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Scouser goes on Dragons' Den - he walks in, he's got a shotgun and a gamekeeper's pouch.
- Peter Jones says "So - what's your idea?"
- "Just put the money in the ******* bag"
(Peter Kay)
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Scouser goes on Dragons' Den - he walks in, he's got a shotgun and a gamekeeper's pouch.
- Peter Jones says "So - what's your idea?"
- "Just put the money in the ******* bag"
(Peter Kay)"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Originally posted by Caliban View Post
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Scouser goes on Dragons' Den - he walks in, he's got a shotgun and a gamekeeper's pouch.
- Peter Jones says "So - what's your idea?"
- "Just put the money in the ******* bag"
(Peter Kay)
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"I hear that Angela's daughter is to marry a subaltern in the King's African Rifles."
"But aren't they black?"
"Only their privates."
"How exotic!"Comment
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He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backwards, again and again.
Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, a little to the right, a little to the left.
She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed.
She moaned; softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:
"OK, OK, I can't parallel park! You do it, you smug bastard."Pacta sunt servanda !!!Comment
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OMG. Laughed until I cried with this one...!Originally posted by johncorrigan View PostLast edited by pastoralguy; 18-09-14, 15:59.Comment
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A bear walks into a bar and says:
"I'll have a pint of................................................ .................. ale, please".
Barman says: "Why the big pause?"
Bear retorts: "I'm a bloody bear!""Gone Chopin, Bach in a minuet."Comment
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Last edited by Nick Armstrong; 18-09-14, 20:07."...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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That'll be the same bar where a horse went in for a pint and the barman said "Why the long face"...
Regards AntComment
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Aardvark or horse, when it walked past the jukebox, it heard "God you smell, and that haircut is bloody horrible".... then a bowl of peanuts on the bar said "Oooh, you really are amazing, you have such a sexy walk".
"What the hell's going on?" it asked the barman.
"I'm so sorry," the barman replied "The nuts are complimentary but the jukebox is out of order.""...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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An excellent follow-through, Calibs! 
Pacta sunt servanda !!!Comment
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The aardvark's shape is a funny one
And his disposition not a sunny one.
But you need take no alarm
For he means you no harm -
Because aardvark never hurt anyone!
Regards AntComment
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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A barman walked into a stable,the horse said"why the normally proportioned human face"Originally posted by Ant View PostComment
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Man takes a giraffe into the pub, they each have a pint but the giraffe keels over. As the man's leaving the barman shouts "Oi! You can't leave that lying there!"
"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe...!
Regards AntComment
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