Current favourite jokes

[EdgeleyRob]

[ahinton]

Nice one, but mightn't the guy be legally entitled to a refund of the £0.05 on the grounds that the bag has a hole in it, dear Liza, dear Liza?...

[EdgeleyRob]

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce ?.........










Chicken sees a salad.

[Ferretfancy]

Q What did the toothpaste say to the toothbrush ?

A "If you squeeze my bottom I'll meet you outside the tube "

You can't beat the old ones!

[EdgeleyRob]

Jokes about white sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar,Demerara

[EdgeleyRob]

I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway,it was heading yeastbound.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Jokes about white sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar,Demerara

(Why a man takes a wife - that's a mystery.

Why a man takes two wives - that's a bigamistry.)

[Richard Barrett]

I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway,it was heading yeastbound.

That's a joke you either love or hate.

[johncorrigan]

That's a joke you either love or hate.

I'm going to spread it around.

I laughed at this one from the Edinburgh Festival top 50 jokes:
'The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike. She wasn’t promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal.'

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

From a similar source:

"Breaking news - a lorry carrying fish fingers has crashed and shed its load in the centre of Edinburgh. Over to our helicopter reporter for a birds eye view of that story."

[Nick Armstrong]

From a similar source:

"Breaking news - a lorry carrying fish fingers has crashed and shed its load in the centre of Edinburgh. Over to our helicopter reporter for a birds eye view of that story."

Very much the stuff of the Two Ronnies' 'news' sketches e.g. also "Traffic news now, and a lorry carrying purple paint has collided with a lorry carrying red paint. The drivers are said to be marooned" &c &c

[Dave2002]

The police are looking for a lorry which was involved in a robbery at a pharmaceutical warehouse. The lorry is thought to contain about £50,000 worth of Viagra. The public has been warned not to approach the vehicle as the thieves are hardened criminals.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Chaos on the M1 this morning as an elephant being transferred from Chester Zoo did a ton on the Southbound carriages. Traffic police have urged drivers not to panic, but to treat it as a roundabout.

[EdgeleyRob]

Patient "Sounds bad doctor,so tell me,how long have I got ?"
Doctor "10.."
Patient "months ?"
Doctor "9, 8, 7, 6, 5,"

[johncorrigan]

A lorry loaded with vicks vapour rub overturned on the M6. The Police have said there will be no congestion for at least 8 hours!