Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a cake mix?

... he was pulled under by a strong currant.

What's yellow, sweet and swings through the trees?

Tarzipan!

[Beef Oven!]

Absolutely devastated.

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

[Nick Armstrong]

Absolutely devastated.

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

[EdgeleyRob]

Absolutely devastated.

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

[EdgeleyRob]

Couple of Grand National tips for you

Ronseal - great over fences

V Neck - a good jumper

[Serial_Apologist]

It rather reminded me of the one about the street urchin, who goes into this posh cake shop and asks for "A slice of one of your gattoxes, please". "It's pronouned gateau, actually, sir", the man behind the counter tells him. "Oh all right then, I'll have a slice of one of your gateaus, then. How much is it?" "Six pounds" the sales person says. "Six pounds?? For a piece of gattox???" says the urchin; "Well, that's a load of bolleau!"

[johncorrigan]

I read this in The Guardian Guide last weekend when I was on my hols - Rich Hall's 'Funniest joke I ever heard'


A lion is chasing a rabbit. The lion tries to follow the rabbit down a hole but gets stuck. He’s sitting with his ass up in the air and an elephant wanders by, has a quick look round to check the coast is clear, and thinks: “Why not?” and has his way with the lion.
The lion finally pulls his head from the rabbit hole and chases after the elephant.
The elephant runs into an expedition tent, sees a pith helmet and a newspaper. He puts on the pith helmet and holds the paper in front of his face.
The lion runs in and says: “Hey, have you seen an elephant around here?”
The elephant says: “You mean the one who f****d you in the ass?”
The lion says: “What, it’s already made the papers?”

[johncorrigan]

I laughed lots at the programme on ITV tonight called 'Billy Connolly and Me'...plenty great jokes but best of all those wonderful examples of physical comedy that he's was a master at. I assume it's gone now that he's been hit by that ailment he got from hanging about with Parky too much. (The Big Yin's joke...not mine...needless to say!)

http://www.itv.com/hub/billy-connolly-me-a-celebration/2a4857a0001

Warning...contains adult humour and strong language...NAW! Who'd've believed it?

[Beef Oven!]

Q. What do you call Humous that has gone past its use-by date?

A. Posthumous

[Serial_Apologist]

Q. What do you call Humous that has gone past its use-by date?

A. Posthumous

[johncorrigan]

Q. What do you call Humous that has gone past its use-by date?

A. Posthumous

Mosthumourous!

[greenilex]

Gaudeamus igitur contains the immortal line

Nos habebit humus

which translates roughly as "the hummus will get us all in the end"!

[Serial_Apologist]

Gaudeamus igitur contains the immortal line

Nos habebit humus

which translates roughly as "the hummus will get us all in the end"!

I always thought the answer lay in the soil!

[jean]

[Serial_Apologist]

Shocking!