Current favourite jokes

[Nick Armstrong]

A transvestite from Greater Manchester walked into a bar.

He had a Wigan address.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

A transvestite from Greater Manchester walked into a bar.

He had a Wigan address.

[umslopogaas]

Are you sure he wasnt from the RSPB? He had a pair of Great Tits.

[Don Petter]

A transvestite from Greater Manchester walked into a bar.

He had a Wigan address.

If he walked into a bar, perhaps he had his wig on back to front?

[Lento]

Fa**ing in lifts: offensive on so many levels....

[Serial_Apologist]

Oh - I just got it....

[EdgeleyRob]

A guy sticks his head round the door of the barbershop and asks, ‘How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours’, ‘OK’ said the guy and left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head round the door and again asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 2-3 hours.’ As before, the guy left.

A week later, the same guy returns and stucks his head into the shop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around the shop and said, ‘About an hour and a half today Sir.’ True to form the guy walked away.

However this time the barber turned to his friend and said, ‘Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.’

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, ‘So what’s so funny and where does that guy go when he leaves?’

Bill looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, ‘Your house!’

[Ant]

We keep getting mistaken for a coastguard station - this chap keeps ringing to ask if the coast's clear...

Regards Ant

[Padraig]

Did you have terrible spots as a child, Jock?
Ac ne.

[EdgeleyRob]

Driving home from the pub,got stopped by a policewoman.
As I got out of the car she said "you're staggering "
I said "you're not so bad yourself ".

[Petrushka]

Policeman stops a car in Central London.

"Can I have your name please, sir?" the policeman asked the driver.

"Nuttall" came he reply.

"Where are you going to, sir?"

"Whitehall"

"What make is this car, sir?"

"Vauxhall"

"What have you got in the boot, sir?"

"Absolutely nothing!"

[johncorrigan]

Policeman stops a car in Central London.

"Can I have your name please, sir?" the policeman asked the driver.

"Nuttall" came he reply.

"Where are you going to, sir?"

"Whitehall"

"What make is this car, sir?"

"Vauxhall"

"What have you got in the boot, sir?"

"Absolutely nothing!"

That was mighty amusing.

[Petrushka]

That was mighty amusing.

Courtesy of Lennie Bennett (remember him?) sometime in the 1980s and I've never forgotten it.

[richardfinegold]

A guy sticks his head round the door of the barbershop and asks, ‘How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours’, ‘OK’ said the guy and left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head round the door and again asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 2-3 hours.’ As before, the guy left.

A week later, the same guy returns and stucks his head into the shop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around the shop and said, ‘About an hour and a half today Sir.’ True to form the guy walked away.

However this time the barber turned to his friend and said, ‘Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.’

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, ‘So what’s so funny and where does that guy go when he leaves?’

Bill looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, ‘Your house!’

[Ockeghem's Razor]

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Control freak. Now you've got to say, 'Control freak who?'