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Cartoon in today's Private Eye: A man with an arrow in his eye is sitting in A & E. His neighbour asks: "Been waiting long?"
That's even better than the cartoon showing a cobweb-enveloped skeleton sitting at a computer desk - one of whose friends is telling another, "He'd been longing to get that download of 'War and Peace'".
A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
The health secretary was being shown round a hospital. In one room he saw three poor souls gibbering apparent nonsense. “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley,” one said. “O, wad some power the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us,” said a second. “Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie,” added the third. The health secretary asked what affliction they had, to which the consultant replied: “Oh, this is our Burns Unit.”
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