Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Back on a Yuletide theme:

There's been a big downturn in the sale of advent calendars this year.

I always said their days were numbered.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs!

[Dave2002]

C'mon - it's crap.!

Way below RB's usual standards on this thread. What you mean is, you love things that poke fun at those of us who voted leave.

Not sure about that. It may just be poking fun at the general seeming incompetence of those trying to make the near impossible work.

Private Eye has a nice cover this week ....

[subcontrabass]

C'mon - it's crap.!

Way below RB's usual standards on this thread. What you mean is, you love things that poke fun at those of us who voted leave.

It is a very slightly modified version of an old joke: http://www.design.caltech.edu/erik/Misc/balloon.html

[Beef Oven!]

It is a very slightly modified version of an old joke: http://www.design.caltech.edu/erik/Misc/balloon.html

You've answered ahinton's question from post #2262

[mercia]

Which author steals train sets from under the Christmas tree?

[Richard Tarleton]

Nick Hornby

[mercia]

Nick Hornby

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.


Why didn't the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring. (Classic FM joke)

[Globaltruth]

Just in case you do actually need some cracker jokes...

[QUOTE]

[mercia]

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows

I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive
I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways

[Warwick]

A bit of jealousy from. Mrs. Claus!

[kernelbogey]

Ken Cheng won the 10th annual Dave's Funniest Joke Of The Ediburgh Fringe with:

"I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."

(Apologies if this has already appeared here.)

[Flay]

A warning to all of us. Be careful about drink driving at Christmas as the Police are out there checking on people.

Saturday night I was out in Leeds for a few drinks and a meal. One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine, finishing with coffee and brandy. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint in the town centre, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. They just waved the bus past.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I'm not even sure where I got it from.

[Bryn]

A warning to all of us. Be careful about drink driving at Christmas as the Police are out there checking on people.

Saturday night I was out in Leeds for a few drinks and a meal. One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine, finishing with coffee and brandy. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint in the town centre, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. They just waved the bus past.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I'm not even sure where I got it from.

Fine, but do you remember where you left your coat?

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

A warning to all of us. Be careful about drink driving at Christmas as the Police are out there checking on people.

Saturday night I was out in Leeds for a few drinks and a meal. One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the wine, finishing with coffee and brandy. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint in the town centre, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. They just waved the bus past.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I'm not even sure where I got it from.

[Beef Oven!]

Fine, but do you remember where you left your coat?

In the restaurant. And all I've got to show for it is a scruffy duffle coat.