Originally posted by Flay
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Can you get them on the NHS?-
Someone maybe needs to organise an a-peel. Can you get them on the NHS? -
Hope it's not too late.
It's Christmas eve and 10 year-old boy says to his Dad: Dad,I've changed my mind. I don't want a bike for Christmas anymore.
Dad (in a panic): What do you mean son? What could possibly have made you change your mind?
10 year-old boy: I just found one behind the wardrobe!
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Reminds me of an oldie but goodie
Getting the presents out from various hiding places we found one that we forgot to give the kids last year.
They would have loved that dog.Comment
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Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
Remember, a dog isn’t just for Christmas - if you freeze it properly, it’ll do you well into the new year.Comment
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I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.
(Thank you, Tommy Cooper). Good night and good Yule, all!
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
.... and other jests.
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Rather puts me in mind of the 'baby brother' verse of:
Which verse also puts one in mind of a certain modest proposal.Last edited by Bryn; 27-12-16, 09:51.Comment
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HMG owns up at last!
For once, exemplary honesty from a government minister (copied exactly from AOL.uk's news)
SANG TAN/APRobert Goodwill described Robert Goodwill as a ‘barbaric crime’
[FWIW, the description was probably meant to apply to modern slavery...]I keep hitting the Escape key, but I'm still here!Comment
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I'm rather enjoying the Castrol oil Mahler 7 television advertisement parody (some caffeine shampoo or other).Comment
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No wonder there's a bare patch round the bottom of that tree.Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
They must all be English dawgies as they've been taught to queue in an orderly fashion.Comment
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When I was a small boy, we used an area of Kensington Gardens for practising football, using paired trees a distance apart as goal posts and for relieving our bladders, the public conveniences being too far away when needs arose. Not long afterwards white crosses were painted on said trees, which were then chopped down. My father was of the view, only part-jokingly, that it was the urine that had killed them.Originally posted by oddoneout View Post
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Told recently by Barry Cryer on I'm Sorry I haven't a clue.
A man who has a parrot asks his friend for advice on what to do about the parrot's swearing.
His friend says 'Put him in the fridge for ten minutes. That'll do the trick: just ten minutes, mind.'
The man goes home and immediately the parrot lets rip with a tide of filth as he walks in. 'If you don't stop swearing you're going in the fridge'.
No effect, the parrot continues to swear.
'Right', says the man, 'In you go' and puts the parrot in the fridge.
He watches the clock carefully, then opens the door of the fridge and lets the parrot jump out.
'Now will you stop swearing?' he says to the parrot.
The parrot looks back at the still open door of the fridge and says 'OK, But tell me - what did the chicken in there do?'Comment
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