Current favourite jokes

[Dave2002]

What do you call someone who's allergic to rice?
Basmatic.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=basmatic = euphoric?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basmati

This one went over my head!

[johncorrigan]

This one went over my head!

Sounds like asthmatic in my head, Dave.

[Dave2002]

Sounds like asthmatic in my head, Dave.

I was tempted to write something about a former US Secretary of State, but thought better of it - as being a bit non PC. Rentals and apartment blocks sprung to mind, but have now been suppressed!

[Richard Tarleton]

© The New Yorker

[Daniel]

Had curried pelican at my local Indian last night .... it was lovely but the bill was absolutely enormous.

[EdgeleyRob]

[johncorrigan]

Just quit my job in the helium factory...I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!

[Beef Oven!]

Just quit my job in the helium factory...I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!

[alycidon]

First woman; ...........and what does your husband do for a living?

Second woman; he's got his own business. And he minds it!

[johncorrigan]

I went to the snack van outside of work this morning.
I asked the guy, 'How much are the cakes?'
'One pound,' said the snack van attendant.
I pointed at one and said, 'I'll have that one, please.'
'That'll be two pounds please.'
'Hold on,' I said, 'I thought you said the cakes were a pound!'
'Aye!' said he, 'But that's Madeira cake.'

[Serial_Apologist]

I went to the snack van outside of work this morning.
I asked the guy, 'How much are the cakes?'
'One pound,' said the snack van attendant.
I pointed at one and said, 'I'll have that one, please.'
'That'll be two pounds please.'
'Hold on,' I said, 'I thought you said the cakes were a pound!'
'Aye!' said he, 'But that's Madeira cake.'

That would be currant prices, then!

[Flay]

That would be currant prices, then!

They're always raisin the prices!

[Serial_Apologist]

[johncorrigan]

That would be currant prices, then!

Hope you're not insultana good joke, S_A!

[gurnemanz]

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a cake mix?

... he was pulled under by a strong currant.