Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Me too...didn't see that coming!

[Dave2002]

+1

[johncorrigan]

Sad news that the makers of Pedigree Chum are in administration. Apparently they've called in the retrievers.

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

Q. Why doesn't Santa get lost on his annual Christmas globetrot?
A. His flying reindeer are all *female and don't mind stopping for directions.



*male reindeer shed their antlers in winter

[Ferretfancy]

Q. Why doesn't Santa get lost on his annual Christmas globetrot?
A. His flying reindeer are all *female and don't mind stopping for directions.



*male reindeer shed their antlers in winter

They all do, reindeer are the only species in which both sexes have antlers.

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

They all do, reindeer are the only species in which both sexes have antlers.

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/santa/reindeer.

[subcontrabass]

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/santa/reindeer.

Corrected link: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/chris...a/reindeer.asp

[Nick Armstrong]

.

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

Corrected link: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/chris...a/reindeer.asp

[arancie33]

This joke seems more timely to me every time I hear the "Northern Lights" trail. Courtesy of the late Simon Hoggart, and, in your mind's ear, imagine English spoken with a strong Swedish accent.

A Swede goes in to a chemist's shop. "I would like some deodorant, please".

"Certainly sir" says the assistant, "Ball or aerosol?".

"Oh no, no, just for the underarms"

[gradus]

This joke seems more timely to me every time I hear the "Northern Lights" trail. Courtesy of the late Simon Hoggart, and, in your mind's ear, imagine English spoken with a strong Swedish accent.

A Swede goes in to a chemist's shop. "I would like some deodorant, please".

"Certainly sir" says the assistant, "Ball or aerosol?".

"Oh no, no, just for the underarms"

Or in the simpler version:

'Aerosol?'

'No for my Aerompits'.

[Beef Oven!]

Man driving along the A13 in a Land Rover towing a trailer full of Penguins.
Policeman pulls him over and scolds him saying those penguins look unhappy and tells him to take them to the Zoo.

Two days later, the policeman sees the bloke doing the same thing with all the penguins wearing sunglasses. "I told you to take those penguins to the zoo". "I did", the bloke replies, "today I'm taking them to the beach".

[gurnemanz]

A Swede goes in to a chemist's shop.

Reminded me of the Pole who went to the optician's.

Optician: Can you read the bottom line?
Pole: Read it? I know him!

[teamsaint]

Man driving along the A13 in a Land Rover towing a trailer full of Penguins.
Policeman pulls him over and scolds him saying those penguins look unhappy and tells him to take them to the Zoo.

Two days later, the policeman sees the bloke doing the same thing with all the penguins wearing sunglasses. "I told you to take those penguins to the zoo". "I did", the bloke replies, "today I'm taking them to the beach".

[Nick Armstrong]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35099897

(Does anyone admit to watching this stuff? )