Current favourite jokes

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  • johncorrigan
    Full Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 10348

    Originally posted by gradus View Post
    This thread is on fire, great run!
    Agreed, gradus...some knee slappers in there in the last 24 hours.

    Comment

    • BBMmk2
      Late Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 20908

      I told you to bring two ribeyes not two rabbi’s!
      Don’t cry for me
      I go where music was born

      J S Bach 1685-1750

      Comment

      • EdgeleyRob
        Guest
        • Nov 2010
        • 12180

        There's more

        I bought a vintage Rolls Royce limo at an auction but my budget didn't cover a driver.
        So I've spent all that money and got nothing to chauffeur it.

        Comment

        • johncorrigan
          Full Member
          • Nov 2010
          • 10348

          Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
          There's more

          I bought a vintage Rolls Royce limo at an auction but my budget didn't cover a driver.
          So I've spent all that money and got nothing to chauffeur it.
          Thanks, Rob...needing cheered this morning!

          Comment

          • gradus
            Full Member
            • Nov 2010
            • 5604

            Bravo! Rob.

            Comment

            • ferneyhoughgeliebte
              Gone fishin'
              • Sep 2011
              • 30163

              Originally posted by gradus View Post
              Bravo! Rob.
              [FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]

              Comment

              • gurnemanz
                Full Member
                • Nov 2010
                • 7380

                Cartoon in today's Private Eye: A man with an arrow in his eye is sitting in A & E. His neighbour asks: "Been waiting long?"

                Comment

                • Serial_Apologist
                  Full Member
                  • Dec 2010
                  • 37593

                  Originally posted by gurnemanz View Post
                  Cartoon in today's Private Eye: A man with an arrow in his eye is sitting in A & E. His neighbour asks: "Been waiting long?"


                  That's even better than the cartoon showing a cobweb-enveloped skeleton sitting at a computer desk - one of whose friends is telling another, "He'd been longing to get that download of 'War and Peace'".

                  Comment

                  • EdgeleyRob
                    Guest
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 12180

                    A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
                    I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm

                    Comment

                    • Beef Oven!
                      Ex-member
                      • Sep 2013
                      • 18147

                      Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
                      A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
                      I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm

                      Comment

                      • Nick Armstrong
                        Host
                        • Nov 2010
                        • 26523

                        Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
                        A couple of friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
                        I wasn't keen but they twisted my arm
                        "...the isle is full of noises,
                        Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
                        Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
                        Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

                        Comment

                        • vinteuil
                          Full Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 12792

                          The health secretary was being shown round a hospital. In one room he saw three poor souls gibbering apparent nonsense. “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley,” one said. “O, wad some power the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us,” said a second. “Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie,” added the third. The health secretary asked what affliction they had, to which the consultant replied: “Oh, this is our Burns Unit.”


                          .

                          Comment

                          • Richard Tarleton

                            - Ae fond kiss for that, v.

                            Comment

                            • Serial_Apologist
                              Full Member
                              • Dec 2010
                              • 37593

                              Originally posted by Richard Tarleton View Post
                              - Ae fond kiss for that, v.
                              Obviousy not the drowning unit, or they'd be all quoting Stevie Smith and waving him goodbye.

                              Comment

                              • greenilex
                                Full Member
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 1626

                                Her, surely?

                                Comment

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