Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

I was getting worried recently that my old fridge was starting to sing Bee Gees songs, but it turns out it was just a chive talkin'!

I would guess you have to know all there is to know about the Bee Gees to be able to get that one?

[Dave2002]

I would guess you have to know all there is to know about the Bee Gees to be able to get that one?

Isn't that just a load of old b****t?

[Flay]

Afraid I've not been around much recently to talk about music (at last we had some decent oboe music at lunchtime today). So here is a joke instead:

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The activity finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again: "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No...


I'm Norwegian."

[EdgeleyRob]

Talking of finish,I think we've had this before but always has me in stitches,

[johncorrigan]

Talking of finish,I think we've had this before but always has me in stitches,

Thanks Rob - crackin'!

[Dave2002]

re msg 1054

That took a bit of decoding. Firstly, there was the "foreign language" barrier to get through. This helped - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antti_N...8footballer%29

[Zucchini]

Pancho goes into a bar: “Weeskee”

Bar Tender: “Oh no no no – only for friends of Pendito dee bandeet…”

P: “But I am friend of Pendito…”

BT: “How I know that true?”

P: “Leessen…I ride this morning & meet Pendito ..He has a gun & say to me:

‘Get off your hoss & drop your trousers & sheet (he has zee gun so I do thees)

‘Eat dee sheet' he say (so I do). He luff so much he drop dee gun…

I get zee gun..."Off your hoss" I say "Drop dee trousers, sheet & eat it all up!"

BT: “So why you friend of Pendito?”’

Pancho: “Leessen… I have breakfast with heem this morning…”

[Nick Armstrong]

In the spirit of the day....


Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

Q: What do hillbillies do at Halloween?
A: Pump kin

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject at school?
A: Spelling.

[johncorrigan]

In the spirit of the day....

What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A Plumpkin!

[richardfinegold]

I would guess you have to know all there is to know about the Bee Gees to be able to get that one?

Is the fridge failing, or has it suceeded in Staying Alive?

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

Holidaying in the Scottish Highlands, I mistakenly referred to an inland loch as a lake.
"We call them lochs in Scotland. There's only one lake in all of Scotland."
Not to be outdone, I said "There's only one lake in the Lake District too: Bassenthwaite."
Our Scottish friend replied: "What do you call the others? Ponds?"

[alycidon]

Well, that was very careless, wasn't it? The Scots do tend to be miffed by that and other such errors. The one lake for those who don't know, is the Lake of Menteith - somewhere in the Trossachs if my memory serves me.

If there is only one lake in the district of that name, eine, what are the others called?

[vinteuil]

If there is only one lake in the district of that name, eine, what are the others called?

... well, if it's not a Mere as in Winder- or Gras- it's usually a Water as in Wast-, Ulls- , Coniston, Rydal, Crummock etc.

Or if smaller a Tarn - my favourite is (both in itself and coz of its name... ) -

. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innominate_Tarn

.

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=innominate+tarn&rlz=1T4ADFA_enGB340GB340&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=PutcVI3aLq3A7AahnoCoBQ&ved=0CC8QsAQ&biw=1280&bih=576

.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

"What do you call the others? Ponds?"

No; that's what American & Canadian tourists call them!

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

If there is only one lake in the district of that name, eine, what are the others called?

DerwentWATER
WinderMERE
ButterMERE
Crummock WATER
LowesWATER
UllsWATER
Coniston WATER
ThirlMERE
HawesWATER
WastWATER
Ennerdale WATER
Rydal WATER
GrasMERE
Plus many smaller waters and tarns.