Current favourite jokes

[Dave2002]

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a member of the US Congress happened to appear. The Representative took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor, how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked the politician.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

The politician thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

[gurnemanz]

On I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue the other day.

A GCHQ man is giving a talk to some school children. In the Q & A session a boy stands up:

Boy: My father says you eavesdrop on people's private conversations and know everything about them.

GCHQ man: He's not your father.

[Nick Armstrong]

.


Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

A: Aye Matey

[Serial_Apologist]

Q: Where do you live?

Spike Milligan: London

Q: Which part?

Spike: All my parts!

[Padraig]

I'm going to be a pirate soon.

But, funnily:

Exit signs - they're on the way out.

[johncorrigan]

But, funnily:

Exit signs - they're on the way out.

I bought a 2nd hand TV for 50 quid yesterday. Unfortunately the volume control doesn't work, but for that price you can't turn it down.

[Lento]

Microsoft has gone upmarket: seems to have a Groves Music app (weak, I know).

[visualnickmos]

Exit signs - they're on the way out.

Reminds of something that was actually overheard;
British tourists driving around Germany; woman to her husband "Ausfahrt must be a big place, it's signposted everywhere"

[vinteuil]

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life.
Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling?
Sometimes it seemed that way.

[jean]

Reminds of something that was actually overheard;
British tourists driving around Germany; woman to her husband "Ausfahrt must be a big place, it's signposted everywhere"

I can't laugh at that - I used to have exactly the same problem with

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

I can't laugh at that - I used to have exactly the same problem with

And so many roads that go to Araf!

[Flay]

Yonks ago when I worked in Scotland I thought that Crianlarich must have been a significant town because so many road signs pointed to it! I also drove to the Rest and be Thankful thinking it was a pub!

[Nick Armstrong]

Yonks ago when I worked in Scotland I thought that Crianlarich must have been a significant town because so many road signs pointed to it! I also drove to the Rest and be Thankful thinking it was a pub!

[Stillhomewardbound]

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life.
Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling?
Sometimes it seemed that way.

Irish policeman to the lady driver at the lights: "Was it a particular shade of green you were waiting for?"

[teamsaint]

a bit off topic, but Andover is signposted for hundreds of miles on the A30/ 303, and must come as something of a disappointment to unsuspecting tourists expecting a major conurbation.
Well, not just tourists of course.......

Although the town does of course have a fascinating history as a major coaching stop off, and could at one time stable up to 300 horses overnight........passes script to Gideon Soames......