Current favourite jokes

[ahinton]

Shocking!

Q. How many Serial Apologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why, twelve, of course!
Q. but how is that possible when there is only ONE Serial Apologist?(!)...

[Serial_Apologist]

Q. How many Serial Apologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why, twelve, of course!
Q. but how is that possible when there is only ONE Serial Apologist?(!)...

Note taken...

[oddoneout]

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three, One change the bulb & the other to hold the penis,I mean mother ,I mean ladder.

Alternatively, 'Only one - but the lightbulb's really got to want to change....'

[Richard Barrett]

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

It's a really obscure number, you won't have heard of it.

[teamsaint]

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

It's a really obscure number, you won't have heard of it.

Manchester United fans?


12.

11 to change the bulb, and 1 to drive the minibus back to Surrey.

[Richard Barrett]

And while I'm on the subject of hipsters, this

http://beardoilpledge.com/milkman-review/

is NOT a joke, but it's funny on so many levels.

[johncorrigan]

And while I'm on the subject of hipsters, this

http://beardoilpledge.com/milkman-review/

is NOT a joke, but it's funny on so many levels.

Sorry! Must dash!

[ahinton]

And while I'm on the subject of hipsters, this

http://beardoilpledge.com/milkman-review/

is NOT a joke, but it's funny on so many levels.

Indeed it is; where/how DO you find these things?!?

[ahinton]

Note taken...

So you can cope with an 11-note row, then?...

[EdgeleyRob]

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

[Richard Barrett]

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

I thought for a moment you were channelling another forum member there.

[umslopogaas]

These are references to Groucho Marx, are they not? Please somewhon, reawake the master.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

These are references to Groucho Marx, are they not? Please somewhon, reawake the master.

Just remember - there ain't no Sanity Clause.

[ahinton]

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."

The problem with this is that, as the final sentence (commencing "Note:") suggests that it could be done by one or more people - i.e. the Lawyer alone or any or all persons authorized by him (or her, surely?), the "how many?" remains the unanswered question.

Also, the reference to rotating of the bulb in a counter-clockwise direction makes no allowance for the possibility that it might be a halogen bulb, but I suppose this text to have been written before there were such things.

As to "let there be LICHT", well...

[Dave2002]

A slightly simpler light bulb story.

Q. How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?





A. Just one. But the light bulb has to want to be changed.