they aren't aware who people are. If you know anyone like this, keep visiting and keep talking. You never know what is registering.

I'd agree with this, up to a point. It's important not to say anything which could affect the person who is unwell if they were fully conscious. One quite amusing story I heard is of some people who went to visit their mother in a home or hospital. She had not been very communicative, so the others spent some time doing a crossword. Mother had always been good at crosswords. One clue was difficult, so they eventually decided that the name of a Greek god fitted. A voice from the bed then proclaimed "No, it's not that one!"

Also distress can set in very quickly for patients who are able to communicate slightly. I saw my father in law get very upset within seconds while listening to music. We'd tried him with headphones with music he liked on the hospital radio system, then something came on which he clearly didn't like - though probably he normally would have done, not unpleasant music by any means. We'll never know why he got so upset so quickly, but we had the headphones off him as fast as we could. We did check the music - perfectly innocuous, and something he knew I think.

[BBMmk2]

that's the wole point with any condition of mental illness, wether it be a type of dementia or whatever. Communciation is the main. I have nursed a lot of people with various forms of dementia. It is the most cruel illness ever, worse than AIDs and anyother I can think of. I am a retired from nursing, (psychiatry), and I still think that this is the worse one of the lot.

Dave2002, he may have thought that he knew the piece of music, and couldnt remember what it was, hence the sudden change of mood?

[Serial_Apologist]

My mum died in 1985, having suffered from dementia for some five years. I don't know if this is any consolation, but my experience was that I went through the grieving process from the moment she finally didn't recognise any of us, know who she was, what age she was or where she was. I remember, following a visit, getting on the train, and thinking, "Thank god to be away from that!", and then shortly afterwards bursting into tears. When the time finally came, I said to my father, "She's well out of it now", and before I had time to regret it, he agreed. I guess I was the life and soul of the party at the funeral - long moved away friends, relatives and people having remembered Mum as she had been were clearly distressed.

I thought it might be worth mentioning this to anyone facing a similar situation with a loved one who is no longer "there"; should one find oneself "prematurely" grieving, don't fret if when the time comes you feel a huge sense of relief; I'm not myself a believer, but if you are I'm sure God will forgive you... it is for that person whom one has lost and will never return.

[eighthobstruction]

Tim, do it this weekend. Don't leave these things to chance.

Indeed, it was having to sort out my will earlier this month that got me all maudlin'.

I don't have a partner and live alone, so, albeit slowly, I cottoned on to the fact that I needed to document all apsects of my estate ... bank accounts, utility provider details, council tax etc. and detail what provision there would be settling final bills, funeral costs and such, so my executor wouldn't be working in the dark.

Then before I knew where I was I realised I was designing my own funeral.

Chances are none of these details will have a bearing for many years to come, but there's always the 'what if ...' factor.

My ex-partner, when I was telling her, remarked that it all seemed a bit maudling, but actually I've found the process quite comforting, providing a certain peace of mind, knowning that I will leave my affairs in an orderly manner.

As for my funeral, I'm not going to be there, but already I know the venue and what's going to be on the bill. That's the producer in me, I suppose!

Yes I'm certainly right there with you Shb....in almost exactly the same position....[if you remember, my partner left me because of my cat and dog writing an opera] <no emoticon available for agitation caused> ....no seriously , I'm on your wave-length there....

As regards funeral....I have decide not to have one. I will just be taken away and burned. No Funeral service. Nobody at Crematorium....Later people can have a memorial type thing in a friends barn on top of the moor....they can have a blomin good dance to my favourite music, a cry at some of the more sentimental stuff....and friends will read out my bad poetry and prose just for this moment....all my writings have [will have had] led to this/that moment. I have been to too many funerals where the only good part in those cold, stark, stark boring, austere crematoria....was my [what ulligy?]....usually funny and left -field. Being an athetist-existentialist [who regularly talks to vicars, and invites Mormons and etc in for a cup of tea] church is out of the question....

[eighthobstruction]

that's the wole point with any condition of mental illness, wether it be a type of dementia or whatever. Communciation is the main. I have nursed a lot of people with various forms of dementia. It is the most cruel illness ever, worse than AIDs and anyother I can think of. I am a retired from nursing, (psychiatry), and I still think that this is the worse one of the lot.

Dave2002, he may have thought that he knew the piece of music, and couldnt remember what it was, hence the sudden change of mood?

I was a mental-health worker too bbm....residential care....stressful and generally unrewarding I found [mentally and ££££]....

[Stillhomewardbound]

Eightobstruction ... despite being a lapsed catholic my instructions are for a full requiem mass at St.Patrick's RC Church in Soho Square. I grew up with all the rigmarole of the church around me, the smells, the bells, the swish of the vestments and smoking handbags and will at least once a year pop into a church to get a fix of that. So, that'll do for me and my mourners.

Following that, my remains will be removed separately for toasting and roasting while my family and any mourners will proceed to a reception with drinks and food in abundance and where they will be encouraged to laugh and be gay.

At a later date, my ashes will be divided with one half scattered close to my parents' grave in Ireland and the other to be cast to the wind on Hampstead Heath.

[Serial_Apologist]

My epitaph - suitable for a serial apologist: "He came, he saw, he concurred".

[Anna]

My mum had made a very specific will: cremation in either a cardboard or wicker coffin, no flowers, no black to be worn and strictly no Minister of Religion to be present. My sister was in charge of organising things but received, via the undertakers, a call from The Humanists offering to attend and read some poetry. My sister politely declined and asked what was the point of someone who had never known her attending. So, we did it ourselves, just family, those who wanted to say a few words did and those who didn't didn't. She did however specify the music. So her final exit in this world was to the strains of Bryn Terfel!

We have locally a natural burial site which is rather lovely with very good views.

8obs, I hope with your family history you are taking precautions as to BP, cholesterol, statins, etc. medication

[eighthobstruction]

I am taking no precautions at all....I am a skinny wirey fellow....I say "come and get me" [Oh great entity that does not exist]....I'll be eating toast butter and marmalade, with a full pack of 50gms Golden Virginia, papers, and zippo (in case they do not have any in eternity)....

Thanks for concern tho' Anna....

[eighthobstruction]

My epitaph - suitable for a serial apologist: "He came, he saw, he concurred".

Shouldn't be ""I came, I saw, I concurred, Sorry"

[Serial_Apologist]

I'll be eating toast butter and marmalade, with a full pack of 50gms Golden Virginia, papers, and zippo (in case they do not have any in eternity)....

I'll be eating pie in the sky

[Serial_Apologist]

Shouldn't be ""I came, I saw, I concurred, Sorry"

Yes, yes, it should be!

[Anna]

I am taking no precautions at all....I am a skinny wirey fellow....I say "come and get me"

Oh well, it's your funeral!