Current favourite jokes

[Dave2002]

A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here".

The Higgs Boson then replies, "but without me, how could you have mass?"

[Serial_Apologist]

A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here".

The Higgs Boson then replies, "but without me, how could you have mass?"

A repeat, but never mind!

[Dave2002]

A repeat, but never mind!

OK - try this one then:

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Do all of you want a drink?"

The first logician says "I don't know."

The second logician says "I don't know."

The third logician says "Yes!"

[MrGongGong]

WHEN a checkout lady asks you if you have a ‘Bag for Life’, don’t show them your scrotum.

[Sir Velo]

Scotsman: "Doc av got knee troubles!"

Doctor: "Away home then you lucky fella!"

[alycidon]

A chap goes into a butcher's and asks: "have you got a sheep's head?"

"No" comes the reply. "It's the way I part my hair!"

[EdgeleyRob]

I've checked and re checked the numbers,but still can't believe it.

9-15 21-4 20-14

Yes it's true,I've finally done it.

After many years of trying, I've got a doctors appointment.

[Stan Drews]

Scotsman: "Doc av got knee troubles!"

Doctor: "Away home then you lucky fella!"

Och, weel - if we maun hae Scottish jokes -

Customer (in butcher's shop - said butcher standing in front of heater): Is that yir Ayrshire bacon?

Butcher: Naw, Ah'm jist warmin' ma hauns.

(Translation available on request.)

[Stan Drews]

Or, in another butcher's:

Customer: May I have a mince round?

Butcher: OK - as long as you buy something.

[Ant]

Man to chap juggling three balls on a street corner: "Are you a juggler?"
"No, I'm just minding these for a friend..."

Regards Ant

[EdgeleyRob]

A man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?"
The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that."
The man says "Okay then, I bet you £100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there."
The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry"
The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?"
The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Och, weel - if we maun hae Scottish jokes -

Customer (in butcher's shop - said butcher standing in front of heater): Is that yir Ayrshire bacon?

Butcher: Naw, Ah'm jist warmin' ma hauns.

(Translation available on request.)

- I had to say it out loud and slowly, but I got there.

[johncorrigan]

Och, weel - if we maun hae Scottish jokes -

Customer (in butcher's shop - said butcher standing in front of heater): Is that yir Ayrshire bacon?

Butcher: Naw, Ah'm jist warmin' ma hauns.

(Translation available on request.)

Thanks for the memories, Stan...nice one!

I liked Rory Bremner's joke in the Graun this weekend about the newly invented drug that combines Viagra and Prozac. If it doesn't work, you don't care.

[Dave2002]

Och, weel - if we maun hae Scottish jokes -

Customer (in butcher's shop - said butcher standing in front of heater): Is that yir Ayrshire bacon?

Butcher: Naw, Ah'm jist warmin' ma hauns.

(Translation available on request.)

Maybe I need the translation!

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

"Is that yer Ayrs yer bakin'?"