Current favourite jokes

[Flosshilde]

The aardvark's shape is a funny one
And his disposition not a sunny one.
But you need take no alarm
For he means you no harm -
Because aardvark never hurt anyone!

Regards Ant

Ant, you might want to re-consider that last line


(oops - I've just got it!)

[Ant]

Hello Flosshilde, I prefer this, I think - dredged up from the depths of my memory:

Proverbs 6:6-8 King James Version
6 Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:
7 Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler,
8 Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.

Regards Ant

[mercia]

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

[ oh, you've heard that one before have you]

[LeMartinPecheur]

He-man Texan goes into a barber's shop for a shave and a shoe-shine. He's in the chair all lathered up and the barber is just whetting his razor when the most gorgeous blonde starts doing the shoe-shine. Texan, in a fine position to view her prominent attributes, says, "Honey, you look fantastic - howzabout you and I get together later over at my hotel?"

"But I'm just married and I really don't want to cheat on my husband..."

"Well howzabout you tell him you've got to work overtime tonight? - I'll give you a big load of bucks to keep him happy."

"Howzabout you tell him - you're nearest!"

[Petrushka]

[Nick Armstrong]

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines everywhere!

[EdgeleyRob]

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

[Nick Armstrong]

[EdgeleyRob]

[Nick Armstrong]

[teamsaint]

is that a blank look, Cals?

[EdgeleyRob]

An older man is pulled over by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."

The officer asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "My wife."

[Ant]

Hello all, not unlike the chap at the Irish newsagent who asked for a daily paper; when asked did he want today's or
tomorrow's, asked for tomorrow's. "To be sure, Sor, and would you mind callin' by for it tomorrer!"



This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become
seniors.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her
Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on
SUNDAY".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to
mutter, .... "Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.


Regards, Ant G0AJA

[Beef Oven!]

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to
mutter, .... "Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either.

[Nick Armstrong]

A contribution from Lady Rubbernecker (O.H. of Rubbernecker, a former regular here, whose birthday it was yesterday):

What did the inflatable headmistress from the inflatable school say to the inflatable pupil with a pin?


...


...



...



- You've let me down, you've let the school down and you've let yourself down.