Current favourite jokes

[Bryn]

Currently on BBC Parliament channel screen "FOR THE MAN NOT THE FEW".

Hmm.Camera angle now adjusted.

[[Now back again]]

[Serial_Apologist]

Currently on BBC Parliament channel screen "FOR THE MAN NOT THE FEW".

From my worn LP of "Beyond the Fringe":

"Put out that light!"
All over Britain there was the same spirit of courage. Young men flocked to join The Few.
Breathlessly: "Please sir, I want to join The Few"
"I'm sorry, there are far too many".

[Ferretfancy]

From my worn LP of "Beyond the Fringe":

"Put out that light!"
All over Britain there was the same spirit of courage. Young men flocked to join The Few.
Breathlessly: "Please sir, I want to join The Few"
"I'm sorry, there are far too many".

"Pop over to Bremen, Perkins, don't come back, we need a useless gesture at this stage"
"Goodbye Sir, or is it au revoir? -- No, Perkins."

Quoted from an increasingly faulty memory.

[Serial_Apologist]

"Pop over to Bremen, Perkins, don't come back, we need a useless gesture at this stage"
"Goodbye Sir, or is it au revoir? -- No, Perkins."

Quoted from an increasingly faulty memory.

That's pretty accurate!

[Serial_Apologist]

I understand Mozart's Hefner is being considered for the funeral...

[Pianorak]

I understand Mozart's Hefner is being considered for the funeral...

brilliant!

[Serial_Apologist]

[Serial_Apologist]

The reign in Spain is plainly on the wane.

[johncorrigan]

Courtesy of Jeremy Vine's brother on R4, here is a written version of what I thought a no bad joke.
Guy walks into an airport terminal, goes up to a desk and calls out, 'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' Airport attendant says, 'No sir, this is the Check-in desk!'

(works better out loud, perhaps)

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

[Flay]

Weather wise it's been a nondescript day today. But (dare I say) I've had an excellent late afternoon and evening in the company of Ian McMillan. I had invited him and his mate Luke Carver Goss to do a stint in our village hall. It all went very well. Hilarious in fact.

He puts on a good show.

Then it rained...

[EdgeleyRob]

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like ?’.
I said ‘Oh,I’ll just have one please.’
She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’
‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one you stupid cow'.

[Flay]

Gosh, I thought I was on the Stormy Weather page. #confused

[BBMmk2]

I have had two requests played on R3 this week" One on Breakfast and the other on Essential Classics. Not bad going! Crown Imperial on Breakfast. This was great as BBMish struck again with autocorrect! I put Crown in Perivale! Petroc managed to read it ass Crown Imperial; though!

[Serial_Apologist]

I was talking to this bouncer. Well, he was standing outside this night club and had a kind face, so I assumed he must be a bouncer. I said, "What's the name of that foreign bush with spade-shaped leaves with red stems everyone has great difficulty in getting rid of?" "Well", he said, "I can't remember the name, but it's Japanese, not weed". "I was wondering, 'cos couldn't help notice that you've used astroturf to face the outside of your premises, where the window that got smashed used to be, right up to the height of the top of the entrance door". "That's not astroturf" he said, tugging unsuccessfully at a blade of it then reaching inside his pocket for the tweezers his wife gave him at Christmas for plucking his eyebrows, "that's genuine turf! We used to get a bloke down every two month to cut it with one of them 'edge trimmers for nothing who was on a zero hours contract with us; then the management closed down the gents toilets, so we got this firm of contractors to find a suitable turf that grows on urine, and since then we've had no trouble at closing time, though we recommend our male clientele to be on the watch out for the old bill". I thought the Japanese joke was rather good, but it seems when it comes to some folks, there's no grassing them up.