Current favourite jokes

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Concluding the current season of the (completely wonderful) Museum of Curiosity on R4 this afternoon.

"There are two things vital for success:

1) Never tell everyone everything you know."

[Serial_Apologist]

Police raided Kermit the frogs lily pad last night,and found hundreds of naked pictures of Miss Piggy.....
They say it's the worst case of Frogs Porn they've ever seen.

I nearly croaked!!!

[EdgeleyRob]

A weasel walks into a bar.

The barman looks up and says, "Wow! In all my years working here I have never served a weasel before,what can I get you?"
"Pop", goes the weasel.

[EdgeleyRob]

Last one for today

I took the kids to the zoo yesterday.
There was just a small dog in a cage.
It was a shih-tzu

Night night

[Richard Barrett]

Early this morning a shipment of Viagra was stolen from a delivery truck. The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

[Serial_Apologist]

Early this morning a shipment of Viagra was stolen from a delivery truck. The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Shouldn't have any problems finding them; it'll stick out a mile!

[johncorrigan]

Shouldn't have any problems finding them; it'll stick out a mile!

Even so, I reckon the police will still make a balls of it.

[jean]

[Serial_Apologist]

[EdgeleyRob]

A sheepdog said to the shepherd,
"That's it, all 30 sheep safely in the pen."
"30?" said the shepherd, "I only own 27."
"Yeah, I know" said the sheepdog, "I rounded them up !!"

[EdgeleyRob]

[Beef Oven!]

Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A young worker was crushed beneath a huge case of chocolate that had fallen on him.

His calls for help were misunderstood by his colleagues who only cheered when he called out 'the Milky Bars are on me'.

[Serial_Apologist]

Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A young worker was crushed beneath a huge case of chocolate that had fallen on him.

His calls for help were misunderstood by his colleagues who only cheered when he called out 'the Milky Bars are on me'.

Not cad buries, then, but nestles!

[Dave2002]

From Scandinavia ... or Poland, Russia etc.

Q – Why do the British put their waste water pipes on the outside of their buildings?
A – So they can get to them easily if they freeze.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

From Scandinavia ... or Poland, Russia etc.

Q – Why do the British put their waste water pipes on the outside of their buildings?
A – So they can get to them easily if they freeze.