Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

They’re just jealous of us!

Or they could be stonewalling.

[Beef Oven!]

25% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them at night.

I tried it, but it didn't go well.

When the shops are open tomorrow, I'll get another goldfish.

[LMcD]

25% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them at night.

I tried it, but it didn't go well.

When the shops are open tomorrow, I'll get another goldfish.

How nice to read a joke that doesn't rely on the 'f' word (not that I understood it)

[Beef Oven!]

How nice to read a joke that doesn't rely on the 'f' word (not that I understood it)

Oh dear, I got me a stalker!

[BBMmk2]

A cow being milked, my teat is being pulled, how dairy!

[cloughie]

Oh dear, I got me a stalker!

Don’t flatter yourself!

[LMcD]

A cow being milked, my teat is being pulled, how dairy!

Is this going to encourage cow jokes herd by udder Forumistas?

[cloughie]

Is this going to encourage cow jokes herd by udder Forumistas?

You mean instead of bullsh.. !

[edashtav]

To maintain the pastoral scene but to move to a slightly more intellectual plain:

Rural Joke:

A little boy was once overheard saying to his pet rabbit, How much seven times seven ? There being no response from the rabbit, the boy said, “How much four times four?” Still there was response. “Now I will give you easy one. How much is two times two!’

Still the rabbit refused to respond. “Well,” said the boy, “I knew father was fibbing when he said rabbits are the greatest multipliers in the world.”

[cloughie]

I’ve heard they’re also dropping currant affairs too.

[Richard Tarleton]

Is this going to encourage cow jokes herd by udder Forumistas?

These jokes whizz past your eyes.....

[Serial_Apologist]

I’ve heard they’re also dropping currant affairs too.

That's only because they're raisin rail fares!

[cloughie]

That's only because they're raisin rail fares!

Looks like they’ll need to prune their spending elsewhere.

[johncorrigan]

I had a dead bee in my sink so I phoned my Mum and asked her, 'What do I do?'
She said, 'Get a spoon and flush it down the toilet.'
I said, 'I've done that; now what do I do with the bee?'

Courtesy of Mark Watson at the Fringe.

[gurnemanz]

I’ve heard they’re also dropping currant affairs too.

Reminds me of the man who drowned in a cake mix.

Pulled under by a strong current.