Current favourite jokes

[teamsaint]

Perhaps he was on a high dose of Tramadol.

I checked the timetables , looks as though he was on his way to Chiseldon.

[Serial_Apologist]

I once joined a flint tool making club, but I was caught knapping.

Then a yab-a-dab'd do you!

BTW, can anyone remember whose music Elisabeth Lutyens decribed as, "a chip off the old Bloch"?

[LMcD]

I checked the timetables , looks as though he was on his way to Chiseldon.

Chiseldon via Hammersmith, no doubt.

[Serial_Apologist]

Some wag has just posted the following on the Left of Centre website:

"Theresa May expected to announce late entrance to this year's 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"

[MrGongGong]

From Mr Kenneth Clarke on Twitter

I've been sat up in bed for hours, whisky on the bedside table, soft jazz playing in the background, trying to think if I've ever worked with a more idiotic bunch of self centred bastards in my nearly 50 years as a MP.

Nope, still can't think of any. Time for another bottle.

[Serial_Apologist]

From Mr Kenneth Clarke on Twitter

Seriously, is that right? I saw KC being interviewed outside the HofP last night. Obviously he'd be the last person to admit to having played an enthusiastic role in what has led up to this mess!

[Dave2002]

Seriously, is that right? I saw KC being interviewed outside the HofP last night. Obviously he'd be the last person to admit to having played an enthusiastic role in what has led up to this mess!

I liked the quote from John Major a few weeks ago, in which he said that he absolutely knew his own parentage - his own mother and father. Took a second or two to sink in, though perhaps not directly flattering to his own parents.

[Vox Humana]

Seriously, is that right?

It's a self-confessed parody profile.

[Bryn]

Seriously, is that right? I saw KC being interviewed outside the HofP last night. Obviously he'd be the last person to admit to having played an enthusiastic role in what has led up to this mess!

https://twitter.com/MrKennethClarke

https://twitter.com/KenClarkeMP

[Dave2002]

It's a self-confessed parody profile.

A self parody - or a fake one? Maybe we'll never know. Now, there's this guy Donald ....

Some of the other bits of the KC twit feed which Bryn linked to are quite amusing. About what you'd expect from twits though.

[Stanfordian]

Top Doggie comedy from the 1970s:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajsCY8SjJ1Y

[johncorrigan]

I got a tour round the zoo the other day. In one enclosure there was a baguette in a cage - the sign next to it said 'Bread in Captivity'.

[gurnemanz]

Old one probably rehashed:

A man is walking down the street with a penguin on a lead. A passer-by says to him.
"You should take it to the zoo!"
Man replies:
"No. We went there yesterday. We're going to the cinema today."

[Serial_Apologist]

Two psychiatrists meet in the street. The first one says, "You're OK; how am I?"

[Vox Humana]

I'd forgotten about this one until I stumbled across it again just now.

Samuel Sebastian Wesley, replying to a letter from a clergyman attempting to raise funds for an organ:

"Dear Sir,– I sympathise extremely with the object you have in view and I have very great pleasure in subscribing [end of page; continues overleaf] myself, Yours truly, S. S. W."