Current favourite jokes

[Nick Armstrong]

Could you give subtitles?

U2.....

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Could you give subtitles?

Messrs Bono and the artist known as The Edge are both members of the popular beat combo known as U2, which is subject to an amusing play on the words "you two" in Cali's splendid witticism, m'lud.

[teamsaint]

Messrs Bono and the artist known as The Edge are both members of the popular beat combo known as U2, which is subject to an amusing play on the words "you two" in Cali's splendid witticism, m'lud.

Coincidentally of course, , it was in fact our very own The Edge who supplied the humorous line.
Incidentally, I also launched the ROFLcopter at the horse joke.

[Nick Armstrong]

Messrs Bono and the artist known as The Edge are both members of the popular beat combo known as U2, which is subject to an amusing play on the words "you two" in Cali's splendid witticism, m'lud.

We're wasted here, my learnèd friend

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

We're wasted here, my learnèd friend

Sometimes you have to be

[Don Petter]

Messrs Bono and the artist known as The Edge are both members of the popular beat combo known as U2, which is subject to an amusing play on the words "you two" in Cali's splendid witticism, m'lud.

And I thought U2 was an aeroplane ...

[Ant]

"And I thought U2 was an aeroplane ... "

_I_ thought it was a battery, albeit some while ago...

Regards Ant

[pastoralguy]

And I thought U2 was an aeroplane ...

Reminds me of a story of U2 playing in Glasgow.

Bono starts getting all preachy. He starts to clap his hands slowly.

"Every time I clap my hands, an African child dies", says our hero.

"Well stop fu***** doing it then, you sick ba*****", shouts a wee Glaswegian in the crowd!

[EdgeleyRob]

I think I first realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party,dressed as a goat.

[Don Petter]

I think I first realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party,dressed as a goat.

Better than going as a gateaux?

[EdgeleyRob]

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered.
I replied in my usual calm detached manner, "I didn't know there were any witnesses... Now I'll have to kill you too."

[Don Petter]

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered.
I replied in my usual calm detached manner, "I didn't know there were any witnesses... Now I'll have to kill you too."

But U2 is a pop group?

[EdgeleyRob]

But U2 is a pop group?

A Cumbrian farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to try to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks, no phone calls, the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the ad?" asked his wife.

"Here boy," said the farmer.

[LeMartinPecheur]

Postman Pat has finally reached retiring age. On his very last round many of the households to which he's been delivering for years want to give him a really great send-off.

One family gives him £100, one gives him vouchers for a really fantastic cruise, and another a big gold watch. But at the very last house, he knocks on the door because there's a parcel and the gorgeous blonde girl who lives there opens the door in sexy lingerie and drags him straight upstairs for several hours of the most passionate and varied sex he's ever experienced!

Afterwards they go downstairs to the kitchen and she makes him a delicious full English breakfast: sausages, bacon, eggs, black pudding, mushrooms, tomatoes, the lot. Then Pat notices as she pours him a big cup of delicious filter coffee that there's a pound coin in the saucer.

Pat says, "What's the coin for?"

She explains, "Well, last night I told my husband that you were retiring so I asked him what we should do. He said, 'F**k him, give him a quid!'

"The breakfast was my idea."

[EdgeleyRob]

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left home to go to university ?

Bison.