Current favourite jokes

[EdgeleyRob]

In my spare time I like to dress up as a knight,and jump over 20 parked cars on a horse.
I call myself Medieval Knievel.

[EdgeleyRob]

Or

Achaeologists excavating a pyramid in Egypt recently discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.
They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

[johncorrigan]

My friend is a cartoonist with a national newspaper. I asked her how much she earns, but she wouldn't be drawn on it.

[Serial_Apologist]

I bought myself a pair of straight jeans yesterday. They didn't have any gay jeans on display.

[EdgeleyRob]

I bought myself a pair of straight jeans yesterday. They didn't have any gay jeans on display.

Elton John is worried what effect retiring from touring will have on his waistline.
For a start,it’ll be goodbye normal jeans

[EdgeleyRob]

[Beef Oven!]

[EdgeleyRob]

Last one for today

In Anguilla, a steak pie is $2.39

In Antigua and Barbuda, a steak pie is $2.69

In Aruba, a steak pie is $2.39

In the Bahamas a steak pie is $2.99

In British Virgin Islands,a steak pie is $2.39

In Caribbean Netherlands, a steak pie is $2.59

In Cayman a steak pie is $2.39

In Cuba, a steak pie is $2.39

In Curaçao, a steak pie is $2.09

In Dominica, a steak pie is $2.99

In the Dominican Republic a steak pie is $2.39

In Grenada, a steak pie is $2.89

In Guadeloupe, a steak pie is $2.49

In Haiti, a steak pie is $2.39

In Jamaica, a steak pie is $2.49

In Martinique, a steak pie is $2.39

In Puerto Rico, a steak pie is $2.69

In Saint Barthélemy a steak pie is $2.39

In Saint Kitts and Nevis, a steak pie is $2.79

In Saint Lucia, a steak pie is $2.39

In Saint Martin, a steak pie is $2.39

In Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, a steak pie is $2.39

In Saint Maarten, a steak pie is $2.39

In Trinidad and Tobago, a steak pie is $2.19

In Turks and Caicos Islands a steak pie is $2.39

In United States Virgin Islands a steak pie is $2.29

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

[Serial_Apologist]

But none for Penzance!!!

[EdgeleyRob]

Well here we are and it's Sunday now.
Started my new vegetable patch last Monday and I'm absolutely chuffed to bits........
I haven't wanted any vegetables all week.

[johncorrigan]

What's the difference between dogs and fleas?

Dogs can have fleas, but fleas can't have dogs.

Read it in an old Beano in work today.

[EdgeleyRob]

[EdgeleyRob]

During my check up I asked the doctor "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then ?"
He replied "I doubt it,Mercury is in Uranus right now"
I said "I don't go in for that astrology nonsense"
He replied "Neither do I,my thermometer just broke"

[gurnemanz]

Not so much a joke as a killer rhyme: I enjoyed R 4's Museum of Curiosity the other night. Dillie Keane of Fascinating Aida was on and someone referred to their Post-Brexit Britain song "Apology to Scotland" where "self-destruct" is rhymed with "f*cked

[johncorrigan]

During my check up I asked the doctor "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then ?"
He replied "I doubt it,Mercury is in Uranus right now"
I said "I don't go in for that astrology nonsense"
He replied "Neither do I,my thermometer just broke"

Reminds me, Rob.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!