Current favourite jokes

[burning dog]

This novel may contain an elaborate cheese pun

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2781915-vinnie-got-blown-away

Mobster Dave Dorset met Vincent Johnson on top of the car park. Johnson pulled out a knife but being "tooled up" Dorset blew Vinny away.

[burning dog]

From Richard Whately (1787 – 1863)

"Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred."

[Nick Armstrong]

From Richard Whately (1787 – 1863)

"Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred."

This novel may contain an elaborate cheese pun

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2781915-vinnie-got-blown-away

Mobster Dave Dorset met Vincent Johnson on top of the car park. Johnson pulled out a knife but being "tooled up" Dorset blew Vinny away.

[johncorrigan]

From Richard Whately (1787 – 1863)

"Why can a man never starve in the Great Desert? Because he can eat the sand which is there. But what brought the sandwiches there? Why, Noah sent Ham, and his descendants mustered and bred."

Much less literary but made me think 'Why can't you starve on the golf course?'
'Because there's always a sand wedge in the bag!'

[burning dog]

Much less literary but made me think 'Why can't you starve on the golf course?'
'Because there's always a sand wedge in the bag!'

I head the first part of the desert variation on the radio and thought it was new-ish

[Nick Armstrong]

Caught an afternoon repeat of 'Open All Hours' this week - a programme I always pooh-poohed as a teenager as too cosy and quaint. But there's some cracking comic writing nestling in there, delivered with Ronnie Barker's impeccable timing... e.g. reading the paper

" 'Discarded underclothing points to vicar's infidelity' - they found his vest in her pantry and her pants in his vestry"....

[EdgeleyRob]

I cannot stand people who think they're worse off than everybody else.
Take my mate Don,he's brilliant. He had a bad accident where he lost his voice and both legs.
Does he make a song and dance about it ? Does he hell.

[gurnemanz]

Doctor: Bad news, I'm afraid. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Patient: Well, at least it's not cancer.

[Nick Armstrong]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a Brie?

I had a goat's cheese sandwich for lunch today. Well, he should have put his name on it.

[kernelbogey]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[kea]

This is apparently an actual survey that happened.

Results may be illuminating. Of.... something.

[Richard Barrett]

This is apparently an actual survey that happened.

This is what struck me: "One percent of all those surveyed did not know how often they changed their underpants." I guess that's the famous "1%" that we hear about so often - no doubt they all have a special flunkey who does it for them.

[ahinton]

This is apparently an actual survey that happened.

Results may be illuminating. Of.... something.

It's about as funny as the goat's cheese sandwich in #1794 above after its been eaten (whether or not by the goat) - but then it is in a publication that proudly also presents http://www.politico.eu/article/nigel...us-ambassador/ .

[ahinton]

This is what struck me: "One percent of all those surveyed did not know how often they changed their underpants." I guess that's the famous "1%" that we hear about so often - no doubt they all have a special flunkey who does it for them.

Do they really have flunkies to do that? How revoltingly intrusive! and how relieved I am to be part of the 99%...

[Beef Oven!]

It's about as funny as the goat's cheese sandwich in #1794 above after its been eaten (whether or not by the goat) - but then it is in a publication that proudly also presents http://www.politico.eu/article/nigel...us-ambassador/ .

The brain-drain that remoaners were warning us about.