Current favourite jokes

[Nick Armstrong]

The elephantine memory of teams has highlighted the following from December 2011...

Reminds me of the time that the inflatable boy was summoned to the inflatable headmasters office, after he had run amok with a drawing pin

" i am very disappointed, said the beak. You have let down the whole school................"

Yeah but Lady Rubbernecker's is better!

And anyhow, I think a repeat is ok, getting on for three years later!!!!

[teamsaint]

The elephantine memory of teams has highlighted the following from December 2011...


Yeah but Lady Rubbernecker's is better!

And anyhow, I think a repeat is ok, getting on for three years later!!!!

Newer, better, faster.

Lets stick with Lady Rubbernecker's version !!

[Serial_Apologist]

The elephantine memory of teams has highlighted the following from December 2011...


Yeah but Lady Rubbernecker's is better!

And anyhow, I think a repeat is ok, getting on for three years later!!!!

Well I'm blown!

[gradus]

As a non-contributor to this thread, may I thank all of you for keeping it going and guaranteeing a regular laugh.

[EdgeleyRob]

Best inflatable joke is surely Peter Kay's.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

[Nick Armstrong]

Best inflatable joke is surely Peter Kay's.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

I'll give you that one, Rob!!

[Serial_Apologist]

Paul Merton's Brezhnev joke on HIGNFY tonight was a corker!

Brezhnev is due to visit Poland, and, for the trip, he orders a portrait of Lenin in Poland to be created. After much umming and aahing from the two commissioned artists, Brezhnev want to know why the portrait hasn't been completed on time. "Well", they explain tentatively, "Lenin never was in Poland". "Nonsense" shouts Brezhnev, I want that portrait completed in time for when I leave!" And so, the work is done. Unveiled it shows a couple in bed. "What does this picture of two people in bed have to do with Lenin in Poland?" Brezhnev now demands to know. "Well, the woman is Mrs Lenin, and the man is Trotsky" "Yes?? and so???" "Well, see, Lenin's away in Poland!"

[johncorrigan]

According to this morning's BH on R4, a horse walked into a police station this week (true story it seems). Listeners responded to Paddy that it was a fair clop!

[LeMartinPecheur]

Guy was telling me he was the triangle player in a Rastafarian band. Seemed a bit full of himself so I asked him exactly what it involved.

" I stands at the back of the stage behind the band, but really I'm responsible for everyt'ing that happens up there."

[Flay]

Are any ornithologists here able to help me identify the male?

[muzzer]

Why did God invent dancing?

So He can tell when the Methodists are enjoying themselves..

[Ant]

The god of War rode out one day
Upon his favourite filly.
"I'm Thor!" he cried,
His horse replied
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly!"

Regards Ant...

[umslopogaas]

Apologies if this has come up before, but its a long thread and I'm tired.

Dorothy Parker. "What are those people doing? They are ducking for apples, Miss Parker. Ah, there but for a typographical variant is the story of my life."

[umslopogaas]

And while we are on the subject ...

Mae West: "My, you're a big guy, Tex, how tall are you? I'm six feet eight inches, maam. Well, never mind the six feet, lets get onto those eight inches!"

[johncorrigan]

I was getting worried recently that my old fridge was starting to sing Bee Gees songs, but it turns out it was just a chive talkin'!