Current favourite jokes

[Nick Armstrong]

I'm hearing those two in my head in Tommy Cooper's voice, ER...

[Nick Armstrong]

"I'm calling from the anagram society, you'll have to rearrange your interview."

"No problem, it's 'view true irony'."

"OK, you're in!"

[gradus]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a Brie.

[EdgeleyRob]

I'm hearing those two in my head in Tommy Cooper's voice, ER...

Another TC classic.

D'you know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said "Parking Fine."
So that was nice.

[Ant]

Trevor was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (Hens) called
'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilise the eggs. The farmer kept
records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took
an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was
performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening
to the bells.

The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too. But on this
particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to
investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for cover. But to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in
his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next
one.

Trevor was so proud of Gordon; he entered him in the West Berks County Fair and Gordon became an
overnight sensation among the judges.

The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet
Surprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to
win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet, by being the best at sneaking up on the
populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Regards Ant

[EdgeleyRob]

So my mate got sacked from his job at the pet shop today.
Turns out he had his hands in the trill.

[EdgeleyRob]

Or....

I managed to stop smoking last week.

Then I discovered it's standing around meaninglessly in the cold that I'm actually addicted to.

[EdgeleyRob]

Or....

Found a box of Viagra last night. Bloody things didn't work.

Turns out they're past their swell by date.

[Beef Oven!]

Are you alright Rob?

[EdgeleyRob]

Are you alright Rob?

In one of those moods Beefmeister.

What about this ....

As I put steak, homemade chips & some coleslaw down on the table in front of my wife last night she looked at me with a big smile.

"Are you feeling ok?" she giggled, "I've got to text the girls and tell them about this!"

"Hurry up then," I said, "You're sitting in my seat."

[Beef Oven!]

In one of those moods Beefmeister.

What about this ....

As I put steak, homemade chips & some coleslaw down on the table in front of my wife last night she looked at me with a big smile.

"Are you feeling ok?" she giggled, "I've got to text the girls and tell them about this!"

"Hurry up then," I said, "You're sitting in my seat."

P.S. 8 mile walk? You must have some mean plimsoles!

[Ant]

"Found a box of Viagra last night. Bloody things didn't work.
Turns out they're past their swell by date. "

Like me - I had ten oysters last Saturday and four of them didn't work!

Regards Ant

[charles t]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who was up all night pondering the existence of

Dog?

[johncorrigan]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic who was up all night pondering the existence of

Dog?

...or the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse!

[Nick Armstrong]

...or the dyslexic pimp who bought himself a warehouse!

... or the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa....