Originally posted by ahinton
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People - passing through -
Bugs Bunny walks into a butchers Shop in Orlando:
Butcher: Can I help you, Sir?
BB: Have got any carrots?
Butcher: No, we don't sell carrots, sir. You need to go to the greengrocer's store.
The following morning, Bugs Bunny comes in again:
BB: Have got any carrots?
Butcher: Look, we don't sell carrots. We sell meat. Okay?
But the next morning, BB appears again.
BB: Have got any carrots?
Butcher: Listen, Buddy. If you come in here again asking for carrots, I'm gonna nail those long ears to the counter. Beat it!
Yes. You guessed it. BB is back.
BB: Have got any nails?
Butcher: Of course I don't got nails. This aint a hardware store. Beat it Buddy!
BB: Have you got any carrots?
Well, I think its funny, anyway.
HSComment
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That's like the old Arthur Askey one.
A little mouse goes into a musical instrument shop
"Do you sell mouse organs?"
"Yes we do - in fact we had a little lady mouse in here yesterday, asking after one".
"Oh that would have been our Monica"Comment
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I rather like this HIPP rendition:Originally posted by Pabmusic View PostOurselves? (Woo! that sounds like…!!!)
There's a catch by Purcell in which the various parts sing "our souls" so that the tune is accompanied by a continuing chorus of "our souls".
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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A woman goes into a grocer's shop, goes up to the counter and asks the shopkeeper "can I have some broccoli, please"? "I'm sorry, madam", he replies, "we're out of broccoli today, but I can sell you some cauliflower". The woman thinks for a moment then replies "no thanks, I think I'll have some broccoli". The shopkeeper replies "madam I think you misheard me, we're actually out of broccoli today; perhaps I can interest you in some cabbage". The woman thinks for a moment , then says "that's OK, I think I'll have some broccoli". The shopkeeper patiently explains once more, only this time offering some kale. She thinks, then replies "yes ....well I think I'll have some broccoli". The shopkeeper patiently says to her: "madam, can you say "cab" as in "cabbage"? "Yes, of course", she replies. "Now can you say "pot" as in "potato". "Sure" she replies, puzzled. "Now madam, can you say "f***" as in broccoli"? "There's no f*** in broccoli" she exclaims. "My point, exactly" says the shopkeeper.Originally posted by Hornspieler View PostComment
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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This one is very old and could be considered a teeny weeny bit racist.
The spaceman Dan Dare was explaining to the inhabitants of another planet that he was the most famous person on earth. Failing to convince them, he challenged a group of them to travel to earth with him and to land anywhere, and Dan Dare was confident he would be recognised. They agreed and a few weeks later, they landed their spacecraft in the African jungle. Dan Dare was concerned that this was one of the few places where no-one would have heard of him.
Just then, a smiling face popped out of the door of a hut.
"Hello dere", he said.Comment
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Oh goodness gracious me
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Originally posted by Padraig View Post There's no joke like an old joke, Padraig - that one appeared in Only Fools and Horses in 1983 - see last para of synopsis - mind you judging by the clothes in the audience this could be as old?
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It's right you are there Richard, but sure it was new to me. I was looking for Niall Tóibín doing the Fiddler of Dooney and came across it. I would have told it myself except I can't do the Dublin, Cavan and Cork accents.Originally posted by Richard Tarleton View Post There's no joke like an old joke, Padraig -Comment
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