Current favourite jokes

[ahinton]

You should be (b)ooked for that one!

Never judge a bookshop by its cover (if you'll pardon so spineless a piece of advice). Now I think it's high time for whoever started this one to dust jacket in, don't you?

[Dave2002]

Perhaps we should all be on the same page, and try to take a leaf out of your book, move on and let this little chapter go.

[Hornspieler]

I was watching a re-run of one of the episodes of "The Bill"- that very popular soap opera about the characters in Sun Hill Police Station - and it reminded me of one of the funniest jokes that I ever heard.

Here it is:

A drunk was causing mayhem and behaving violently outside a pub.

A policewoman was sent to deal with the matter:

Just talking was no good. He was trouble.

WPC;
"I've tried calming you down and it's no good. I'm now arresting you for violent behaviour and causing an affray.
You do not have to say anything, but anything that you do say will be taken down and may be used in evidence.

Drunken Rioter: "Knickers !"

[Serial_Apologist]

HS!

This came up on a weather website:

If the hurricane that caused such devastation in Houston had reached Mexico, would it have been declared a Harvey Wallbanger?

[Beef Oven!]

My mate was so happy his wife Lorraine had left him because he could see his beautiful lover, Deirdre.

He was walking down the street singing at the top of his voice .. "I can see Dierdre now Lorraine has gone ... gone are the obstacles in my way ......."

[Serial_Apologist]

A husband and wife team watching a couple "in close embrace" on BBC1's Doctor Foster, on the delightful Gogglebox programme.

He to her: "That's called frottage".
She to him: "What, dear?"
He to her, "Frottage. From frot".

[vinteuil]

HS!

This came up on a weather website:

If the hurricane that caused such devastation in Houston had reached Mexico, would it have been declared a Harvey Wallbanger?

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Whoever did the voice-recognition software for the Sky News subtitles must be a Tottenham Hotspur fan. That can be the only explanation for the news report the other day that was translated as “Sky will be following the path of the destructive Harry Kane across Florida”.



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[Nick Armstrong]

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Whoever did the voice-recognition software for the Sky News subtitles must be a Tottenham Hotspur fan. That can be the only explanation for the news report the other day that was translated as “Sky will be following the path of the destructive Harry Kane across Florida”.



.

Delightful to see His Lordship taking Judicial Notice of The Beautiful Game

[Petrushka]

I was watching a re-run of one of the episodes of "The Bill"- that very popular soap opera about the characters in Sun Hill Police Station - and it reminded me of one of the funniest jokes that I ever heard.

Here it is:

A similar one:

A policeman stops a car and asks the driver: "Can I have your name please, sir?"
Driver: "Nuttall"
PC: "What make of car is this, sir?"
Driver: "Vauxhall"
PC: "Can you tell me where you are going to please?"
Driver: "Whitehall"
PC: "And what do you have in the boot, please sir?"
Driver: "Absolutely nothing!"

[Serial_Apologist]

A similar one:

A policeman stops a car and asks the driver: "Can I have your name please, sir?"
Driver: "Nuttall"
PC: "What make of car is this, sir?"
Driver: "Vauxhall"
PC: "Can you tell me where you are going to please?"
Driver: "Whitehall"
PC: "And what do you have in the boot, please sir?"
Driver: "Absolutely nothing!"

I thought you were going to say "Adelaide Hall"!!!

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

conjunctivitis.com

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

It's a site for sore eyes.

[ahinton]

It's a site for sore eyes.

One weeps to hear that it is so...

[johncorrigan]

One weeps to hear that it is so...

Put a lid on it...

[LeMartinPecheur]

Put a lid on it...

A hundred lashes, augenblicklich!