Current favourite jokes

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  • Vox Humana
    Full Member
    • Dec 2012
    • 1248

    Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed, MOT tested and insured. It wasn't stolen and no stolen goods or drugs were found. The driver was sober and he had a full licence with no points. A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."

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    • johncorrigan
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 10348

      This old favourite made a reappearance yesterday, so...
      I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

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      • ferneyhoughgeliebte
        Gone fishin'
        • Sep 2011
        • 30163



        On a recent broadcast of The Infinite Monkey Cage, it was revealed that Brian Cox recently celebrated his 50th birthday, and the audience was invited to share their thoughts about how he kept his "youthful" looks.

        The best suggestion was "Higgs Botox".
        [FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]

        Comment

        • oddoneout
          Full Member
          • Nov 2015
          • 9145

          Originally posted by Vox Humana View Post
          Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car taxed, MOT tested and insured. It wasn't stolen and no stolen goods or drugs were found. The driver was sober and he had a full licence with no points. A police spokesman said, "We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."
          A real life twist on this joke happened in my neck of the woods some years ago. The police came up with a scheme to compliment good driving which involved pulling drivers over to deliver the news in person.It was not as well received as had been hoped......

          Comment

          • Serial_Apologist
            Full Member
            • Dec 2010
            • 37593

            Originally posted by ferneyhoughgeliebte View Post


            On a recent broadcast of The Infinite Monkey Cage, it was revealed that Brian Cox recently celebrated his 50th birthday, and the audience was invited to share their thoughts about how he kept his "youthful" looks.

            The best suggestion was "Higgs Botox".


            It has the ring of truth to it...

            Comment

            • ferneyhoughgeliebte
              Gone fishin'
              • Sep 2011
              • 30163

              Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post

              It has the ring of truth to it...
              ... for the discerning reader.
              [FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]

              Comment

              • Serial_Apologist
                Full Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 37593

                Originally posted by ferneyhoughgeliebte View Post
                ... for the discerning reader.
                Not Reginald Bosonquet, then.

                Comment

                • Beef Oven!
                  Ex-member
                  • Sep 2013
                  • 18147

                  I was nearly late for work this morning. As I was leaving, the 'phone rang. It was a man from the Ramblers' Association, he went on and on and on ..........

                  Comment

                  • LMcD
                    Full Member
                    • Sep 2017
                    • 8408

                    Originally posted by Beef Oven! View Post
                    I was nearly late for work this morning. As I was leaving, the 'phone rang. It was a man from the Ramblers' Association, he went on and on and on ..........
                    ...until you lost track of what he was saying?

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                    • ferneyhoughgeliebte
                      Gone fishin'
                      • Sep 2011
                      • 30163

                      Originally posted by Beef Oven! View Post
                      I was nearly late for work this morning. As I was leaving, the 'phone rang. It was a man from the Ramblers' Association, he went on and on and on ..........
                      [FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]

                      Comment

                      • Bryn
                        Banned
                        • Mar 2007
                        • 24688

                        Not quite current. It was recorded this April, but https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episod...uggid=b0bdcnwq really is one big joke. You know, a bit like an analog of Frank Zappa's One Big Note.

                        Comment

                        • Serial_Apologist
                          Full Member
                          • Dec 2010
                          • 37593

                          I'm too old for adult humour.

                          Comment

                          • BBMmk2
                            Late Member
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 20908

                            Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                            I'm too old for adult humour.


                            I couldn’t find a singing partner, so I bought a duet yourself kit!
                            Don’t cry for me
                            I go where music was born

                            J S Bach 1685-1750

                            Comment

                            • Bryn
                              Banned
                              • Mar 2007
                              • 24688

                              Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                              I'm too old for adult humour.
                              Re. Steward Lee, it's more a case of grown-up humour than 'adult humour'.

                              Comment

                              • BBMmk2
                                Late Member
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 20908

                                I taught my dog to play the trumpet. It took ten minutes from Barking to Tooting!
                                Don’t cry for me
                                I go where music was born

                                J S Bach 1685-1750

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