Current favourite jokes

[EdgeleyRob]

So if someone tries to shoot president Trump,will his bodyguards shout "Donald duck"

[ahinton]

So if someone tries to shoot president Trump,will his bodyguards shout "Donald duck"

That's an old one - or at least a widely recirculated one - but one might nevertheless hope that they'd instead keep their traps shut...

[ahinton]

A slightly simpler light bulb story.

Q. How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one. But the light bulb has to want to be changed.

Told me once by Sarah Leonard, whom one might reasonably assume to know about such things:
Q. How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five; one to get on the chair to change the bulb and four to kick the chair away...

[Daniel]

(from the French contingent of the family ..)


- Vous etes condamne a la chaise electrique. Une derniere volonte avant l'execution?

- Oui. J'aimerai qu'on se tienne tous la main!


(- You are condemned to die by electric chair, do you have any last wishes before your execution?

- Yes. I'd like us all to hold hands.)

[johncorrigan]

A cowboy rides into town and hitches his horse to a post. He then walks to the rear end of his horse, lifts its tail and kisses its backside. A old timer's watching and asks the cowboy what's going on. 'It helps my chapped lips,' says the cowboy. 'Ye mean kissin' a horse's ass cures 'em?' asks the old-timer. 'It doesn't cure them,' replies the cowboy. 'But it sure stops me from licking them.'

[Padraig]

(from the French contingent of the family ..)


- Vous etes condamne a la chaise electrique. Une derniere volonte avant l'execution?

- Oui. J'aimerai qu'on se tienne tous la main!


(- You are condemned to die by electric chair, do you have any last wishes before your execution?

- Yes. I'd like us all to hold hands.)

I like 'tous la main'.

[johncorrigan]

I like 'tous la main'.

Reminds me of:
Frappe! Frappe!
Qui est là?
Loste.
Loste qui?
Oui.

[jean]

On with the plural tous does seem a bit odd, but it's not Franglais, is it?

[Nick Armstrong]

On with the plural tous does seem a bit odd

I think it's very current in spoken French for on to have a plural function equivalent to 'we' - so 'we're all off to the cinema' would be on va tous au cinéma &c. &c.

[Barbirollians]

Iain Duncan Smith

[LeMartinPecheur]

Iain Duncan Smith

Do be reasonable Barbirollians! It's surely too much to expect MPs to understand constitutional law or the proper function of parliament

[ardcarp]

On with the plural tous does seem a bit odd, but it's not Franglais, is it?

Talking of Franglais (or should I say franglais).....

Q. What is the motto of the French navy?
A. Well, just translate into French, "To the water! It is the hour!"

[Pianorak]

I’d make a political joke…

But it would just end up being elected President.

[umslopogaas]

#1872 that's a very old one. In case anyone didnt get it:

To the water it is the hour = a l'eau c'est l' heur = 'Allo Sailor

[Ferretfancy]

Speaking of the French, a researcher asked a group of women what was the first thing they said after lovemaking.

The French woman said "Cherie! cherie! magnifique! magnifique! Encore! Encore!"

The American woman said "Honey! That was swell! What did you say your name was ?"

The English woman said " Do you feel better now Charles ?"