Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

http://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2017/06/...aves-two-fish/

[gurnemanz]

A bear goes into a bar.

Bear: Good evening. I'd like a ...............................

Landlord: Why the big pause?

[Richard Barrett]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "Sorry, no, we don't." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "look, I told you yesterday, no. This is a bar not a hardware shop." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns once more and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "this is getting a bit annoying now. No we have no rope, not today, not ever. Can you just order a drink or go away?" The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns yet again and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "I've had enough now. Get the hell out of here and if you come back again with this idiot question I'm going to nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck walks in and asks "have you got any nails?"
The barman says "no."




The duck asks "have you got any rope?"

[johncorrigan]

A guy walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm. 'Barman...a pint of lager and one for the road!'

[EdgeleyRob]

[Nick Armstrong]

Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....

[Bryn]

Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....

Having seen it on the papers review last night, I was hoping someone would risk News Int's wrath and find a way to post that here.

[Serial_Apologist]

A duck walks into a bar and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "Sorry, no, we don't." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "look, I told you yesterday, no. This is a bar not a hardware shop." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns once more and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "this is getting a bit annoying now. No we have no rope, not today, not ever. Can you just order a drink or go away?" The duck leaves.

Next day the duck returns yet again and asks "have you got any rope?"
The barman says "I've had enough now. Get the hell out of here and if you come back again with this idiot question I'm going to nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

Next day the duck walks in and asks "have you got any nails?"
The barman says "no."




The duck asks "have you got any rope?"

I see that a recommendation has been made to replace current car horn sounds with duck calls.

Would they be known as QUACKSONS?

[P. G. Tipps]

Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....

I see the headline has unsurprisingly changed slightly in a later edition, which I picked up this morning!

[johncorrigan]

I see that a recommendation has been made to replace current car horn sounds with duck calls.

Would they be known as QUACKSONS?

I suppose the question is, 'Who's going to foot the bill?'

[MrGongGong]

I guess we have had the question of how Bob Marley likes his doughnuts ?

[johncorrigan]

I guess we have had the question of how Bob Marley likes his doughnuts ?

Is it with custard, MrGG?

[MrGongGong]

Is it with custard, MrGG?

no

[MrGongGong]

[Bryn]

I suppose you think that's funny! It is clear infringement of Handmade copyright.